I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172971
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
I've never had sex before, but just bought my first vibrator. I want to know, if I use my vibrator,internally.. Will I no longer be a virgin? I'm having a religious conflict. I want to stay a virgin until I'm married, but I want sexual pleasure as well.
Please let me know. (link)
|
You are a virgin until you have sex, however you define 'sex'. Whatever your definition, though, it does involve another person.
This means that any sort of masturbation, internally or not, does not make you lose your virginity.
In fact, knowing how to please yourself might go a long way towards helping you remain a virgin until you're married!
I wish you the best.
|
|
ive masturbated a lot and i was just wondering if there was any possible way that a doctor could tell if you have? (link)
| |
No. The only way a doctor can know what you get up to sexually is if you tell him/her.
|
|
Okay so me & my boyfriend had sex last weekend (2-17-07 to be exact) and right in the middle of it the condom popped. As soon as it popped he threw it away and got a new one and it also popped before he came. But lately my stomach kind've hurts sometimes like im hungry and sometimes i get like tightness feeling pains and my vagina itches sometimes. Is there any chance at all i'm pregnant? I really do NOTTTTTTTTT want to be. Is there anything i can do without my parents knowing to reduce the chance of being pregnant? Ahhh. Please please please please please! help. (link)
|
There is nothing you can do to reduce the risk of pregnancy at this point.
For future's notice, the morning after pill is effective if taken within three days of the unprotected sex. Also, the main reason for repeated condom popping is not using them properly. You know the little tip on the end? When your boyfriend puts the condom on, he needs to squeeze the tip - this will look sort of flattened when it's on. It should NOT be sticking out and filled with air.
Semen comes out incredibly fast, and if the recepticle is full of air the condom will usually pop.
Tight pains in your stomach could be due to stress or anxiety. It could also be normal PMS pains. Vaginal itching could suggest a reaction to the condoms, or a hypersensitivity to every little twitch because you're worried you are pregnant.
Even if you were pregnant, the hormones might not be strong enough to show up on a pregnancy test yet. You can buy tests in any pharmacy - make sure you read the intructions carefully to see how and when to use it. Of course, if your period is regular you can also wait to see if you get it when it's expected - remembering that stress can throw your cycle off whack.
I wish you the best.
|
This is sort of in continuation of my other question.
I have had issues with abandonment, trust, and paranoia in my relationships for a long time. In turn I act in irrational and decietful ways, setting booby traps to try and catch anything dishonest or unfaithful about them. I always seem to look for the bad in people when I don't mean too. These are my desperate attempts to try and keep people around, but in turn it just makes people run from me. I am trying to change because I don't want to be this way anymore.
Anyway my question is how do I show my x-gf substantial evidence that I have changed? How do I prove it to her? She refuses to date me in fear of getting hurt again. No matter how much I apologize and promise to not do it again, she still closes her heart to me. I take responsibility for that.
So, yeah how do I show her my progress? How I show her that I trust her? and have changed? Do you have any ideas?
Thank you.
Emily. (link)
|
If you have been deeply hurt in the past, particularly if this was by people who were responsible for you (such as parents, etc), it only makes sense you would react this way. I don't think you need to judge yourself so harshly.
If you were taught that love is something you can't trust, that people will leave you, that people who say they love you will hurt you - of course you would try to test any people that come into your life.
The thing is, when we're kids we develop great coping skills to allow us to survive. Yours might have been being really aware of anything in other people that might hurt you. This might have been a way to keep yourself safe. But many times, the way we cope as children becomes unhelpful as we get older - and sometimes destructive.
It's difficult to break patterns. And if your actions have caused problems with your ex, it is understandable she might feel wary of entering into a relationship with you.
The thing is, we can't force other people to take us back, to understand why we act like we do, to change their minds. After all, other people come with their own patterns and histories. If you have twice hurt this person, and sincerely apologised, there isn't much more you CAN do. (I'm sorry to say.)
Trust is difficult for most people, and perhaps your ex just doesn't want to open herself to a perceived risk again. If she's unwilling, she's unwilling - you can't make her able to open up again, no matter how sincere you know you are.
It might be helpful to work on yourself, whether that means trying to sort out your emotions/behaviour, grieve for the loss of this relationship, or just open yourself to the possibility that you might be better suited to someone else.
Endings are so hard, particularly when you don't want an ending. Right now, all you can do is give your ex time and space - and realise that this is their choice to make.
I wish you the best.
|
Hello my name is Emily and I am 22 from Canada. I found your culumn and felt that you were a good person to ask this too.
