I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
Gender: Male
Member Since: December 31, 2006
Answers: 3591
Last Update: August 30, 2022
Visitors: 133675
Main Categories:
Mental health
Parenting
Doesn't Fit Any Of These Categories
View All
|
| |
|
I have a vast history of sexual assault. I am in therapy and attempting to recover but I still struggle with the symptoms of PTSD on a daily basis. I am not necessarily comfortable talking about this part of my life with people and would prefer to not bring it up all together. Men, would you prefer a woman to be open about her past experiences? I don’t want to feel like I’m not being honest in relationships by not telling my partner. On the contrary, I am terrified of being seen as damaged goods and having way too much baggage for anyone to want to be with. Do you view women who are rape victims as too much drama and not worth it? Would it be a deal breaker? (link)
|
What happened to you should never ever happen to anyone. It is NOT your fault that it did nor are you damaged goods by any stretch. You have to work with therapist and on your own constantly affirming that fact.
Most males if they have any intelligence at all would know what I just told you and love you for you. They should go out of their way to make sure you are comfortable and with them.
It is your choice when and if you tell someone your story. It's not something I would bring up right at the start of a relationship. You need to trust that a person is invested in you before you tell them anything.
Let your partner know how it affects you, intimacy and trust of others and how much you love and trust them. They should be the kind of person you know you can trust and willing to help you.
There's a ton of positive things about you that I'm sure they would see and what happened in the past as not an issue for them but rather one you can work through together.
Is it dishonest not to tell? I don't think so. The only time your very personal story nees to be disclosed is if you see it being a barrier to the relationship and or intimacy.
If someone bailed on you because of your story and something you couldn't help or control than that says something right there about them and who they are and NOT you. I guarentee anybody with sense wouldn't do that.
Everyone has baggage and unfortunately some of it really rough or something they feel someone will judge them for. Your partner though it may not be in the same vein likely has a few things difficult to discuss too but as you trust eachother it's easier to say something.
You aren't damaged goods and your life is just beginning and you have tons to offer a partner but have to work hard to affirm that this is your identity and NOT what happened to you in order to be well and move forward despite the past and see that you can trust people.
I have some idea what you are going through having had mental health stuff to work through myself with trusting people and when and if to divulge my story. I've found that you should never do it as a "this is me you can bail now" thing on a first or second date but further in you can gauge on whether someone is a keeper or not and decide to tell or not. Again, it's really not necessary unless you know for sure the details can impede progress or it's something that could reoccur.
There's nothing wrong with going ahead normally and not saying anything but might be good to divulge when you trust someone so you have that extra help with PTSD and full understanding from a partner. Bottom line it's your choice.
Personally, I view sexual assualt victims as worth it and that what happened was tragic and certainly not their fault. I see them as non-judgmental perfect partners whom if they disclosed a story I would support them wholeheartdely and that's the kind of guy you need to be with.
|
|
I didn't pay attention to the light on my dash which meant my 2012 Chevy sonic needed servicing. Its been there a few months. She started overheating a week ago and it turns out I needed water. No crazy lights went off or anything. Mechanic changed oil and put water in. She runs smooth again & the 'needs servicing' light is out but when I drive I smell a burned idk...oil or burned rubber smell. Like I said before she runs smooth again. Is my car going to blow up? Will a diagnostic test tell me anything? (link)
|
If the light you first encountered was yellow that means "caution" letting you know that there's an issue but it's not something that you immediately have to get done. You shouldn't ignore it because it will eventually start flashing red which means there is something wrong. Faulty sensors also come up as yellow too. In either event don't ignore the light for long and definetly not if it's red you're seeing on the dash.
I'm not a mechanic but I do know that the smell of burnt oil or rubber isn't normal and could be benign but also could be a problem. I would take your car this time to a different mechanic because the first one hasn't noticed what you're talking about. Preferably you should go to a Chevy dealer and tell them about the lights and above all be very discriptive about the smell and have them look at it. They know this model of car inside and out.
