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I’m not sure.
Hi I’m Angel... I’m 35 years old... about 6 months again I met a guy while shopping at the store... he’s 53 by the way and this is the first time in my life where I dated someone with that much of an age difference... we hit it off automatically with our first conversation... I mean, we have so much in common. I haven’t been in a relationship before him in about 8 years... And two months into us getting to know each other he admitted to me that he was in a 12 year relationship and he just broke up with his ex... at the time I was hurt. I felt lied to and betrayed... yet I continued to date him because I felt it was still early and ppl do sometimes come with baggage... now flash forward 4 months, and his ex still calls him when I’m over his house, back to back sometimes... and we’re still in the dating stage... he told me that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now, he just want to continue to be friends and date.... but I don’t want that I want to be in a relationship.... I’m not getting any younger and my goals is to grow with someone and one day get married... and I reallly like him, we spend time together every time he has an off day... we talk everyday, for hours...it’s just the commitment part missing... a part of me feel like I should move on and the other part of me wants to stay... but, I’m uncertain whether I should move on or not... he made it clear he does not want a relationship... I’ve never met any of his family only his brother... we mostly 90% of the time just hang out at his home... he has lots of female friends and his ex still calls a lot... lastly he’s going out of town with a group of friends I have no idea who they are... and he wants me to check on his house get his mail for him while he’s gone and last night he told me that there might be days and nights where he won’t be able to talk to me while on vacay because that’s how he is on his vacation that I didn’t get invited to in the first place... help me guys... I think I love this man but I don’t know what to so
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Since you mention he's 53 and also divorced, I'd like to speak for that age group and how those people think. I am almost 60, left my ex 10 years ago. I know others my age group too also divorced and they all feel the same as I do, there is no reason to get married the second time around. Lots of those approaching retirement are finding they will get lots less in benefits if married. However we come from a generation where there was more of those who had commitment in relationships. I mention this in case this is what he meant by not wanting a relationship. My husband and I are together for 9 years now and never legally married. However we know we want to grow old together. We still consider each other husband and wife as do other older couples who are together but not married. So you need to talk and find out if it is marriage he doesn't want to go through again but may be open to being committed to the right person for the rest of his life. At least you know he is not lying about having an ex because you are able to go to his home. A guy i met once would not invite me over ever. When I pressed, he disappeared because he was planning to cheat for the firs time and got cold feet because he knew there wasn't a way to hide the fact he had a wife from me for too long. I am one who asked questions and didn't accept non answers or words that didn't explain much or couldn't be understood.
Now on the other hand, he is two months with you. If he were as crazy about you and my husband was about me, he would be on the phone every night talking to you, even if on vacation. Better yet, he would have done what he can to bring you along. I understand if a vacation involves plane tickets or reservations at some lodge, there may have been a limit on number of people. I am sure he knew about this upcoming vacation long enough to have wanted to find a way to include you at extra cost at the very end if he was really crazy about you and couldn't bare to be apart. My 2nd husband, once we met at his place so I could meet his teen daughter, couldn't wait to see me again and each time we were together he asked if the next day would work or day after. When a guy is 100% into the girl, this is how he acts so I can tell you his interest is not 100%. I can't say where it falls. It may be enough for him but that may not be enough for you. All you can do is tell him what you want and that as far as you can see, though you have a lot in common, that some major things you both want are so different that it is a deal breaker for you to spend any more time with him as anything more than a friend. You don't mind hanging out with him as a friend, with no benefits but you will continue your search for a man who does want to commit and marry and is in love. I too met guys I thought I could love but too soon found a crucial issue that meant I should keep looking. Females fall in love way too quickly and easily. Your feelings/emotions can lead you astray from what is right for you and you end up settling for less than is right for you. Think about females in bad or abusive relationships. Not all but many are in love with their crappy excuse for a man or abuser. That is why you shouldn't rely on just the feeling. He may have been so burnt out by his marriage that he doesn't want to ever love again, just find someone to while away the time with. You are either going to be strong enough to say such a thing and walk away from him or put up with less than you really wanted. I am not talking about his age...that is not the problem, just his commitment. If you can tell him its only friendship for you and you start dating others again, he will know you are serious. Especially if you are not available to hang out because you are out on a date. It is a situation like this that may bring up his deepest wishes he didn't know he had but were buried subconsciously. If he knows he is going to lose a chance at having you in a committed relationship, he is forced to admit to himself if he has feelings or not. If he does have enough interest to commit you will hear from him. Otherwise, he'll being wishing you luck on finding that guy and you will have the answer you seek, that he is not in love with you, just loves some aspects of you. But that is not enough for a successful relationship.
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