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How Should I react when a think a girl has a crush on my BF?
I am 27 my BF 27.
I am in a long distance relationship for five years. We see each other 2/3 times a year. My boyfriend is very caring and nice. And off course I trust him a lot.
A few months back a saw a girl commenting on few of his post. and by her comment it seems like they chat sometimes. She always reacts with love react to his post. and sometimes comments praising his singing.
Now my BF has other female friends, they are his classmates and colleagues. And I am not insecure about them at all. But this girl is not his classmate or colleague.
Now I am not saying that he is having something with her. Like I said earlier I trust him completely. But I don't know why I have this weird feeling that the girl has a crush on my BF and she is trying to impress him. Should I do something about it? It is bothering me a lot. I didn't ask my bf about the girl yet. Should I ask him? How can I ask him? or should I just ignore it?
BTW we don't share our couple picture online or post anything about our relationship online. As me and my BF both are very private person. Our close friends and family members know about our relationship. But we don't showoff online.
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When I think back to what I knew about relationships back when i was in my early twenties, I thought I was relationship smart and doing okay but I was so naive and knew so little. Live an entire life and you learn something hopefully, I did. So I answer you from my experiences. After a divorce from first husband, I put up a dating profile, did some LDR but learned quickly it was a poor substitute for the real (in person) thing.
You did not mention if you met and had a relationship before he had to move. This would cover him going away to college or being away in the military. These are the only LDRs that have a fighting chance, relationships already set in person, knowing the chemistry is there. That is one thing I learned quickly that you can't feel over the internet. Yes, you can tell the persons sense of humor and basically how they think and express themselves, their beliefs and you can fall for that, but that, sadly is not the whole package. And even so, when parted, one or both partners can easily cheat. I would have to say that meeting someone on line can sound good, such as when I met my second husband on line. But no matter how trusting a person you are, there is no way to know for sure what a person is like until you can be with them in person in all sorts of situations so you see them at not just their best but their worst and can see for yourself how they handle that and treat you. You can not get that in an LDR. I had only put ad for a couple hours away, not anywhere in the world. I did this since I had learned how important it was to meet in person asap. Even though we talked every day for hours the first week, I found myself liking him more but at the same time worried there might not be any chemistry. You can think a guy is hot, want to make out with him, but that is not the chemistry I speak of. Yes, there has to be some chemistry to be attracted and want sex but I am speaking of way more, a best friend and lover who doesn't merely love you in return but is in love with you. Theres a big difference. So we met in person and when we hugged as we met in person, I could feel his energy swirl around us and it felt good. He was the gentleman and let me make any moves first so for first kiss and sex and I to make the first move and he was happy I did. He didn't hold back after that. I got to see how he was day in day out, 24/7 so even when he had a crummy long day, he never has taken it out on me like my abusive ex. Talking regularly to someone does not necessarily make a gf or bf. That person is nothing more than an acquaintance, someone you met and like enough to be friends but that doesn't always jive with the more complicated nuances of a lover/mate/partner relationship.
I know you said you trust him. But honey, if you really did, and I know again from experience, you wouldn't have written us about this in the first place. Sorry, not trying to be mean or anything, just sharing what I know to be true, pulling from my experiences. I know that there will always be a sliver of doubt as to your standing with him, how important you are to him. Feeling you have stopped looking for 'the one' cus you feel its him but not sure he also feels 'you're the one' for him. A person can share any words they want. Words are cheap and empty without action behind them. So the I love you's and I promise I never did ... are only words until the person uttering them goes those extra steps to show it to you, not to make you believe them but because they want to since they are hopelessly in love with you, with a unconditional love that makes all the difference.
I will explain that love now. Love is a word we apply to things we really like so much they are now a favorite like chocolate ice-cream, anything to do with Owls, flannel shirts, etc... Unconditional love means they love who you are on the inside as well as what you look like. There is no condition from a partner saying if you gain too much weight, its over, or if you look at another person its over, you don't agree with me on some things so its over, it is so easy to react in a negative way if we allow our minds to be rigidly set with a list of items which if they change, you leave or divorce. An LDR does not give you the confidence you need to have 100 % trust. Even if he was the kind of guy a woman could trust in, his trustfulness can't be conveyed over the internet.
