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2 year hookup
Hi! So I would just like some feedback on my current situation. Im 26 he’s 26. About two years ago I matched with this guy on bumble we really hit it off. The first time we hung out I went over his house we didn’t hook up we just enjoyed our time together. Months go by and we will Snapchat here and there but that’s it. It’s mostly sexting. We ended up hooking up one New Years and it was literally the best sex I ever had. When we are together it is this amazing bond and it’s great but once I leave his house it’s like I don’t exist again. I told one of my friends obviously on how much I like this guy and she went and followed him on instagram and now they like each other’s pics constantly. I tried expressing my concerns to her on how I didn’t like how she followed him and if she could unfollow him. I’m insecure about this because my friends current boyfriend is someone I hooked up with. We are over that now but she told I worry too much it’s literally Instagram and she follows him because she wants to and she won’t unfollow him. So anyway Last December he reached out to me telling me he is talking to someone and our relationship has to be platonic. So basically what? Keeping me on the back burner? I get SO excited when he snaps me or reaches out to me. I wished him best of luck and whatever. Until recently he reached out to me saying how he misses me and why don’t we talk anymore and whatever. Pretty sure he was still seeing this girl. I noticed he unfollowed my friend on Instagram which made me wonder why?? She still follows him. We talked for about a month and finally hooked up the other day. The sex was just so amazing. He was telling me how his d*ck is mine and how it always has been. I didn’t ask if he was still with that girl or what. And now it’s like I don’t exist again where he doesn’t talk to me or ignores me or whatever. I know I deserve better but he blames it on working so much he doesn’t have time for me. But it’s like you have time for this other girl why don’t you have time for me? I wish I could let him go but I really feel like he does have feelings for me too.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you feel he has feelings for you and you believe those feelings to be love, then check out this test I found on the web years ago and added some of my own stuff to clarify. A guy wrote it for females to be able to really know if a guy loves them. Here it is:
DOES HE LOVE ME?
Either he's doing a bad job of showing it to you or you are doing a bad job of picking up on the signals.
Why some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesn't deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.
1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wanted and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women translate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
I already know he fails at number two from what you said because when a man is very interested in a woman for the whole package, not just sex, he will make time for her, in fact she will be on his mind constantly, every day, several times a day, and not just about memories of fun in bed. He will rearrange his priorities so she can be one of the top three where the other is his job or school, and often its a sport team or his buddies that come in third. You said he blames the inconsistency of seeing you on too much work. Might I suggest that isn't quite true. Perhaps he is a work-a-holic and CHOOSES to work extra long and more often. If he isn't working 2 jobs just to make ends meet on his budget, then a man will always find time to be with the woman he loves. I understand what you said about times hanging out with no sex before you hooked up, but many men will take the time to work with a girl to fake her into thinking he is really into her, wants her in his life, maybe for a long term or life long relationship when all they feel is lust, not love.
Hey, I like good sex too and I know what you mean about the great connection. When dating, I had sex with some of the guys and there were a couple I felt something beyond the sex, like a special energy that I asked and he felt too. I knew I wanted that in the next man I married. I was divorced from my first husband. And yes, I found the man I wanted. I had criteria he had to meet, met on Plenty of Fish which I believe has changed lots since then but it is internet dating. We used it only as a tool to learn of each others existence and met in person ASAP. I am telling you about him because of the work issue your guy supposedly has. My husband (I married him) had a teen daughter living with him and was divorced as well. He knew what he wanted, a spiritual woman and one who was his sexual equal. I understood that as my first husband and I were terribly mismatched in that area...it means I never had orgasms with him, I had a high libido and him a low one, and he confessed at the end he had never been in love with me and had turned my advances down quite often. So even though I am older, I am still active in that area and know how wonderful it can feel. Heck I felt some of this with other guys as far as the sex but something was lacking.
I can tell you what that is. Do you know the one thing that makes a difference between a friendship and a husband? Both need to have true friendship to survive but the mate for life partnership also has something that friendship doesn't, and that is the sexual desire, the romance, the love and the great connection in love making. The sad thing is that most married couple or long term dating partners have only one thing, just the friendship, or just the great sex but not both. YOu would think people wouldn't waste time on someone they didn't have both with but when I was young, I didn't know any better either, I married at 20. However, if you truly want to learn, you need to do so with women who are older and have a boyfriend/husband with whom they have both friendship and a lover. When a couple are just friends but have no sex anymore, they were never meant to marry because they weren't a good sexual match. So if one or both get the urge, they go looking for sex outside the marriage or partnership. If a couple has only great sex, then either they only have fun and get along while having sex, but otherwise, one is scarce and doesnt seem to care or if married and stuck with someone they feel no friendship or caring towards otherwise, they are constantly fighting and angry.
Sounds like you and this guy are a typical scenario of two people who have great sex but lack a true friendship. It could be even worse, in that you are nothing more than a booty call for him.
What you are looking for in a man is consistancy. I was and I got it because I turned down every guy who was inconsistant to what he portrayed himself to be, the good qualities I was looking for. Instead, many lied to me, had anger issues, were verbally abusive with others, not me yet, but like my first husband, it took a month into marriage before his true self showed and the abuse came forth. My second husband is consistent. If he makes a promise, he keeps it, never messing up even once.
Another thing to address is what he says to you. Words are cheap and easy to say but much harder to stick with upholding them. So he can say he missed you, because if he said he didn't miss you but would like to hook up, would you have? Guys will say what they think a gal wants to hear to get what they want. He may like aspects of your personality, or love some as my ex did, but that is not true love like being in love. I hoped this perspective helps you some.
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