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I love bruises and so does my boyfriend but he is struggling to give them.
For, what i think are, obvious reasons him and I both love bruises all over my body but he's been struggling to bruise me. Yes he can give me hickeys but that's not all I like, I really enjoy fingerprints on my inner thigh and hips. How can I help him do this, like what are some tips for him and I to try so he can master the fingertip bruises?
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You state he loves the idea of bruising you all over. I can't judge what is a turn on for others sexually and I do not care for that myself. But I am open minded and if that is what turns you on, great. However there may be plenty of reasons that he won't do this and forcing the issue could result in you breaking up down the line.
One one thing,the way he was raised plays a part. If he had a parent who beat him til he had bruises, he may not see that as a good thing to see on a persons body and brings up bad memories.
Or he could have been raised to treat women are certain way, being gentle and respectful. So you may wonder how he could love to think about and talk about it but when it comes to doing it, he can't or won't. There are two kinds of sexual turn ons, the ones that involve just the mind which is considered our greatest sex organ. For many, just the watching of porn, or thinking about something that is out of what they consider proper or out of their comfort zone sexually can be a great turn on but the actual carrying out of doing it is not at all and can in fact be a real big turn off or scary.
So lets turn this around and lets say the female finds the thought of being raped is a sexual turn on to her. I have heard there are plenty for whom this works. However if they were to be raped in real life, it would be traumatic and not pleasant as imagined in their mind and certainly not arousing but terrifying instead. So its entirely possible that this is more of a mind related, thought thing that he likes thinking about but cant and won't be it in real life because it would be disgusting to him or whatever he'd feel.
There are no tricks or cute little tips to get a person to doing something that goes against the grain for them. When we ask a person to change who they are even in small ways to be perfect for us, theres always the chance they lose self respect or you can lose respect for him, even though you wouldn't think so. I'll explain this one before going on. If you keep changing him to become exactly what you want instead of finding a man who is already on the same page as you, the one asking the other to do something that goes against who they are at core, can make you have less respect for someone who no longer resembles the person you first met. I'm not saying you will but its a possibility over time. If he does exactly like you want in everything, forcing himself even though it goes against the grain for him, you will eventually not be happy with him just doing it but want his mind and heart into it as much as you. You can't do anything to change that. So you can lose interest in him when this happens to you and he can also come to resent you for asking him to do something a step farther than he was comfortable with. Wanting a person to do something that is not part of who they are as a personality isn't always just one thing but is or can grow into demanding lots of subtle changes in too many areas for them and the resentment grows even though they do as you ask. But eventually, something has to give under this kind of pressure and it's usually the relationship, by breaking up. I hope I explained that well enough.
So have a talk with him and try to find out if there are differences for him in what he finds exciting sexually to think about but would never want to carry out. And ask if the bruising is one of them. If so, then you two should neither have to change for the other, you simply have the wrong partner. But most people wouldn't break up over something like a difference like this. Instead they would find a compromise they both can live with. If no compromise can be found in your situation, which I assume is the case, you want real live bruises, not him thinking about them as it doesnt do the same for you as it might in his thoughts, then you both will never be happy or see eye to eye in this area. Then its a matter of time before you get tired of not getting the bruises you want and go elsewhere. Love isn't just an attraction to the person on skin level, their body, their hair, etc but who they are inside with all their likes and dislikes.
I understand being sexually mismatched better than most as I had that with first husband. A relationship needs two important things to have a solid foundation for that relationship.
One is being each others best friend and second is being each others sexual equal. And that would mean he'd be okay with giving you real bruises. Since he isn't, I am guessing you two are not equals in the sexual area. He may enjoy rough sex but that is likely a bit over what his internal limits are.
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