It may be more expensive but just ask for an estimate and opinion and don't sign off on them anything else until you read up on what they say is needed. You need to know your shit or they can rip you off same with any mechanic. A smell like this should be investigated though.
|
|
I want to be a dentist but i dont know if its worth the debt (link)
|
If you know you will stick with it for the duration of the program and will actually become a full-fledged dentist than of course it's worth following your dream and what your passion is. You may wind up with a permanent job right after graduation where you can start to repay student debt.
One thing is for sure is that student loans are always offered at huge interest level and set up in their favor not yours. They want re-payment to start the second you get your diploma or are known to have met graduation requirements. Unlike other debt they can harass you by phone or mail for 2 years student loan people will hound you everywhere you go until it's repaid. That's just one thing to consider.
I would research different programs and find out on average how long it takes to get a job in the field and the amount of recent grads employed and get a sense what it would be like to enter the field a few years from now.
I would also look for scholarships. You may be debt but the positive is that you got an education where a lot of people couldn't attempt to follow that dream. It's worth it to give it a go because debt can be cleared up once regular employment comes.
Once you have a regular pay cheque and the ability to meet monthly payments you'll be on the right path in paying it off. You'll never know what situation probably a positive one you'll find yourself in once the degree is completed.
|
|
My boyfriend of over a year just informed me that he cheated on me three times about six months ago. And my trust for him is just about gone, but I don’t know if I should go or stay. But he’s said he’s changed since then. I’m just not sure what to do??? - Female, 15. (link)
|
It's a pattern. If someone does something three times in a row and knows it was wrong behavior odds are they're going to keep doing it. A lot of people say they will never do X,Y,Z again but fall back into it. He feels the guilt and remorse but is it genuine? There's no way of really knowing.
The thing is you do know what to do but don't like the idea of dropping someone you have an attachment with. That's understandable but if you stay you run the high risk that he's going to do it again and that it will be a cycle.
If your gut is telling you something on an endless loop inside your head you need to obey that. It's up to you to stay or go but you know deep down when something is unhealthy. If it were me I would move on especially if someone has done this multiple times. I wouldn't let him play you any further. There's better people out there for you.
|
I went to the emergency room after the accident and they did a cat scan and said everything was ok. I got prescribed some muscle relaxer and ibuprofen. I take it but my head still hurts. I also can't miss too many days from my job (link)
|
Head back to the same hospital and tell them what is going on and get it investigated further. You need to because it's a sign that something really isn't okay and for that matter could be dangerous if not looked at. If you are still getting headaches all the time it means something is up and shouldn't be neglected. Better safe than sorry by looking into it. There could be a head injury here or concussion at the least that for whatever reason was missed when they first brought you in.
Also, call your boss and tell them that you were in a motor vehicle accident and are not in the least bit fine. Tell them that your health is paramount and that you're having constant headaches and pain still and are going back to have that assessed. They can't fire you for this legally. Have the doctor write them a note explaining that you're not in a good way physically. Even if they did dump you it would only prove them to be assholes that you don't need to work for anyways. Most employers get it that if you're injured you can't work for awhile and once that is established that you will return and can by a doctor they'll get it.
|
|
Hello, I used to enjoy music a lot (not every genre).But lately I am unable to enjoy music and is devoid of the feelings and emotions I once had while enjoying songs. Now, I can't even listen to music that I used to enjoy much.I even tried to listen yo music of different genres and it too didn't help. This issue has been going on for over a month, and I tried to solve it by not listening to songs for over a period, yet NP result. Its really bad experience to live without songs. Please help me (link)
|
The thing is you can listen to music but what you're listening to just isn't doing it for you. I think what has happened is that your tastes have shifted and the artists and genres you were listening to no loger holds your interest or it all sounds exactly the same. There's nothing wrong with you if that's the case.
The only thing I would be concerned over is if you stopped loving music and life to the point you're depressed all the time. That would be a big issue as some people when dealing with mental health issues start losing interest in things they once loved. If that isn't you than I wouldn't worry.
