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How do I know when timing is right?
I’m a female, 15. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a month now. He has had multiple previous relationships while I’ve only had one, so I guess you could say he’s more experienced. I really like him and I want everything to work out. I just don’t know how to time things. How long in the relationship should you be before you kiss? And is he going to compare me to his previous gfs?
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I have read many experts on the subject state that if a person has to ask if its the right timing, then generally it is NOT.
Add to that, that in kids, teens and even early twenties, the frontal lobe of the brain is not fully mature yet as the body is. So the good solid decision making process is compromised. And what may sound like a good idea now, hasnt really been looked at from all angles and possible outcomes.
I know that some feel it important to have sex as soon as possible with just about anyone who will date them, just so you can say you've done it. That is the wrong reason for it.
Just having sex, the very basics of putting a penis in vagina is something that comes by instinct and no one needs to be taught that part. But there is so much more to sex than that, and what we know in our teens won't compare to what we know when we really study and read up on sex, how to please ones partner, understanding all about your own sexual organs, and how they work.
I remember watching a documentary about orgasms in females or rather the lack of them. Females who had been having sex their whole lives were in their 30s, 40s, 50, etc and had never had an orgasm ever. Part of it, a small part is the chemistry between two people which is more than just liking or loving a few aspects of their character, but someone you all IN Love with, all of them, someone consistently dependable to be what they say they are, not letting you down and so there is trust, etc. Having a partner like this, you are compelled to want to show them in as many ways as possible how much you love them 'not proof' as some young guys demand but true lasting love for someone has a natural outcome which is sex. I am talking about the kind of sex where a guy will spend time on his lady, working on her first until she has an orgasm before he allows himself to have one. Most boys the age you're talking about are not going to gain the experience to know how to give a female orgasms as shown by the documentary I watched. That kind of thing is learned not by having the basic penis in vagina sex but by actual time spent studying and then practicing what they learned. The female is responsible to know what those things are too so she can ask for it. If a guy puts you on a pedastal and treats you like a princess all the time, not just sometimes, then its a good chance that he will be a good lover as well. I do understand some people fall in love as early as high school and marry but that is such a small percentage.
From a party I was at of 30 older adults, a question was posed by one person asking all to recall their first experience of sex with a partner and whether they liked it. Not a single person there could say they liked it. In fact, compared to what they later learned on how to be a good lover, they actually regretted having sex with just anyone dating them in their teens.
I know you were only asking about a kiss but for a teen boy, the impulse to have sex, comes more from a lust for it, not a love for the person so it is usually one sided, him getting what he wanted and to heck with pleasuring the female. The regrets were both from males and females. They wished they had waited until they were college age.
Actually, all 3 of my girls did wait until they graduated HS, one experiencing sex at 18 almost 19, the next at 19/20 and the last at 21,or 22. I am forgetting the actual ages but it wasn't any later than that. And today they are happy with what they have. Even so, by what they share, I can tell that what I know and experience at 60, they have no clue about yet and don't even know is possible. But thats okay as long as both partner are totally pleased.
A kiss can happen at any point. I used kisses after a divorce later in life, as a way to sense if I felt chemistry with a guy. If it was great, I might have sex if he was interested too. If the kiss felt like I just got a romantic kiss from a dad, uncle or brother, it would feel like yuck and make me shudder in disgust. If the kiss feels okay but there still isn't much of a spark ignited in you, meaning just being near him doesn't make your stomach have butterflies and your heart do somersaults, then it will be so so sex, nothing exciting . It is perfectly fine at your age to kiss. But the problem is as I said, it usually leads to more than the girl was ready for. She needs to have the guts to bring up the subject in the first place. I know it may sound awkward and indeed it would be if this was just any person one has just started dated, but a couple truly in love and of an age to be able to handle any outcomes that no one wishes, like an STD, a pregnancy, for them this kind of conversation in very important. Communication during dating on any subject is important and some think the talk they have is good communication but if neither is knows how to tell the other that they like the other enough to want to experience a kiss, then there is a serious problem. Usually it is age related where as I was at that age, we lack a self assurance and so we say nothing. I wish I knew all this when I was your age but I learned what I know basically in my twenties and on. I married at twenty and the man I thought was in love with me, loved only a few aspects about me so he was always trying to change me and improve me to be what he wanted. We also were not sex equals, which means what we both liked was totally different and how often we wants sex differed, with him wanting less and me more. Plus I never had orgasms with him. We had the talk about contraception because neither of us wanted a child to come along early in marriage and didn't want to rely on just condoms. As far as STDs, if a couple decide they want to start having sex, they can both discuss getting tested to prove to their partner with the paperwork that they do not have any disease that can be contracted by sex.