As for asking him questions, it all depends if he is very open with you or still very private and might be offended by all the asking. If you must ask, do NOT text or write him the questions. You must do so by phone so he also gets the benefit of hearing the tone of your voice. Your tone of voice conveys your feelings and has an impact on how people react to you. The ultimate is being in person when the body language is also available to be seen. A same phrase said once in a bored or angry tone will mean something totally different than the phrase said in a teasing, happy, cheerful tone. There are even surveys that have been done on marriages and use of tone of voice. The results were that marriages with better tone of voice communication were the more successful lasting marriages. Thats how important it is and why so many younger people hooked on textings only, have such issues with relationships. My husband tells me often how much he loves me. The three simple words of "I love you" come with so much meaning in his tone of voice, one time adoring, one time going haywire with want, full of desire, unconditional love, especially when you are not looking your best so you know he loves you for you, not how you look, and you of course would need to do the same. I have always asked about other girls out of curiousity, never with a feeling that I might have to defend my place with him as the only female close to him. When those thoughts are in your head, it will come out in your voice. So when I saw him reading a profile of a gal on facebook, I look over his shoulder and ask, who's that, do you know her. He never hides anything, always sharing any time a woman may have interacted with him and often we share laughs about it. This is where you need to be with the guy who is right for you. My guy only wants me for his wife, no other woman. So when at a private New years party, the lady hostess got drunk and forced my husband to dance with her, I began to laugh really hard as my hubby can not dance due to his high functioning autism. He just cant as it drives him crazy. I wasn't jealous because I knew where I stood with him, he never stops telling me and hearing it so often followed by how he wants to spend time around me, lets me know where I stand. He's a big boy and can tell a lady 'no'. Once I was working evening shift at a fast food place. It would close soon, so he was there, waiting for me to get off work. As I am cleaning, I see a regular to the joint, go by and talk to him. She knew me, had seen him there before but didnt know we were married. Remember that with an LDR, I would not be able to benefit from what happened here. So as I am throwing trash in the cans, she is leaving and tells me she met a nice man here. I ask her who and she points to my husband. I laugh and say "He's my husband" but didn't add that he is naturally nice to all women but I can see he is not flirting. She reacts embarrassed, "Oh my God, I am so sorry. I just gave him my phone number." Shes leaves and I finish closing and when I go over to my husband to leave, he tells me, "You won't believe what happened but that blonde older woman who talked to you briefly, came up to me and just gave me her phone number. She had actually asked for help. She needed to be dropped off at a clinic in a few days for substance abuse and it wasn't on a bus route so she needed a ride. Then my hubby who is into semi precious and precious stones and jewelry, commented to a clerk once that he liked her necklace. She had seen us together and she never answered but her head swiveled to me with fear in her eyes, thinking I was about to erupt in jealous rage. This time I put my hand over my mouth to hide the fact I was inwardly laughing at the look on her face. Women get complimented on the their rings or other jewelry all the time and she was the only one so far who knew he was not flirting with her. Now if he complimented only them or hardly ever me, there would be a problem. By experiencing these situations together, my trust in him is always being strengthened. The only concern is that some people who don't know any better, will fall into doing something that benefits them without thinking of the other person they are supposedly with, in your case, you do not know that he could so easily date someone in person on his end cus you'd never know and you even though you wouldn't plan on doing that, could still meet someone you like far better than him and start a relationship in person with the guy who is local. People can have good intentions, but meet someone who is a better fit for them and then they would have to either pretend on line or fess up and end it. But asking him if she is interested in him that he knows of, may not get you the truth. He can say yes or no. Yes, but I am not interested in her, like I am with you. She's just a friend. Or NO shes not interested , when she really is, or definately a no if they have been dating and he wants to keep his options open.
I know you can't tell always after a few dates if someone is right for you. I met guys off the dating site, in person at a coffee shop, soon after talking on line, Usually in a weeks time. I have met a couple guys, one especially who looked like a male model just stepping out of a magazine. But both he and I never felt the chemistry when we kissed and did more so we parted ways. YOu can't force chemistry. So if its not there in the beginning, it won't be there later. I can't think of any other warnings to give you. You must do what you think will be best.
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