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Hiding having a bf from my parents
So I just got out of a relationship about a week ago because he had to move away. The whole 5 months I was with him I had to hide it all from my parents because they think I'm too young to handle a relationship. I said I was going out with my best friend when really I was going on dates with him. I hate hiding guy problems from my parents I feel like I'm growing apart from them and that I can't to them, How do I tell them about my problems when I could get in trouble or have my phone confiscated? I am a 13 y/o female and I just want to be closer with my parents and not have to lie but still feel like I have some sort of independence/ freedom.
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I know I felt mature and ready for anything at your age. Looking back, I now know I was not. It is a good idea though to have male friends at your age that you can hang out with but as friends, like your girlfriends, not as a dating steady couple with possible romance tossed in. Yes, I'd have to say at your age, its a bit early yet.
However, as I said, there should be no reason you can't invite your male friend over. Just make sure neither of you call each other bf/gf in front of your parents. I gave my daughters this option. If a guy really liked them and wanted to start seeing them as a gf I said he was invited to come to our house as long as one of us parents were home. You may be a good girl dear. I had all girls. But boys at that age can get carried away and not know how to stop themselves and you end up a pregnant teen, even if right now you are not even kissing or anything. So the requirement were that their bedroom door had to stay open. My daughters were okay with that. This gives the parents a chance to get to know the guy and if he treats the parents as well and friendly as he treats their daughter, he will earn points with them.
My daughters invited boys over. None ever took them up on it. Because they were not as interested in them as a person as they were in finding a girl to eventually have sex with and maybe slowly work their way up to it. I am not saying all guys are like that, even some good guys make that mistake but most are. You wont' believe me now but when you are much older, you will realize its true.
If I were you, I'd have talk with my parents. Let them know you have a friend you'd like to invite over to hang out with you. THen tell them the friend is a male friend. Do not use the word boy or boyfriend as that will immediately put the thought in their head of a boy dating their daughter. Whether they are open minded or not, this is the best way to ask. They may say no. Remain calm, don't protest, act like the young adult in training that you are. If they say no, you say, I'd like to appeal that and don't wait as they may say no again. I have lacked info that would've changed my mind as a Mom. When the daughters calmly told me after I'D said no to something, with the extra info, I repealed my previous answer and said yes.
Whether to explain or reassure them even if they said yes, you tell them that you would only bring a male friend home if one of them were there and if they wanted your bedroom door to stay open, that's okay with you.
Yeah, I know, you may not like that idea but you have to take things slowly with the parents...and i am a parent telling you this. So even if you are not happy with that situation, it is one step closer to getting to where you want to be.
I know of a girl whose parents allowed her boyfriend to come over when they were home. He didn't act awkward around them or ignore them, he was polite, would hold conversations with them. All the things your guy would need to be able to do to reassure them he's the kind of guy they can trust. I don't mean putting on an act for them. I know my girlfriends could talk to my parents briefly if they asked her how she was. They began to think of one of them as another daughter. I was the same with my girls besties who were over the most and they were all good people I knew I could trust. A parent doesnt want their child hanging with anyone who has tendencies to get in trouble in might drag their child along.
In the story of the girls whose parents got to know her boyfriend, and they called him a bf, they were more open minded, after a year or two of accepting him like one of the family, they allowed them to go out on real dates away from home because they trusted the guy and shortly after that when the daughter confided they wanted to start having sex, the parents were actually okay with it and got her protection. No, thats not your average parent, getting to that point. However a thing to point out is that this is a good way to get used to talking to a guy and getting to understand how guys are different in how they think, reason and such. In real life girl, these are important things for any female to know no matter how old she is. There are 20 and 30 something women who never learned this and as a result, are still having troubles with guys and understanding them. Also, for any mature adults who want to have a relationship together, there are two parts to any such relationship. Unfortunately most couples have only one or the other, not both. Both are being each others best friend and second each others sexual equal. The friendship is very important and that is something you can work on now. The sex part can come later. Couples who have the best sex partner but are not friends, only enjoy that time in bed together but are fighting and treat each other like crap the rest of the time which is most the time. The other is couples where they are the best of friends and love each other dearly as friends, but are way too different in their sexual likes or even lacking chemistry so they can't arouse each other. And they don't want to part becuase they love as friends but are not fulfilled sexually and both may go have affairs and hurt their partner.
I say all that so you know why it is so important to start as friends and that is one thing that no parent should have trouble with, you staying at the friendship level for now. If you must have a kiss from him, do so somewhere at school, otherwise try what I have shared as no reasonable parent should have any problem with it.
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