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Why is he being nosy and sounds like he’s jealous?
Hi ya,
My ex boyfriend saw some pictures on my desk top the other day and asked me if I fancied the boy I was with on the pictures. I said we’re only friends as we are but he sounded curious and asked, do you like this lad? I said no, he’s just a mate, he asked back, how do you know him, I said he was introduced by my friend and he looked at me and asked again, why do you have a pictures of a lad who you only have known for a 2 days, I said I’ve known him for a week, he asked back again (seemed like he was trying to find some answers from me), do you like him, I said nooooo, he’s a good lad and down to earth, he’s a friend, I replied. I mean I know my ex because when we’re dating he was a possessive, jealous and curious boy ever, he used to fire question after question but since we broke up he rarely asked but all of a sudden he saw my pictures with a boy and started to asking things again. I do like when he’s jealous and possessive but when we were in a relationship but as we’re not anymore, I’m wondering, why is he nosy as before? Sounds like he’s jealous but I don’t know because he’s dating a girl and I’m still single and he can’t seem to bear to see me with a boy.
Please help! We’re in our early 20’s.
Appreciate the help!
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Why is he sounding jealous, because he is. Jealousy is a fear of losing something. He has already lost you. So what else could he be fearing losing? I don't know how much you have studied alpha males but he is an 'Alpha Male' wanna be. He is not confident in himself as a male and feels threatened by any other male on the planet, or at least, those he sees or comes across in his daily goings about. It's not that it is a threat of a fight, he simply feels that when people, especially women, any women, see him and see the other man, he belives comparisons are being made and he feels he won't be able to stand up to the comparisons and fall far short. This is a self image problem and needs a psychologist to help a person deal with and learn how to overcome. HOwever in many cases, the male with vehemently deny that anything is wrong with him and refuse to go see a professional. So its not just photos on your lap top but if he sees you or his girlfriend talking to another guy, that is already threatening to them. Men like this will push and push hoping the female will crack and tell the stuff he thinks they are hiding from him, that the man he is questioning about is a much better man than him and that they are glad they are no longer with him. Then he can feel righteous in losing his control of his emotions and yell, or belittle you or the other guy or warn you to stay away as that other guy is no good, just trouble, etc. All I can think of to say is that you may want to limit the times you see him or not spend anytime with him at all any more and avoid him because he will do this no matter how much time goes by. Imagine you are engaged to be married. He walks up and starts harassing the guy, making you look bad and telling all sorts of lies just to get the guy to break up with you, not so that he can have you back, not because he is in love with you, but because something is very twisted and wrong in his mind. You can't trust the reasons he gives for anything he says or does when it comes to any male he sees you with. It could be a male cousin visiting he doesn't know about and he'd give you the same drill. Maybe not about photos but he'd want you to give a whole life history on your make cousin so he can try to find some possible bad things according to his perceptions about the guy. Instead of learning how to gain self esteem, people like this won't agree they have a problem so they are driven to find a way to lower everyone else down so it appears they are way above them. Its a competition to be the top guy, the best and most wanted man by all females. I've had run ins with this type of person in my life and thats why I am so familiar with them. Trying to remain friends with him is a mistake. He is not a normal thinking person and won't get help so its best to totally avoid him. If he comes along outdoors, you get up and start leaving. If he follows, make up something, like too bad on the timing, you have somewhere to be. If he asks, You say, you don't need to know, you are no longer my boyfriend. If he says, but friends tells each other. YOu can say, am I being interrogated? I've said all I am going to say. Have a nice day. and walk away, drive away and ignore the tons of questions he will keep tossing at you until he finally realizes you are not going to say anything. We have a former homeless man and there is bad stuff in his background, and this dude pushed his freindship on hubby and I and followed us around looking for our car so he found us if we were out shopping, at a Starbucks, taking a walk at the park, etc. We told him months ago that we no longer want to associate with him. Then one day as we are sitting in our vehicle outside of the pharmacy we go to, next to a store hubby used to work at recently, he comes up to our window. My husband told him to go away. The guy asks why when it was explained to him at least 3 times in details in the past about how he screwed us several times, owed us money and thats just the start of the list. Its like you trying to answer the exs questions about your male mate, he is going to forget the past and focus on only what is making him feel immediately bad about himself and how he doesn't match up against another guy, any guy. So we kept telling him to go away and we didn't drive off because we were waiting to give a ride to a friend getting off work in a half hour. Hubby kept threatening to call the police. Eventually he got on the phone and when the guy saw that, he left in his car. The police told us that there is a law against harassment. If you do not want to see a person or have them constantly try to hunt you down for whatever, then in our state in the US and in our city, a complaint can be filed against him in court. It will cost us money to do so but it will work the same as a restraining order. That unwanted person will be on file in court as harassing if not having threatened or abused the one filing the restraining order. It won't prevent them approaching a second time after the filing is done but police can now legally pick up the guy and haul him in for questioning and if he persists, he will have to spend time in jail. I do not know what laws you have in the country you live in, but from using Mate instead of friend, I doubt its the US. Just check with your local police is he harasses or threatens you and do not choose to be freindly, have him on any social sites, or texting answeres to him or calling. Cut it off. He is no good, even for a friend. Then relax and go on with your life and enjoy.
A parting word since you kinda liked him being jealous and possessive. According to a psychology report,
It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness. Protectiveness is normal otherwise but shouldn't be confused with Possessiveness which is a desire to own another person, making all their decisions for them, wanting to dominate another person so totally that sometimes the victim has no life of their own.
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