I have been a sufferer of mental illness for most of my life. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Lately my paranoia and impulsivity have been ruining my life. All aspects of it. My significant other is deciding whether he wants to stay with me or not because I have hurt him twice due to my extreme paranoia and distrust issues. I was abused when I was young and I have been abandoned, so I have lots of past demons there. Ok onto my question do you have any suggestions how I can relieve or prevent my paranoia from getting in the way of my life as much? Are there any coping skills or techniques that you know of that could help me in times of major worry and/or absent mindedness? I want to be able to trust and prevent these symptoms from further destroying all aspects of my life.
I am on medication which can only help so much. I write in a diary. I am in occasional counseling still waiting for the psychiatrist.
Anything else you can maybe recommend?
Thanks you so much!
Emily (link)
|
You're right - medication can only help so much. In fact, most things you try will only help 'so much'...it's unlikely you will find one way that fits your needs so perfectly that you don't need anything else.
In order to try to heal on a deep level, I would suggest regular, long-term counselling (in addition to your medication, not in place of). This means seeing a qualified counsellor (not a social worker, etc) every week for an hour. This could be quite challenging to anyone, particularly if you have issues around trust. Long-term counselling allows you to have a chance to experience a different way of being - no abuse, no abandonment, no judgement. It also allows you to experiene building a healthy relationship, openly discussing your fears, paranoia, and impulsivity with another person.
A psychiatrist will likely be more focused on your illnesses (and therefore medication), while a counsellor is interested in who you are - not what labels you wear.
A diary is also a great thing. Perhaps you could also try other creative therapies - a visual journal (using crayons, collage, painting), painting, gardening, music, etc. Alternative therapies also help some people, as does spirituality. It's really about finding a combination of things suitable for you and your needs.
In terms of immediate things you can do when in a situation that triggers behaviours you don't want to do, it can be more tricky. Something you may want to look into is called 'grounding techniques.' These can be as simple as carrying something small in your pocket to squeeze or help you focus, specific movements a counsellor might be able to teach you (sorry, hard to explain online), tapping parts of your body, etc.
One thing you can do to help ground yourself more in reality is by listing five things you can see, five things you can hear, and five things you can feel. Then do four, three, two, one. This is an excellent way to help ground yourself when you are feeling out of control or uncontainable.
Please let me know if you need any more advice. I wish you the best.
|
|
I'm in high school but there are no gay or bi guys. The school is pretty uptight about that stuff. Is there any other way I could meet another gay guy? (link)
|
About one in ten guys IS gay. This means that your school does have other gay guys there - they may not know it, or they may be choosing to keep it hidden at the moment. I can understand why this would be frustrating to you.
If you're an activist sort of person, you could see about forming a gay support group at your school - or join a local organization.
If you just want to meet a guy to date, local groups might be good. Perhaps a local high school would have a group even if yours doesn't? Or the community might have a centre with youth clubs and activities.
And then there's always good old cyberspace. There are tons of websites specifically for gay teenagers, and you may be able to find a like-minded guy on one of those.
I wish you the very best - remember that college isn't far away, and it's really a whole, knew, expanded world.
|
|
I have my period right now. I really want to use my vibrater but if I do there would be blood everywhere. This would be gross. Is there another way to masturbate, or anything liek that? (link)
|
Using the vibrator or your fingers to touch your clitoris should leave your sheets blood-free.
Or, of course, you can get a trashy towel you don't care about and do things your usual way.
|
|
i want a boyfriend and i feel i am ready for sex but just havent got no body to have it with what do i do? (link)
|
Masturbate? It's a great way to relieve any sexual urges, as well as figuring out what works best for your body.
And best of all, there's no chance of anyone getting pregnant or contracting any disease.
|
|
me and my girlfriend havent had sex in 2 weeks and yesterday we were having sex and i was cumming on her butt. but while i was cumming i notice i didnt finished and i was actually peeing but it didnt feel like pee..or smell like pee. Can you please tell me what it was or what happend (link)
|
It's next to impossible for a guy with an erection to pee. This means that the liquid you noticed was probably cum. Cum is composed of sperm, but the sperm are in a clear fluid to help move them through your system (and the female's!).
If the fluid was radically different from normal, smelled very unpleasant, or caused you any pain or discomfort, you would want to see a doctor. Chances are things are perfectly fine, however.
|
|
Me and my boyfriend had sex and he ejaculated in me what can i do to aviod getting pregnant? (link)
|
This depends on when you had sex. The morning after pill is available, depending on where you live, but this is only effective if taken within three days of having unprotected sex.