If I were you I would explore. Try jazz, a-cappella, soul, pop and other genres you may not have tried before. See if there isn't something new there that speaks to you. If you just don't like music or other aspects of life anymore talk to someone about this development and how it started as you may need support.
|
|
my employer handed out ramen noodles to the entire company and said have a souper day....uh why?? (link)
| |
Perhaps your boss is known for eating these noodles at the office and decided as a joke to hand them out to staff. The souper day remark was his/her's attempt at a joke. If unsure why everyone was gifted ramen noodles suddenly ask the source. I'm sure they'll clue you in as to the method behind their madness.
|
|
How would I tell my parents that I think I have depression and I need to talk to someone ? (link)
|
I know it's not easy to do this but telling your parents what is happening is the best decision you could ever make for yourself. They know you best and can see what behavior, moods or other things have changed and how the way you feel has shifted over time. There will be no judgment there and you really shouldn't expect that.
Anyone can have depression. It has nothing to do with social class or the family you were raised in. Mental illness isn't fair and can strike anyone at any time. The thing is there are treatments for depression that can make your entire universe a better one. There's no reason to be fearful and you're doing the right thing.
I would tell them straight up how you have been feeling and for how long and that you don't feel it's at all normal the feelings you are having an the duration it's been. Ask them not to ignore this (They won't anyway) and to support you and take you to see a doctor.
Alternatively, you could see a doctor on your own as everything is confidential and have them assess you. In that case you should get a trusted adult to go with you as all of this stuff is overwhelming on your own.
My major concern is how long have the feelings been happening and how often do they change if ever? If you find that it's a cycle where it keeps coming and going from happy to sad to elated back to a total crash than there's a bigger concern there. You might be bipolar. That's a signature sign. If you have racing thoughts, focusing problems and grandiose ideas that's another. There is a type of bipolar that has delusions too.
I've been where you are now. My parents were the one who helped me along with a team with a psychiatrist and family doctor working in concert with me to get better. They're still in place nearly two decades later. That's why I would reach out to your family and work with them and doctors to get you well if you have depression and the least find out one way or another.
Trust how you feel and knowing that it doesn't seem right for you. Telling your parents may on the surface seem difficult but in the end realize you can tell them anything and ask for help and that they will always be there.
There really is no better or easier way than saying "I need to discuss something pretty serious that is scaring me and I need your help to deal with. " Then mention "I have been having depressed thoughts for X amount of time that never seem to go away no matter what. I need to check this out with a doctor could you please help me?" Then give examples and let them do the rest.
If at any time you or they think there may be a crisis and don't know how to proceed without a family doctor you can be seen in the ER and assessed by a psychiatrist who can start treatment.
The only other thing I can say about bipolar disorder to look for is that there has to be several episodes of extreme highs, lows, elation etc for at least 2 weeks straight for it to qualify as that.
Being honest with your parents and asking for support in the way I mentioned above is best. It's a difficult subject but you need to and must know that they'll always help no matter what. It's the best thing you could do as it's the first step towards having your life back and your health in check.
|
|
How to make friends? (link)
|
In order to be a really good friend you need to embrace the differences in people and find what makes each person unique as you would hope they would do. You really have to be a good listener and observer.
Look for the kids who are different or aching to belong and capitalize on it and approach them. Often those kids and ones who are bullied and even in special ed for example will make the lasting friends you need.
You really need to show people that you are open to them and not closed off. Let them know what you can offer and allow yourself to be approached and make friends that way. You should get involved in drama either at school or take some classes especially improv where you have to work with people of different backgrounds to solve problems. Also join student government or clubs and find people there.
