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Moving Out or Not Moving Out
Hello, I'll try to make this quick so here is the deal...I'm 22 and female and my boyfriend, whom I have been with for 1.5 years is 24. We have been looking at apartments because we believe that we are ready to do that and test the waters out in the real world.
Now, I've always grown up being the good girl, listening to my mom and dad and following all of the advice they give me so please do not give me advice to not listen to my mother and just pack my things and go because that is not the kind of person I am.
I am a preschool teacher, making 26,000 a year and my boyfriend is an assistant manager at a walmart, making 53,000 dollars a year. I don't want that to come off as showy, it is to simply give you an estimate of what he and I are living off of. He and I have been looking at an apartment and we really like it because it does allow pets and we do have a dog. The rent for the apartment that we like is either 800 for a two bedroom or 945 with two bedrooms and a small den for an office space, also with a balcony and he really wants office space so he is leaning more toward the 945, plus the balcony would be fun for our pup. I believe that is a bit pricey but he said it is only fair for him to pay more since he makes more so he would pay 545 and I would pay 400 every month. Everything is included in our rent except for electric and the landlord said that electric should not really exceed 125.
With that said, my mom is not telling me no or that I'm not allowed to move out but, she grew up mennonite and her father did not allow her to move out until her and my father were married and they were financially stable enough to buy a home, my grandfather did not believe in wasting their money on renting something. So my mom has been trying to explain to me that moving out and renting a place out is a stupid plan because that is almost 1000 dollars a month that we could be saving to put towards a downpayment on a house. When, I am keeping in mind that if everything goes as planned at my boyfriend's walmart, he can make a maximum of an 80,000 bonus a year which we could just use for a downpayment on a house.
So, I understand where she is coming from but I do not believe that she understands me. I do not think that staying home for years upon years is going to teach me anything such as learning how to shop on a budget and getting bills out on time and ensuring that I keep up with cleaning my place and making sure dishes are clean and that even food is made so that my boyfriend and I can enjoy meals together. Plus, in this day and age, it is more common for couples to move out before marriage in order to ensure that the couple is compatible being together 24/7 and there is no way that I would commit to buying a home with a person that I am just "dating." Plus, my mom's best friend has a daughter that is married and her and her husband had moved out and lost all of their money and had to move back home so my mom is just nervous thats something like that would happen to me as well.
So, I guess all in all, I'm asking what your advice is. Maybe toss out some pros and cons to renting? Maybe tell me a personal story of you moving out, into an apartment and either losing money and having to go back home and regretting it or renting a place out and loving it? Anything really is appreciated, just please, like I said, do not just tell me to disregard everything my mother told me.
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In this day and age it is very common for a young couple married or not to go in either direction when it comes to housing. Not knowing where you live it is hard to give advice on which direction to go. Though judging on the rent you have shown you either do not live in the U.S. or live in a small Midwestern town as where I live a two bedroom apartment can go as high as $1,600 to $1,800.
There are times when renting is a necessity. Given your combined incomes of almost $80,000 you two are if you combined credit is good, excellent candidates for a mortgage. Lenders today will lend to unmarried couple. It is called something like borrowers in cohabitation. The sticking point in getting a mortgage will be if you have the down payment required which could be anywhere from 10 to 20 percent of the purchase price.
The down payment could be the reason why renting now and waiting for your boyfriends bonus to cover the down payment. This makes sense and your not truly throwing money away as your mother sees it. At the same time you are covering your concerns about cohabitation before investing in a major purchase such as a home.
As someone who has made his living as a salesman I will tell you the explanation to your mom is all in the presentation. Though at 22 you really do not have to explain yourself to your mom or anyone else. If you want to just tell mom basically as you have written here.
Mom I cannot see myself committing to a major purchase such as a home or marrying someone without first living with them to make sure we are compatible on a 24/7 basis and not just the few hours we date. I know this is not the way things were for you but things are different now and it is my way. BY renting for a year we are investing in our future to insure we will have a life together like you and dad have had. I want to marry for life not marry and cast him off if down the road we find we are not compatible.
As far as shopping and budgeting, those are things we all need to learn when we step out the front door of our parents house. You will do fine just like most of us have.
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