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Right,
I say things whenever we argue or disagree and my boyfriend goes on and say why are you making an assumptions? Again with the assumptions? Maybe I’m saying things that it’s not going to happen even he gives me this impression. I maybe worry too much and say oh you’re going to do that even I don’t want you to and he replies why’re you making so much assumptions? Thanks. What do I think here? What’s he saying?
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I am sure you know the definition of assumption but will list it here to work off it.
Assumption: a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.
I have in recent years become more interested in mental health but I am no professional. All I know is what people I am familiar with are going through and what I have read that psychologists have written. I have read from several such writers who all talk about something called 'distorted thinking'. This is not a mental illness and ALL humans are open to having these kinds of thoughts pop into their heads. I remember reading a book of Dr. David D. Burns in which even he admits to such thoughts popping into his head and those of colleagues. The difference is ability to recognize it for what it is and then quickly choosing to replace that thought with the truth and stop dwelling on the distorted one. IN one of his books, he goes over the different sort of distorted gymnastics our minds can go through. As I said, I am no professional but making of assumptions does remind me of one particular line of thinking the Dr. referred to. Its talking as if we can predict the future and being so sure of it, like fortune telling. NOt saying that there aren't true gifted psychics, I am friends with one. But most times we try to predict outcomes or certain to happen as the definition of the word said. And the only proof we rely on is our feelings which are not really proof and similar things or the same outcomes that have happened before. But there is no 100% proof that can say the same will happen again. This would be like Jane be always late, a procrastinator. She's always shown up late to meet with friends. Then she kicks that bad habit and becomes very punctual. However, her best friend Emma still invites her to show up an hour to a half hour earlier than the start of a party because she is assuming Jane will be late, based on the way things have been in the past. Or lets saythe new Jane's car battery is dead and she calls to say she might be a little late. Emma's assumption is that means she'll be an hour or more late or might not show at all. Jane goes next door and asks her neighbor to help and then is only 15 minutes late, but traffic was good and she arrives only 5 or 10 min later than the time Emma gave.
This goes both ways, predicting what will happen and also what won't happen. Its being so sure you know the outcome will be exactly as you believe and say. While he may be true in seeing this in you, it doesn't mean he is without issues himself. As I said, All humans get the distorted thoughts popping into their mind. Its what we do with them that determines if we have less than the best mental healthy-ness in thought processes or whether we develope what resembles a mental illness or is one. The key is ability to recognise a distorted thought and then not to keep thinking about it but dismiss it. You actually do best to talk to yourself and tell yourself not to think on it because it isn't something you can prove 100% for sure. You can't be 75 0r 80% sure. The numbers sound good but if you were on trial for something you didn't do and you were convicted on only 75% feeling of the jury being sure, that wouldn't set right with you right? NOw we've talked about assumptions. It might be good to go over what is going on in the relationship and what his part is in it, the good the bad and the not so sure that might be causing problems for you. If you have other issues some you are sure of and others you are not so sure of that the boyfriend is part of, then that would be the next focus. I'll say why...because I worked on myself and became very healthy mental wise of such thoughts. However the person I was married to did not believe he was causing any problems. It takes two to tango is a phrase that means there can't be a one sided problem with a couple, the other will be doing something wrong too that adds to the situation and keeps it going. MY ex still has lots of issues. My kids see him more often than I do and from what I hear, he has not changed and still can not hold on to a relationship. There are things about him that have not been fixed, true mental illness and other mental related issues that a Psychologist told me was so after the ex reluctantly went for a few visits with me. He told the Dr. he still did not think he had any problems and was only going to make me happy in hopes I'd stay with him. No way.
So I know that there will be something he is doing or not doing that contribute to issues like this. He isn't perfect. If you want help with anything more, just post for everyone of if just to me, go to my column and write to me from there.
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