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How to be in a relationship if I'm not affectionate
17/f
So recently me and this guy started Vibing and he really likes me and i feel like I'm starting to like him and he knows how I feel. The problem is I'm scared to get in a relationship because I'm not exactly a affectionate person and I don't like spending too much time with people. When it comes to friends and family I'm fine with hugging and stuff but I'm just not affectionate with guys.i only had my first kiss last year and that was with this guy's best friend who I had a really big crush on. And I haven't kissed anyone since. I don't know how I'm suppose to be in a relationship if I'm not affectionate and don't wanna spend every weekend with the guy and he is affectionate and does want to?
And another thing:
Now that I'm vibing with a guy I know it's all my mom and sister will talk to me about because they want me to be on a relationship but I don't wanna just talk about that and if I say that then I'm "being rude". I also don't want him to come to every family BBQ every weekend and they will expect me to invite him because my sisters boyfriend always comes but I like spending the time with my family just relaxing and I don't wanna have to have a boy with me. Please help I don't know how to deal with this. I'm not gonna rush into a relationship if I'm not sure but I'm seeing where it goes.
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Looks like your entire problem is your family, not the fact you don't feel affection toward guys. At your age, I did not have any guy I felt affection for either. I saw some traits I admired in people, guys too, but it didn't go beyond that. It is perfectly normal. All my daughters went thru HS without BF's. They didn't start dating until they were out of HS a year or two, when THEY felt ready.
It's your life, not your sisters or Moms to live through vicariously (meaning in a way where they experience in their imagination that which they see you experience through what ever happens in your life) If your Mom is married still, she should focus on her husband and get enjoyment and excitement in her life that way or if single, tell her to try dating and experience relationship stuff on her own, not thru watching you cus you aint ready. For sister and her bf who comes over all the time, tell her to focus on her bf and the excitement of that relationship rather than try to experience more through seeing you with a BF. Remind her its your life to live as you see fit. It most certainly is not rude for you to choose not to do as they say. Nor is it disobediant. When one is ready to date and whom one chooses to date is NOT EVER the choice of your family or friends or anyone else on the planet, but you. Instead of you being out of line, they are the ones out of line because they are being nosy, pushy, gossipy,making assumptions, putting pressure on you, etc etc.
I feel bad for you but somehow you will need to make yourself heard and in as nice a way as possible, tell them and who ever else, to back off.
I am suspecting that Mom and sis are not entirely happy with their own lives down at a subconsicous level. You'd never get them to consciously admit that. But a relationship takes effort and time put into it. So if both have only time to pressure you to date and want details, and proof, then they are not emotionally there for their partners. Just because sis has a bf who comes over all the time doesnt' mean its a good relationship. It may be so-so. She feels she is normal because she's under the assumption or control of Mom to have a BF and so she is wanting to meet status quo, or be just like what she assumes everyone else does...like trying to keep up with the Joneses. Doing that only makes a person lose track of whats important when they are doing what they do only to impress others, impress Mom but neither are the most perfect for each other. I am betting if there was no food offered, that her bf wouldn't be wanting to come over as often. Young men have bottomless stomachs and can eat lots so the appeal of free food on a regular basis may be as strong or stronger than the appeal of seeing your sister. I don't care how cute or happy a couple may look together in public. What counts is how she's treated by the bf when no one else is looking or witness to it.
You also are normal to not feel affectionate toward guys. Guys at your age feel much more strongly the desires for sex rather than a desire for love. Just having a guy inside you does not mean you both feel affectionate towards each other or feel love. Males are able to separate Love from lust in their minds. Not saying all guys your age are like that but the greater majority are. If you don't feel ready to jump ahead to kissing, cuddling, fondling, affection, or feelings of horniness and having sex, cus at some point, (even just a plain old bf) it will naturally end at sex, then don't go down that path til you are ready. If you decide you are not ready until you are closer to 30, thats fine too. You won't be the only one who chooses that path. But I can tell you that when you do find a man who is truly in love with you and though he is willing to say so, he proves it to you by how he treats you and what he does for you, then the feelings of admiration and attraction will fall away to being affectionate and falling in love. Even if you still feel somethings wrong with you that you don't feel more, I was like that too, more in control and logical and actually kind of more like a guy in how I think and emotions. I don't get all out emotional like a female very often. But yet I have an absolutely fabulous loving affectionate relationship with my 2nd husband. I married too young 1st time and chose a guy who really truly didn't love me but felt he needed to fit in, in the eyes of others and thought he'd look like he fit in better by having a wife and then eventually the 3 kids. At the very end, in counseling, when asked if he was ever in love with me, he said No. Shocking to finally hear him admit it but I knew by how he treated me. Don't feel forced to 'look' just like everyone else because if you were a fly on a wall, you'd see that a good chunk of those couples who seem to be in love and happy, really aren't and have troubles.
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