It's a cliche handed down for centuries but there its a fact be yourself and who you are above all things else. That's who people have to be attracted to and embrace. If you accept yourself unconditionally for who you are you'll find others will too as the confidence will be there and genuine. People are drawn to that as they are to empathy which is highly important. Be the first person to help someone else.
|
|
How would i get cannabis peanut butter cups as it made up of simple ingredients and no added sugar.i eagerly want to know how would get cannabis peanut butter and what price? (link)
| |
Depending on where you are from having marijuana or using it is illegal. As such even if we had a recipie for what you asked we can't give it you. You are also likely under 18. The Internet may hold what you seek but you won't find it here.
|
a guy that i have a lot in common with likes me and i like him too. the thing is, my friend used to have a little crush on him. she never really fell for him because once she saw him around more she thought he was annoying. now she likes someone else and has no feelings left for the first guy. but you see over time i’ve started to like him more and it’s getting harder to ignore. i do know for sure that he likes me back. we walk in the halls during school and he’s very sweet to me. i just know he’s a very good guy and i have no doubt about that. everything about him is what i’ve been looking for, from his kind and funny personality, to his looks and charming attitude. what i don’t know is how to tell my friend that i like him and what she would think about that. and if she says i can’t like him, what do i do about that. so what i’m asking is should i go for it since the feelings are there or should i not even think about it because of my friend?
and for reference we are all in highschool, same age (link)
|
Hold the phone here. Nobody friend or not has the right to tell you who you can be attracted to or like. That's not fair to you or anyone else. If she doesn't like it than that's on her and not for you to be concerned over. You have to take care of yourself and pursue what and or whom is important to you. In other words, if you like this person and he likes you go for it.
It sounds as though she doesn't like him and is annoyed by him so it wouldn't be an issue anyway. If she's a real friend it wouldn't be. Perhaps telling her now that he's pursued you and you want to try dating him would surfice as a courtesy and that you feel he's the right person.
Odds are she will be happy for you and not want to hold you back. But let her know you thought that she found him annoying but knew at one time she didn't. This kind of situation is going to come up a lot as you grow but as long as you use tact you will be fine. You can't hold up or not act on what sounds like a very good fit over what someone else may think. You have no control over it. If she's mature she'll understand.
|
I had unprotected sex between 3rd and 7th of this month, he released in me a couple of times, but i used morning after pill just once, today, my stomach felt uneasy, i went to the toilet, and found blood on my panties. Is it normal for my period to come now or is there anything wrong?
P.S, i finished my last period on 30th of November. (link)
| |
It sounds like it would be in your best interest to see your doctor and ask them these questions. We aren't experts or doctors and wouldn't want to lead you astray. Mention to them about the sexual activity, the morning after pill and now blood when it's not time for period or a few days after. Get their opinion. How come you aren't using protection? I'm not judging you but it's in your best interest to be. I'm concerned mostly after the stomach issue and if it correlates. Your doctor can guide you well.
|
|
Ok, I have a problem. So I have this "friend", we'll just call her Amy. At the beginning of the year, Amy and I were both friends with a different friend, let's call her Ella. One day, Amy expressed to me how she felt Ella was mistreating her, and I offered her my support. From that day forward, Amy started to get really weird. Every time Ella was around, she would HEAVILY disagree with everything Ella had to say, even if Ella was right, and then elbow me, and give me a look that said, "can you believe her?!" It only gets worse. I invited Amy over to my house once, and regretted it. The whole time she just sat on my laptop and watched YouTube. She then asked for ice cream and chips and ignored me the whole time. She doesn't really give much in our friendship, if you could even call it that. It's always me giving her food, me helping her, and I'm tired of it. My other friends don't seem to have an issue with it. She also forces herself into our close-knit friend group by making group chats with one or two of my friends, making sure to not add the friends she doesn't like, trying to take their place. I don't want my other friends getting involved with her, that's how bad it's gotten. She makes me so uncomfortable. At lunch she insists that I sit closest to the wall, and she sits so close to me that we're touching and I can feel her breathing, even if nobody else is in the booth, leaving multiple feet of space on her other side. She then begins to scoot nearer and nearer to me as the period goes on, squishing me against the wall. I don't like how she tries to intrude on our friend group and how uncomfortable she makes me. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this, but I'm much too scared to try talking to her about it. Please help before I EXPLODE! (link)
|
You can't control whether or not your friends like her or decide to be her friend. All you can do is deal with how feel about her. There's a possibility that she may be totally oblivious to the fact that there is an issue with her behavior and that she's pissing you and others off either that or she does know and is used to pushing people around.
