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Manager boyfriend.
My boyfriend of almost two years is a manager at a Walmart. I love him dearly, but lately his job us been creating major bumps in the road. I consistently feel disappointed in the time we spend together. He'll have a shift starting at 7 in the morning and choose to go in at 4 in the morning because it's "easier to do things when people aren't there" and then as soon as he comes home, he sleeps so we have no time together. Speaking of home, he brought up about four months ago the idea of moving in together (we both still currently live with our parents).. I said that I think it's time so i got a few apps and started looking around for apartments while he said well wait to see what my first paycheck at my new job will look like. i got my first paycheck last week and he said nothing, he hasn't been looking at places and he hadn't even started budgeting our incomes (all which he said he would). So I asked him why it seems that I care and I'm so excited for this next step and he said that he "got swept up in other things and pushed looking for an apartment aside." Other things being inventory at work where he's been working 14 hour days for the last five days. We've also fought numerous times about holidays, I'm a preschool teacher so I have weekends and all holidays off and I would appreciate spending holidays with my boyfriend and he said that since his family is in another country and he never got to spend holidays with them, that holidays aren't that important to him so I guess that means that they shouldn't be important to me either. It should be noted that he is Romanian so his entire family except for his mom, still lives there. Then I said that my family means the world to me so holidays are pretty important but lately I haven't been getting along with my dad's side and decided that I don't want to go to their holiday parties this year so with my boyfriend working and me not speaking to the one side of my family, I'll be alone for those holidays and his exact response was that he spent a lot of holidays alone so I can do it too.. Tonight he came to my house after working 7-7:40 (when his store manager specifically told the managers that none of them should stay late and he did, justifying it as he always does by telling me that if it was an hour, he could see me being upset but it was only forty minutes). I was away for the weekend and didn't see him for three days so I was excited for him to actually get out on time and when he text d me that he was leaving late, I was annoyed by that and he came over and was in the worst mood so I asked him why and he raised his voice at me that he's been working 12+ hours for the past four days and still have six more days of it to go so I should just "get off his back for it" - which he later apologized for but it still is s kick to the face. I should preface that he didn't grow up with much, he is an only child to a single mother so his manager job makes him feel accomplished and comfortable having money and not having to live paycheck to paycheck. I'm 22 and he is 24. I just don't know what to do anymore. I tell him countless times that I hate his job, that he should find another one and that him taking his work anger out on me is not fair since I'm not the one that made him take the job. Oh and let me say that he and his store manager get along very well, she interviewed to work at another store at he told me that if she gets the other job and leaves the store they're at now, then he'll get a resume together and look for another job. Like oh, his upset girlfriend isn't enough for him to find another job but his store manager potentially relocating is. I also suffer from panic attacks and lately, I've been having quite a few of varying degrees and I think that him and his job are the root cause to a lot of them. I just feel so alone and I don't know what to do. I don't know if this is normal or maybe I'm just too emotional and too caring because I don't think I see this in any of his other working friends personal relationships. Please just any advice will greatly help me out. He said he's off this coming Thursday and he's going to put a resume together but I just find it so hard to believe him and I don't think that should be present in a committed relationship of almost two years.
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You mentioned enough things that got me comparing your story to mine. After a divorce from first husband, I met the guy who'd become my 2nd husband.
We met on a dating site. Originally, his daughter kept at him to start dating as she'd soon be out of school on her own and didnt want to see him lonely or alone. He refused to do so for a couple years mainly because of his job as a delivery driver. Here I beleive there may be differing reasons behind the long hours. In husbands case, his employers worked all their driving staff long hours so yes, he'd be gone by 6 am and not home until 6 if lucky. If deliveries were heavier due to no deliveries on the weekend, or cus it was Nov-Dec and Christmas packages, he'd work until it was done so 14 hour days or more. That was insane. He was not a workaholic. YOur guy kinda sounds like one. You listed a few reason why he may be working so much and it it isn't his managers requiring him to work all the extra he is doing. I think something of his background growing up in a subconscious way is making him choose and act this way and he's on his way to becomeing a workaholic. Its an addiction. He's hooked to the hours of work for whatever he gets out of it, recognition, the money to save up, become more financially stable than it was for him growing up with a single parent. I don't know for sure, but thats what it comes across as to me.
Now on with my comparison. My guy, even tho he felt it would be unfair to meet a lady and then not have time for her, did create a dating profile. He read my profile quite a few times and never wrote, feeling jaded by the many women who already said they were such and such in character and yet they were not at all what he was looking for and certainly were not understanding. He saved a couple responses which I read and agree, they were middle aged drama queens. Finally one day he decided to write, we talked on phone cus it was Monday and talked each night til we met the following weekend. He lived 45 min from where I lived, but actually drove a route in the area I lived and worked so we met during his break on his driving route, not much time there but enough to realize we really wanted to spend more time getting to know each other. Now we were not young any more and the kids we both have are teens for the last and i had two older.
He truly did want to find himself another mate, someone to grow old with, that was his mind set. He wasn't into just having a girlfriend or social dating and moving on to the next. After meeting on the weekend and his daughter approving of me, I drove to his place after work every day cus the depot where the trucks were stored was close to where he lived and as he worked late, it made more sense for me to go see him. However it was just for the evening and since not enough hours, I took to staying overnight and that way we had a few more hours. I think he worked harder to get off even earlier. He no longer has that job, but what I hope to share is that where there is a will or desire, there is always a way. It may not be easy but if two people truly care about each other and have fallen in love it can be done.
To gain even a couple extra hours with him, I moved in with him and it did help gain us a little extra time. But it was quality time together.
In your case, I'm not sure that even living together would make what you both have together become better in quality. Living together today is something people do, even if nt serious about each other. YOur guys sounds kinda two faced. On one hand he supposedly is with you cus he likes you but love isn't just saying the words but proving it thru our actions. His willingness to move in job if the other gal leaves, shows he has no commitment to me. If commitment is what you want dear, he isn't going to magically become that. You may need to leave him, as hard as it sounds. But I dont think you may be ready to do so yet. It took me 20 yrs of abuse from the man I loved but I got strong and brave enough to find myself a better man. Good luck!
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