I have a person who is open with me about this kind of topic and said when she was in her 20s, she got a yeast infection from her boyfriend who got it from his last girlfriend. I've had in once and it is so very painful to even walk or sit or move your legs in any way. The pain doesn't come and go, it only increased when she had sex with her partner, so having sex with painful and yet she did not go to a Doctor. She was afraid she would find out she had an STD and would rather not know. So she must have been in pain for a year before she found out at a usual female checkup that she had yeast. Even vaginitis which I've had several times is not as bad, it itches alot, theres a really funky odor but there isn't that off the chart amount of pain, just the itching.
Before you think I am jumping the gun by all this talk of sex when you may be only thinking, first kiss, The more experience he has as in he has had sex with many females before you, how do you know one of them didn't have Herpes? If his mouth had been on her mouth or down below and she wasn't showing sores, he could have contracted the disease. The greater amount of people have herpes now than those who don't, both my second husband and I do. What i learned AFTER getting it, is that no sores are visible, but the germs responsible to catching it, travel up from the bottom of a root nerve to lay invisible on the surface of the skin. When there is skin to skin contact, even just fingers, and those virus germs on now on your finger, you can transfer it to anywhere on your body. Whats even more disconcerting is that a boyfriend of yours or you could be a carrier o f the herpes virus, but it is dormant, not going to the sores s tage, yet the virus germs can still caught. NO one with open sores is going to have sex cus its too painful. So yes, you can get sores from just kissing and end up with oral herpes, even if he has the virus on his lips because he was giving oral sex.
Lastly, one women have a need to be appreciated as being desireable as a woman. Young girls going thru puberty will crave it even with sex. They'll want longer hugs from Dad, his opinions on anything, their homework project, a talent, how they look. I went through that, most females do. But in a right world, Dad is not having sex with his daughter though it has happened. I am using my example, that if a young lady just coming into her femininity, wants it validated, that she is good enough to attract the right guy out there, where better can she learn how a Man should treat her, without sex in the picture but from a Good Dad? As I stated earlier, if she finds a guy who will treat her really well as whoever was her father image or even better, then he will likely be an attentive lover and a gentleman. When I met my second husband and married him ten years ago, at first, he didn't make a move to kiss me but left that up to me to kiss when I felt ready. From all appearences, it would seem he wasn't very sexual at all. He told me afterwards that is there wasn't enough desire in a woman to make that move towards him within the first couple of days, then the connection wouldn't be strong enough. Once I kissed him, he did lots of kissing but did not push for sex. I still had to make the first move. I could tell by the things he said, how he treated me, and the look in his eyes, that he very much did desire me. But women today still believe they can't make the first move. If they do and the guy is offended or gets real upset or angry, then he is a douche bag and she better drop him quick.
So go ahead and kiss him now and while sharing kisses, stop at some point and tell him if right now you only want the kisses but nothing more like sex, if you do want more, let him know you would be interested in more but you need to get on a reliable birth control first, not condoms which could have a leak in them or come off and stay inside you as the guy shrinks quick and is pulling out. Also, condoms only cover the penis, not any other area down there which may have the herpes virus, or even the lips. And that is the most prevalent disease going around, no cure for it, only meds to help with managing outbreaks if the strain you catch is very bad, luckily not the case for us.
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