In any event you need to stick up for yourself and tell her that you don't like how she treats your other friend and how she's been behaving all around and that you don't see the point of a one-sided friendship where she can take advantage of you. Why be scared of her? There's not much she can do except act angry. She cannot hurt you physically.
Until you stand up to her she'll continue what she is doing. You have every right to stand up for yourself and tell her what you think. It may make things a lot better for you both and your group of friends.
I think she intrudes on this group is because she wants to be included and knows no other way to make that happen than what you have illustrted here. If you are afraid of her reaction try Facetime and have things out with her. That way you can hang up if she gets abusive. You need one way or the other to have a conversation no matter how awkward it may be or nothing at all will change.
This has been bothering you for a very long time so it needs to come out. One thing you may want to consider is asking a parent, teacher or other trusted adult first how they would recommend you approach talking to her about her behavior. Even a older sibling or cousin might have ideas on how to approach this using as much tact with her as possible.
If you can't communicate problems to someone who is a friend no matter what the issue is you really can't sustain a friendship with that person. Maybe if you two chat you might be able to work together to healing a situation or if that's not possible move on from something making you totally miserable. The thing is unless you talk to her nothing is going to shift one way or another in the relationship.
|
|
Hi. I am a physician working in a relatively small department. There are 3 physicians, about 30 therapists, and about 10 administrative assistants. We usually have a holiday party but the union that the therapists are in will be going on strike the week we were going to have it. That choice is out of their hands but it has really dampened everyone's spirits. No one wants to do anything to celebrate the holidays now. Instead, we will have a party in January. That is nice but I still wish there was something I could do to help brighten the mood around here. Do you have any ideas? I would be willing to spend $100. I just want to spread some cheer and improve morale. (link)
| |
If I were you I would move the party date up and do things like you normally would earlier. Make sure it happens before the strike mandate kicks in. You could always do gifts or your secret Santa stuff now. This way you won't have to wait until January. Also, who says you can't do a party by booking something off site be it now or before the date or even during? Reserve something at a restaurant and do gifts there. There's ways to organize something and move fast and early on it.
|
|
well,am a girl of 18 year and I had a boyf when I was 16 BT we never had any intercourse together because I told him I am not ready then BT nw DAT I turn 18 he is asking me for it,BT I really have a mix feeling abt giving up my virginity not because I don't lyk him BT I don't just no BT recently he is really afraid and asking for it because I will be resuming into a university, pls wat should i do ,I need advice. (link)
|
Put simply if there are any linger doubts about whether you should have sex than it means you aren't ready. That's okay and he needs to know that and to be told to stop pressuring you. If he has a problem with that than tough. Find someone else because he cares solely about what he wants inthat case and not you.
Sex is not a race the number 18 has nothing to do with readiness and you can do this at any stage after that birthday has passed. It's about maturity and being totally comfortable with a partner and your decision. Don't let him pressure you because you are going to university either. I think you know in your heart how you truly feel but needed validation on waiting.
One of the things you should do before having sex with anyone is weigh all the pros and cons and research and be prepared to do it safely and deal with any fears before proceeding. It will be right then and you'll be ready and with the right person which may or may not wind up being him. Don't let sex just happen or be random or because someone else is pressuring. This is about YOUR needs not anyone else's timeline.
|
|
Im 14 and my friend told me that she would suck dick for 20 dollars should i keep her as a friend talk to her about or just tell we cant be friends? (link)
| |
Someone should talk to her about what she's said and let her know that doing so is wrong. I would tell your parents that she said this to you and it made you uncomoftable and felt wrong. Let an adult you trust know and have them address it for you. This could be your parents, a teacher or anyone you trust as we definetly want to stop her from doing this with anyone. You should also make it known to her that you felt this was inappropriate. Adults need to give her something to think about and figure out why she lacks self-esteem to even be contemplating this.
