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being a fool for love please help
Hi I'm a 23years old lady with two kids a boy and a girl whit the same guy and give being wit him for over 9 to 10 years by this guy has never stopped mixing me wit other ladies i mean he always cheated on me n wen I find out I always go back home but he always come to get me back n one time went back home n i decided to just forget about him n move on II try to meet new people but I ended up being wit him again n he tosured me for being wit others n dat time he also had other people in his life n we got back together he tried to show love n keep on saying he loves me and I'm de woman he want to spend his life wit bcoz of the love I have for him I believed him. Not long after all dat he went back to Wat he is good at wish is cheating n every time I try to talk to him he gets very angry n end up beating me for the fact that I checked his phone n found out that he is in love wit someone else, so don't know what to do should I go back home or Wat I love this guy a lot but isn't keep on being a fool for love please help
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Being in love with him is going to be your downfall dear. I was with a husband who was verbally abusive for all my marriage of almost 30 yrs. At the end he was progressing to more like shoving me out of his way. Around the 10 yr mark, all the love I had that was never returned, finally fizzled out. And then I stayed because of financial reasons.
I assume he only hits you, not the kids. Even if he never does, you still need to think about the kids.
As they grow up, whatever they witness every day, they either believe is normal and the way things should be because they really have no other comparisons to make at that age, or they try to copy their parents, in everything. Its natural to see parents talking, walking and want to do the same but that extends also to our bad habits, and bad behavior. Staying with him is doing your children a disservice.
I had all daughters and they grew up seeing him verbally abuse me. He also got angry and yelled at them often or acted like a child and picked verbal fights with them. I now feel bad for staying with him until they became adults. It warped their ideas of what healthy relationships should be or made em gun shy of getting involved with a guy. Last report is that the oldest daughter is with a very bad abusive guy and had her kids taken away by CPS, the middle daughter dates but would prefer to just be on her own as a cat lady, and only the youngest decided to search for someone who is the opposite of her Dad.
Staying in a toxic relationship doesn't mean you are a fool or stupid. Its a process, lots of it I believe is a mental process. I went to counseling for a while to gain some sane insights. A toxic person will try to separate you from family, friends and society. I have friend who when pregnant with 2nd child, the abusive husband kicked her in the stomach and she lost the child bleeding all over the kitchen floor. When she went to agencys for help because like your guy, he'd track her down and drag her back home, someone finally told her, "Since he's so good at tracking you down if you stay around here, my suggestion is to cut off all ties to people you both know, pack your son in your car and just start driving across the country to get as far away as you can. Keep phone unlisted, and hopefully he'll never find you.
I hope it doesnt take such measures for you to get away when you are finally ready. But most abused women try 7 times to leave an abusive man before being successful. Going back to your parents or anywhere he knows where to search for you is not going to work. You already know that. He'll come and drag you away again and again and again.
Here's a link to the National Domestic Violence with their phone numbers and an article on 50 obstacles women face to leaving their abusers.
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It would be best if you got in touch with counselors who work with battered abused women. Its not really about his cheating anymore but the abuse dumped on you.
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