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Why isn't he texting me back?
26/F
I recently reconnected with this guy who I used to be friends with. He lives in California (my hometown) and I live in NYC. The guy is in a long-term poly relationship with this woman who lets him have sex with whoever he wants. When we first got back in touch with each other again, stuff got pretty heated. Since then, we have been sexting and having phone sex over the last 6 months.
I just came back to California for a vacation, and sent him a text letting him know that I'm back in town, and asking about when we were going to hook up. It has been a few days now and he hasn't responded. What is going on?? Does this mean he doesn't like me anymore or doesn't want to see me? If he was busy but did want to meet up at some point, would he have sent me some kind of acknowledging response? Why would a guy want to do cybersex with someone for 6 months and then not want to have sex with them when the opportunity comes up?
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It sounds like you like him know not before you left but once you arrived. For all you know, he might have had plans and had no idea you were coming into the area. What if he went on vacation too but left his cell at home? You don't know. If this is your first experience with and it is true poly, I am familiar with it and know that it comes in many forms...usually a core couple and then each has their other loves, some which they see on a regular basis and others who live out of state, or travel for work and are only around on specific days. I knew a lady who was excited about her poly love in Hawaii visiting in our town.She didn't see him but twice a year. So every poly love in town had to wait as she prioritized time with him while he was in town. Poly is more about a real love relationship than just the sex as it is in swinging. I know the difference and hope you do to. I have met plenty who did not know the difference, swingers pretending to be poly to get me. I am remarried and both hubby and I have poly experiences in our past, nothing major, mostly people we knew who were poly.We have the mentality for it. We are not jealous and we know we'll always be together. We are what would be a core relationship if we both found others. However we're not looking. If it happens it happens. So I suggest you try twice in one day calling, not texting and see if he answers. If he doesn't, his phone is turned off, not working but you'd still hear the ring and message if mssg box isn't full, or he is not at home and left it there. You may not be able to work it out this time.
If I misunderstand and he knew you were coming over, if he was really into you and wanted you as part of his poly network, then he would have made time for you and been expecting you. If I had someone coming into town I hadn't seen in a long time and we were lovers, I would be where ever I had to be when they got in town, whether arriving at the airport, by train, by car and meet the person immediately, even if for a short few minutes until we had some real time together. I am guessing you were kind of hoping for that kind of excitement. Do not rely on text messages because you never know when a person will see them. I tell my own kids, if you really need an answer from me right away, dont text. I might not hear it. I ask them to call so if can see the phone light up next to me even If I don't hear the ring or have it accidently turned off or forgot to turn it back on after being somewhere like at a movie. Talking in person in a call is still way better than texting.
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