|
|
I am a 27 year old adult with Asperger's syndrome and I love to collect plush toys. It is one thing that makes me really happy and gives me a lot of comfort. Problem is because of my age, my parents don't see it that way. I try to explain that doing so makes me happy but they still say that collecting plush toys is out of age for me and should look into collecting something more age appropriate. I am sure that I am not the only adult that does this and I do want to expand my collection. So, my question is this normal and what should I do? (link)
|
Your parents are concerned with what other people will think of their parenting and of you if people see you collect stuffed animals. That's really their problem to get over. Who cares what people outside of your family think. It doesn't matter.
What matters is what you think and wnat makes you happy regardless of your age. In fact it's probably greatly helping you with your Asperger's and can or is in your case a way of coping. There's nothing unhealthy, abnormal or harmful about what you are doing. It's a hobby and keeps you busy and happy. What's wrong with that? You aren't harming yoursel or anyone else so collect away.
They have a point that it's usually kids collecting stuffed animals or playing with them and others may judge but it's not about them. If people judge you or them over something like this it says a lot about who they are and nothing about you. Also, they may just get it that it helps with your condition and not have an issue.
I think you should do what makes you happy. Illustrate to your parents how it does that and the benefits for your Asperger's. Tell them that it doesn't mean there's something mentally wrong and that you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else doing it.
You really ought to challenge the fact they're concerned with other people's perception and not with what makes you happy. Make sure that they know that you think the only opinion that matters is yours and their's and that you can't control what others think and nor can they. As long as your collection doesn't get out of control wit far too many plus animals you're fine.
It's healthy provided you have an assortment of other interests on top and not just this. That's a valid argument they may raise but as long as you have a variety of things you're engaged in rather than a total focus on one area you're fine.
|
why does my dog roll around on his back making noises
(link)
| |
It's normal first of all for dogs to do this. There's nothing wrong with your dog. It's their way of being submissive and according to Quora the noises and growls they make while on their back is meant their way of saying they don't want to be touched. They can also do it to scratch among other reasons. This article lists a variety of them. https://www.canidae.com/blog/2015/10/why-do-dogs-roll-around-on-objects/
|
I don't really know how to start, so I'm just gonna jump right in. Let's say that I am the mother of seven beautiful, wonderful, amazing, talented children including six boys and one girl. We were gonna quit after the fourth child, but we're surprised by a set of triplets There's hardly a day that goes by that I don't feel like a bad mother. I deal with guilt and self hatred almost on a daily basis because of it.
There are so many things that make me feel like a bad mom. I'm always worried about how well I'm raising my children. They're good kids. They're all well behaved, well mannered, kind, loving, compassionate, selfless, generous people. People compliment me on how sweet my children are and every time, I wonder how much credit I can take for it. Yes, I did always try to raise them to have all of those qualities, but sometimes I think I just got lucky with naturally good kids and a husband who knew how to raise them well. I don't have much confidence in myself to successfully raise them to be so great.
I constantly feel inadequate and inferior as a mother. I worry if my children get enough attention from me, if they always feel loved by me, if they ever feel neglected or if ever do overlook a need one of them has, if I can always protect them and keep them healthy, and if I'm doing anything that could damage them. I feel like I simply don't deserve them and like they need and deserve a better mother. I can't even provide them with health insurance. They're on my husband's insurance because the museum I work for doesn't make enough money to provide it's employees with benefits. If anything happens to my husband and one of my children falls I'll or is in an accident, we're up a creek without a paddle.
My husband and I are apparently prone to multiple births as our first two children were a set of fraternal twin boys, Aaron and Corbin. Today was Corbin's birthday and yesterday was Aaron's. Aaron was born just before midnight on October 20. and Corbin came just after midnight on October 21. Long story short, we didn't have much of a chance to celebrate Aaron's birthday. My dad's birthday was Friday and we had his party on Saturday. We were busy all day Sunday with Church stuff and important errands, so although he got a special dinner the night of his birthday, that wasn't enough for me to feel like he'd gotten a good enough birthday. He wanted to go to a certain store this evening and look at their elaborate Christmas decorations. They always decorate for Christmas way early and Aaron loves anything to do with Christmas, so he wanted to celebrate his birthday by take a long walk around that store, but I had to tell him that we couldn't today because it was Corbin's birthday. I promised we would tomorrow, but Corbin had to be in charge of our plans for this evening.
