|
My boyfriend is treated like a teen
My recent boyfriend has been the best person I’ve ever dated , I have never felt so connected to someone . But we are 5 years apart. I’m turning 18 in two months but we’ve been dating for 5 months now. We’ve had our ups and downs but we really love each other. My parents are the only problem. Sadly it unfair for my boyfriend to be treated like a teen even though I am technically still one . I love him but I feel so bad that he has to be treated like a teen and have to sleep in a different bed than me when he comes over or that I can’t just have a dinner at his house cause my parents are strict in that way as my mom fell pregnant with my sister young she doesn’t want me to make the same mistake. I really love him but I see it takes a toll on him .what should I do?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you are 18, you are an adult and can choose whom you date. The only control your parents have if you live at home which it sounds like, is to have rules for what happens under their roof. So a rule may be, your friend Jane is no longer welcome here because she is disrespectful to us and won't follow our house rules. Another might be no playing loud music after a certain time, that sort of thing. And yes, they can insist that you and he not share a bedroom since it is something that occurs under therr roof. They have no say over what happens anywhere else including under the roof of his parents. What ever his parents house rules are you must also follow when over there. So if they say separate rooms, you honor that. If they don't care, then good for you.
What is happening here is that you are being held hostage to what your Moms experiences were. Your Dad did not exercise restraint and got her pregnant early, or at least, they did not both decide to use birth control other than just condoms, like the pill or shot or whatever. But they did not plan, just gave in to hormones when it felt right. So of course they are both at fault and assume that you will do the same. Did they ever use birth control later? I would assume they did and know about it unless you have any where from 5 to a dozen siblings. I don't see why they wouldn't be okay talking to you frankly and letting you know that for their peace of mind and the best for you, that you get put on a birth control so that you are ready in case one of these days you meet and fall for a guy and you have sex. Having a child early is not only tough financially, but messes up with ability to attend school, work or afford child care and all the needs a baby has. It can literally chance the path of your life at an early age. I am guessing your parents are squeamish about talking about sex and only instill rules to avoid the same happening to you. I remind you, you are 18, so if you want to go to dinner at his home or hang out with him there, you can legally do so and they have no say over what you do. The only thing they have a say over is their home. So the only thing they can legally do since you are 18, is refuse to let you live there, kick you out if you don't do as they wish. I know of plenty who have written and thats what happened to them. I don't know if you are looking for work, working, going to college soon but those are all your choices. SOme parents have told their kids they can only go to community college so they can sleep in the family home at night and not be in a dorm room. With the fear they have, I am betting they either have the same if you want to attend college or they have talked you out of it. They can't dictate those things in your life. All they hold over your head is whether you have a place to live with them or not. Having a home is a big need. So if I were you, I would focus on finding a way to have a place to live other than your parents home. If this boyfriend is 5 years older and still living at home, it is more due to the expense of living on ones own. Young people these days can't afford a place of their own. Getting into debt with school tuitions will affect being able to be on ones own in the future. I read the s tory of a nurse in her forties still paying off school loans, almost done but had been living as a pauper all these years because the school loans took a chunk of her budget. Her drove a run down old car, wore 2nd hand clothes, a cheap run down apartment, etc. all so she could live on her own,,,she was single. I can't imagine having the good income of a nursing job or something else and still having to live poor until you are way way older. Trade schools are the way to go in this day and age. I would recommend your boyfriend look into trade schools. The market is begging for workers in those fields. I have kept track of actor Mike Rowes efforts to help close the job gap with Mikeroweworks foundation.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location) He's not against college as you'd see if you watch the following interview with Mike, but against the kind of debt it puts people in and then not being able to find a job. [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I had a kid graduate to work as a Dr.s assistant and never got a job in the field. My 2nd husband has a daughter who got a degree in CGI (computer generated graphics) but never found a job in the field either. You or he or both of you might look into and consider this as one way to be able to be on your own and financially stable in the future. This doesn't solve your issues right now however but looking ahead to your future will fall into place one day soon enough. Of course, you can go into debt going to college and still being dependant on both your parents. Another choice of place to live other than one just your own, is to split rent of an apt with 4 people and 4 paychecks doing any old job that doesn't call for any skill. You and BF are two, and you'd need two more. Things will still be tight but can be done. There is always finding a room to rent in someones home, usually happens more near colleges. I know a girl who wanted to be on her own so bad when she turned 18, that she talked to the pastor of a church she went to, and he found a parishioner who had a room to rent for cheap. It was something she could do while working as a Barista, her first job. She didn't stay there long but it was a stepping stone for her, a way to save up for all the costs of getting into apartment rental.
I won't offer anything to change parents minds because that is not very likely and a waste of time changing their view about this. I know someone who talked to the parents of her girlfriends who were away at college across country and asked if she could rent the bedroom. She knew they were good people and it was mutually good for them and the girl. SHe was working only at the time and soon made the next step into renting a place with 3 other friends she knew from HS who also wanted out of their parents homes. This is all I can think of.
]
More Questions: |