This is not a method of birth control, but something which can be used in an emergecy - for example, if the condom breaks.
There are no safe, effective ways to prevent pregnancy once you've had sex.
Now you can wait and see if you get your period. If you do, you'll want to see a doctor about getting onto an appropriate form of birth control. You may also want to consider getting tested for STIs/STDs, as sex without a condom means you might have contracted something.
If you don't get your period, you'll still want to see a doctor to discuss your options.
Best of luck.
|
|
When I have my period, I use tampons during the day instead of pads(because pads are annoying and move alot). If i have a tampon in and I need to pee should I take it out? or is it okay to pee with it in? because it would be a waste if you had to take it out after only 30 minutes or whatever. (link)
|
Pee and blood come out of two different holes. This means that you can, and should, leave your tampon in while you go to the bathroom (unless, of course, it's time to change tampons!).
|
15/f
Okay, i had a question about bisexuality. I think that i am bisexual, but i can't quite seem to figure out what to do. I have dreams and think about that stuff with girls, but i wasn't sure how to approach this situation. I don't know anyone that is bisexual or lesbian. I just wanted to know what i should do to actually find out for sure. I told my close friend about it, and he told me that i am because i answered a bunch of questions (like would you kiss a girl etc). I just wanted to see if any one had any advice as to what to do. Serious answers are preferable, and someone who is bisexual would be even better so they can tell me what they did.
Thanks! (link)
|
Contrary to popular belief, sexuality is however you identify. This means that someone may identfy as straight, gay, or bisexual before they've done anything sexual at all.
I think the best way to approach sexuality is with an open mind and heart. You're the person who knows you best, and it's important to live a life that is reflecting your genuine self.
As for the 'what to do,' I'm not sure what you're asking. If you're wondering about 'trying it out,' again, this is no sure fire way to prove your sexuality. Sex can be a lot more enjoyable and pleasing with someone you care about, so messing around with one random individual might not make things any clearer for you.
Why not just keep an open mind and see what happens? If you see a girl you're interested in and it seems she likes you back, then you've got a chance to date her. Likewise, if you are interested in a guy, you can date him. This perspective allows it to be about the person rather than what's between their legs.
Recognising your own sexuality as bisexual or lesbian can be a confusing and long process, but know that you're not alone. There are excellent web resources for young people on this topic - articles to read, message boards, etc. There are often local LBGT (lesbian, bisexual, gay, and transgendered) groups you can attend in person, too. These can be purely social or more discussion based.
There's no rush to pin down your sexuality. After all, it'll be with you for the rest of your life.
I wish you the absolute best.
|
|
is it bad if you have sex and you havent even started your period cycle yet? will it mess with your horemones? (link)
|
People can sex whenever they make the decision to do so, but it's important to think about whether or not they want to have pleasureable, fulfilling sex.
If someone hasn't had a period yet, chances are their body just isn't ready to enjoy sex fully. Hormones are not full flowing, the body is not anywhere near physical maturation, and who knows where the emotions are at?
There is an increase in the risk of cervical cancer that is associated with early sex. You can also get pregnant, as an egg would be released before you actually got your period. Sex should not mess up your hormones, but it might be more uncomfortable - less lubrication, less developed genitals, etc.
At the end of the day, you need to weigh up the pros and cons and make a decision about what is genuinely right for you. Sex can be a wonderful experience, but there are also many situations that can make sex unpleasant, something to regret, etc.
I wish you the best.
|
I'm a virgin and I don't plan on having sex anytime soon, but i dont like my body when its naked at all. My skin is extremly white and i have a lot of access hair, its like blonde hairs but i can see it, like on my back, butt, stomach, and around my niples, and i hate the way my bellow area looks because im so light skinned and its so dark down there even though i give it a shape up every now n then. And i dont want anyone to say oh you should be happy with your body blah blah blah because thats bull...
so my question is how can i get rid of that access hair with out shaving or going to a waxer? especially my back thats hard...
HELP... (link)
|
Everyone has hair all over their body. If you look closely at your face, you'll see it's actually covered in fine hairs.
This is normal and natural. If your body hair is blonde, chances are you are the only person noticing it. Others won't.
Getting rid of all of your body hair and maintaining that is a practical impossibility. While you say you don't want people to tell you to like your body, how much emotionally better would you feel if you DID?
Think about all your body offers you - all the things you use it for on a daily basis. It's an incredibly powerful, intricate thing which allows you to experience life more fully. What actual difference do a few hairs make?