Now here's the thing that prompted me to come to this site tonight. Aaron was disappointed that we couldn't go to that store tonight and jealous that his brother was having a better birthday than he'd had. I felt guilty about the way Aaron's birthday turned out and I felt resentful of the situation. At that time, just for a moment, a short, short moment that I deeply regret and am ashamed of. I felt myself almost resenting Corbin for being the reason I couldn't give Aaron what he wanted for his birthday today. I didn't mean to. I couldn't control it, it just happened. It wasn't a deep resentment, it was extremely mild one and it wasn't one where I felt even the tiniest bit of hatred for Corbin. I still loved him as much as always and I didn't wish in that moment that I'd never had him or anything like that, but I can't get over the fact that even for a second, I resented my own son for something that wasn't even his fault.
A lot of people think that resentment is synonymous with hatred, but it's not. The internet defines resentment as a feeling of displeasure or indignation at a remark, act, person, etc. regarded as causing insult or injury. It's possible to feel displeased with or indignant about something or someone without hating that something or someone. I honestly have never hated one of my children. I've always loved Corbin more than I could ever express even in that one tiny moment of resentment, but I can't forgive myself for feeling that way. Even though many people misunderstand what resentment is, it's still not a feeling you're supposed to have towards your own child or children. I absolutely hate the thought of how Corbin would feel if he knew about this. He is so extremely precious to me, the last thing in the world I'd ever want to do is hurt him.
My biggest problem is that I wish I could say that this is the first time this has ever happened, but it's not. I had another very mild, unintentional moment of resentment towards my sons, Daniel and Josh once for something that would take too long to explain, but was a stupid reason to feel that way. I kind of resented Aaron tonight for being the reason I resented Corbin. I once resented my son, Mitch for making an insensitive joke about a tragedy that embarrassed me a little in front of people. Most ridiculously, I resented my son, Gage for being too awesome and making my other children feel inferior. Who resents their child for being too awesome? My resentment never lasts long. It lasts about literally one second and then it's replaced with terrible guilt and remorse. I've never hated any of them or wished them away or anything like that, but I still feel so bad about this. People tell me that it's normal to resent your children or any other loved ones at one time or another, but I don't see how it can be.
I'm a terrible, terrible mother. I hate myself so much sometimes and I know I do not deserve my children. I love them so much and I want to deserve them, but I've lost faith in myself to ever do so. What am I gonna do? How can I ever live with myself after this? How can I live with knowing I don't deserve my children? How can I deal with knowing I suck as a mother?
(link)
|
Your issue really has nothing to do with the kids. It's about you and this feeling or inadequacy and inferiority that you have. Where does it stem from? It's time to figure that out because it's ruining your life and relationships with constant neverending dread.
It's mental in nature. I'm NOT a doctor but you do seem to feel awfully depressed one moment and then very happy the next so I would look into that and what's really behind the feelings you constantly get.
Secondly, and I will be blunt with my choice of words I have seen a lot of shitty parents and you don't rank remotely close to one. You have done the best that you can possibly do with what you have for your family and kids and that's all anyone can ask of you as a parent.
Do take credit for how they turned out and the fact they are wonderful people because you set that example and went out of your way to ensure that they were. Allow yourself to be praised for that and accept it. It's a good thing and warrented people think that. Accept good instead of looking to turn things into negative.
Every parent even if they won't admit it have had resentment towards their children though fleeting especially if they've done something completely selfish or negative as your son did over not getting exactly what he wanted. He wasn't grateful.
You really can't feel guilty for not being able to provide everything they want either. You did your best with what you had in terms of money and resources. Perhaps you can arrange something special for him later but don't think you're a terrible mother because you aren't.
