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Sister has depression and anxiety. lost in life. How to get back on track?
I just had my world rocked…
During a 2-hour car ride to visit our parents in another city, my much younger sister told me that she feels she has depression and anxiety. This has affected her in all areas of her life. Up to this point, everyone thought she was going to start her 4th year of university but it turns out she has only completed 1.5 courses during this entire time. She feels lost in life, and its really saddens me to know that she has been hiding this all these years… and dealing with it all by herself..
My first instinct is to encourage her to get professional help (a real doctor’s diagnosis).
Eventually, telling this to her traditional Asian parents is going to be a challenge.
Restarting school in a manageable way for her is also going to take some planning.
Looking for advice on how I can support her through this and help her get back on track.
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My oldest told me after the fact, that she suffered depression while in HS, this revealed as things blew out of proportion after the birth of her 1st baby. I felt robbed that she hadn't let on and there were no signs as I was looking for that and lots else, like drinking drug abuse. Everything seemed on the level. So as you know, sometimes its easy to hide.
I had social anxiety when in school and HS. My last year I knew I had to get over it or it would affect my adult life in bad ways. Her body is the vehicle that will get her through life and it cant do a good job of it if it has anxiety and depression. The same goes for expecting a car to get you to your destination but you never once refill all the needed fluids, oil, check for leaks, never get the brakes down and ignore any noises or squeals from under the hood. Most likely it will let you down and breakdown. So your sister will continue to have many disappointments until she decides she needs to change her life around.
About depression: the good news is that 90% of people do not have clinical depression and do not need medicine for it but can be cured simply by going after the thoughts that are creating it. Yes, in most cases, people suffer silently because the biggest complaint they have heard is that everyone hates the side effects of the drugs to control depression. Of the few that need meds, they have no choice. But the majority can be healed if dealing with how their mind thinks, their cognitive effects which only some Psychologists have studied and understand, even though CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has been around for several decades. I am going to give a link to a website of Dr. David D. Burns, a psychologist who after learning of this method, first ignoring it as crazy, then after cajoling from his peers, tried it on his most difficult cases and those people were all cured, fairly quickly and without drugs. No depression, no anxieties. There are books listed on the website. Your sister might enjoy reading them if for nothing more than it giving her hope, that she too can be cured, even if she finds she has little success doing it herself by following the books.
here it is: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I once read 'Feeling Good, the NEw Mood Therapy' because I had family members with depression, but other than a short situational depression when something terrible happened, I have never experienced the long on going one. My favorite is "When Anxiety Attacks" which I can relate to with my previous but cured from anxiety. This one is good for phobias, OCD as well as others and I loved the stories of the types of fears people had and how the Dr. worked specifically with each person for their unique fears. Some may be able to be checked out at your local library. I found one of the books at mine. The others may have to be ordered at your local bookstore if they don't carry it but it can be ordered. She is going to fail at most of what she tries until she is cured. So her first priority should not be muddling through school and finding a way to barely squeek by and pass, or go longer until she can graduate. It would be a waste of time doing so in her condition. I know plenty of people live their lives hiding depression and such but if we look close enough, we will see things that just aren't going well in their lives. So instead of worrying about what to do about school, the focus should be finding the right Dr. Even today, CBT though talked about and known in mental health circles, it still is not emphasized much when compared to medicine prescriptions due to pharmaceuticals giving a kick back to Drs who prescribe their products. It's sad but true.
I don't know how much Ethnic origins of the parents matter, unless they tend to want to save face and appear ok to public but in private all they deem to be outside of the circle of what is normal, is hidden away like junk in a closet. Depression can get so bad and people thinking theyare such a failure that some commit suicide. How would the parents feel then? If they have enough heart to care more that their attitude meant the daughter didn't dare come to them and let them know so they could help her get help, then they will live with guilt forever. Or if they care more about shame brought on the family, by having a daughter with these struggles, then rather than guessing how they might react, it may be better to just go get help anyway she can. If she is in school still, she can talk to the school counselor, mention her situation, being alone other than you , to deal with this and wanting help, perhaps there are clinics low cost Dr.s or insurance she qualifies for as a student. If the parents have medical insurance, as long as the child is still in college, they should qualify to be on the parents insurance. I know this from a person who does taxes and this is something people could claim on their long form, an adult child on their insurance. She can see a Dr. and ask them to keep it private, even if on her parents insurance. If she wants you to know, then due to the privacy act, she can let the Drs know if its okay for you to have access to her info. or keep it totally quiet. So as her sis, reading stuff on the website of Dr. Burns may give you insight as to how support her going through this. She won't feel like going for help and may be more likely to go if you said you'd go with so she's not alone. Start exploring the site, show it to her, if she hates reading read a book or two to her. Find the comments section on the website of people cured, some after living a lifetime with their depression or anxiety or other, and being cured in their fifties. If she has to stop school and focus only on Dr. visits and maybe work part time, the most important thing she can do is really apply herself to whatever homework he Dr. has for her. She has nothing to be ashamed of as a great majority of people suffer some kind of anxiety, or other disorder that could go away with working on the patients thought process. thoughts affect emotions which affect behavior. It is time to do something now so she can start enjoying her life.
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