Hair on the back, belly, around the nipples, the pubic region, etc is something all women have. You're not isolated, you're healthy and normal.
I wish you the best.
|
|
hey im adidtya from india and i hv started masturbation in the age of 14.so just tell me is it ok to do this because im no 15.if yes then how many times can i do that.And can i drink my cum.is it ok for my health?thanks (link)
|
Age has nothing to do with masturbation. It's down to the individual to decide if it's something they want to do.
There is nothing wrong with masturbation. It is a natural thing many people do. There is no limit on how often you can masturbate, although if you start getting sore or sensitive you'll want to take a break.
There are no health problems associated with tasting your own bodily fluids.
|
|
hi i am 26 years old, from philippines and I am having a regular menstration 22nd every month. since i arrived here in australia.. me and my boyfriend is having unprotective sex. then my period is starting to worry me this jan.17,2007 upto 22nd of january, and now my period started 4th of febrary and end 8 febrary.. and i am having bloated stomach.. sore brest... and i got high temperature more than the normal temperature.do you think that i am pregnant? i dont know what to do... pls help. thanks alot. (link)
|
Only a doctor or pregnancy test can tell if you are pregnant. You're period being late could be due to a number of things, including taking a long haul flight.
Bloated stomachs and sore breasts are signs of PMS and may also be experienced during your period, so what you're interpretting as pregnancy could just be normal period-related feelings.
Your safest bet is to head down to a pharmacy and pick up some condoms (if you do not want to get pregnant) and a pregnancy test. Read the intructions carefully and follow them exactly.
If the test is negative and these symptoms continue, make an appointment to see a doctor. If the test is positive, you'll also want to speak to a doctor about your options.
I wish you the best.
|
|
i want to go swimming with my boyfriend ans heard about if wearin a tampon u can. can u tell me if this is correct and give me some advice please. (link)
|
Yes, a tampon will protect your swimsuit from getting blood on it. If you were to wear a pad swimming, it could swell up from the amount of water and be uncomfortable and noticeable.
I'm unclear if you've ever used a tampon before, but if you haven't you'll want to get junior sized tampons and read the intructions. They need to be changed regularly, and may take awhile to figure out how to insert them.
If you need more info please let me know.
|
|
if you use a vibrater all day everyday will it effect you when u have regular sex? if you love using the vibrater and the way it makes you cum, when you have sex with a real penis will effect how wet you get? or because your use to the vibrater is that the type of orgasim your going to want to have, eventhough you still have an orgasim from the real penis and enjoy it? the question more less is referring to the amount of wetness. i also just started using this vibrater and before that have always gotten really wet from sex with a real penis.age 22 female (link)
|
If you've never had a problem having sex with guys before, the vibrator is not going to create one. It will not affect how wet you get - or not.
Masturbation is normal and healthy, and might even improve your sex life as you'll be more in touch with what pleases you.
If you have sex again and find yourself missing your vibrator, remember there's no reason why vibrators or other toys can't enter your sex life with a partner - nor do you need to stop masturbating because you're having sex.
I wish you the best.
|
|
is cuming and having an orgasam the same thing? (link)
| |
Yes. An 'orgasm' is the official term, while 'cumming' is a slang term.
|
Hey,
ok heres ma problem. Im not sure if ive had sexual intercourse with this guy. ma mom scheduled an appointment because she said it was supposed to be every year once you start getting your period. onli, i dont knoe if the doctor can tell if im still a virgin or not, or how my hymen broke. i am so scared because i do not want my mother to knoe. can the doctor tell if iv'e had sex, will he tell my mom, can he tell how my hymen broke (if it did). please help. i am so stressed out!!!!!!!!!
15/f (link)
|
Before you have your exam, ask your doctor about their confidentiality policy. This means you can find out before you tell him/her anything whether or not they can/will tell your mother.
Most places will respect your privacy, as long as you are not in serious danger of harm.
Your doctor can't know if you are a virgin or not, though it's always best to be completely honest with your doctor - even if that means saying you're not sure if you had sex. This way, your doctor can honestly evaulate your needs and figure out the best way to give you support.
If you are really freaking out and the appointment isn't for awhile, call your doctor's office and ask to speak to a nurse. State how old you are, that you have an appointment, and ask about confidentiality.
If you don't like what you hear, perhaps you can try to make an appointment somewhere else.
And for your info, you should see your gyno once a year from the time you first have sex or you turn 18 - whichever comes first. Your period is not related to this. Since you are unsure if you had sex, though, it's probably better for you to go.
I wish you the best.
|
|