To reiterate really look into it perhaps with a therapist or doctor your constant inferiority and feelings of inadequacy, guilt and being depressed one moment and happy the next. It may have something to do with all of this.
|
|
I’m a 16 year old girl and I’ve never had a boyfriend before, unless you count elementary when I had a boyfriend for like 2 hours then we broke up cause we had to go home for the day. I’ve come close to having boyfriends, one was 7 or 8 grade, he wasn’t the best looking but I don’t pay attention to looks and he treated me with a lot of respect so I did like him but my mom said I was too young and plus he was moving to a whole another state as well so that didn’t work out. In 6 I had a crush on a guy but he asked my sister out and she knew I liked him so she happily dated him for 3 months then broke up with him for unknown reasons. Another one was at bible camp and he confessed his feelings for me via Snapchat but my dad and stepmom didn’t want me dating either so I told him that and he stopped talking to me completely. Even when I did try to talk to him over Snapchat and at church he pretended to not know me or he would just go on his phone and ignore my whole existence. Which is weird cause I use to watch his little brother in the preschool and his other siblings seem to like me as well. But I guess I did dodge a bullet cause when I told him I wanted to work in film he kind of made me feel bad like I was an idiot for wanting to be a director when he wanted to be a doctor. And another time I came very close, he was about to ask me out but he found out that me and my sister were related-mind you I look like my dad and my sister looks like our mom so you wouldn’t even stop to think we were related, you wouldn’t think we were cousins either-from our mom when we both said hey mom. Turns out he asked my sister out before our soccer game and she said no so I was his second choice. Another time a boy asked my sister out and she basically said “I don’t like you but I have a little sister who’s desperate.” So I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m kind of scared that I won’t ever have one. And me being a tomboy and somewhat “aggressive” (with sports and competition) doesn’t really help either. I do want one but the boys at my school are how you’d say into the girls that act ghetto and they’re pretty dumb themselves. I guess I’m asking for reassurance cause I do want the white picket fence and the family dog or cat or whatever the kids want but I’m scared that because of the line I want to work in which is film and the fact of my inexperience of being in a relationship that that lifestyle is out of my reach. Also growing up in a family where my grandmas were married to my grandfathers literally as soon as they got out of high school doesn’t really calm me down. And my grandpa asking me when am I gonna have a baby-I’m 16 by the way-isn’t really helping either. I just need some advice on this matter. (link)
|
Number one if you want to pursue a career as a director or in filmmaking than don't let anything stop you. It's not about other's perception of it either. It's about you and where you want and need to be and the contribution you think you could make to society in that field. If someone else doesn't like it it's on them.
Try to study it in university or college. You would be a fool not to. Never let anyone or anything stand in the way of your dream. The right person will know that.
You don't want just any guy or to act desperate. You want to attract the right guy. How do you do this? For starters you need to learn how to be confident about yourself and love and accept yourself before anyone else can love you back. Right now it's pretty evident that your confidence in yourself is in the toilet. But that can change.
You need to see that you have all the qualities and more that guys are looking for already within you. The next thing you need to do is find people who share a common interest with you. If you join student council or drama you'll find all kinds of people with different backgrounds who must work together and become potential friends or more through that. Maybe there is a film club at school.
Also there's nothing stopping you from inviting someone to a movie, dance, event etc. etc. yourself or out in a group and see what happens. I think your problem also lies with pushing too hard to make something happen when it needs to naturally. Perhaps people are turned off by this and or that you don't have confidence or belief in yourself.
Finally, when it comes to dating it's not about age. It's all about maturity and finding the right person and if that takes awhile it's okay. I know it's hard to see friends dating and you aren't but some people are ready sooner and it comes easier and some aren't. When you find someone who is right you'll know instantly.
Also, become very aware of who is around you that you may have overlooked. They might not look physically perfect or fit the idea of what you think they should be but the person under your nose that you may have overlooked could be the one. Always demostrate to people that you're totally open to them.
|
|