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I'm about to fail the same college math class 8 times in a row
Why do I constantly fail at doing things I actually want to do? How can I stop procrastinating?
And I want to be a math major! I've been to therapists and they don't help. I know suicide is not the answer, and it's not that the math is too hard but that I guess I have terrible time management. The class is actually quite easy, as I'm very used to the material, now. I always start the class well and then just blow up and can't catch up. I can't believe I do this to myself and it's just unbelievable. My feelings don't align with what I actually do and I don't know why. How do other people get through classes while partying and everything? I don't even have friends or a life and yet getting through one class feels like climbing mount everest
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this may not be the case but thought I'd throw this out in case. When people have an honest desire to do something but its like some part of them is always fighting against them, it could be simply that your conscious mind/self is at war with your subconscious mind/self. The subconscious mind is always in the background picking up on things you do every day and your plans. The subcon. is where all our emotions are stored. The problem comes when your subconscious and conscious minds are not on the same page and this happens often enough for people. More often than not, the subconscious will drag its feet so to speak and try to stop or sabotage any plans your conscious mind has made but it in itself doesn't agree with.
So that leaves you banging your head against the wall in trying to pass a math class which you likely have the skills to pass but your subconscious doesnt want to pass the class and its more likely for deeper reasons than just passing a class. As you said, its time management that is your issue. Perhaps your subconscious is of the mindset that it isn't ready to get a degree and go through the process of getting a job. Or maybe, it fears not being able to find a job once you have your completed degree and so it sabotages you at this stage, thinking its doing you a favor of saving you time that it feels would've been a waste otherwise. I know that doesnt make solid sense but I have found that my subconscious often acts much like a child, undisciplined, doing its own thing and its thinking isn't alway solid,, based more on emotions, mainly yours as a conscious being, and wanting to please you. If it senses you are frustrated from a couple of trys at the class, it probably misinterpreted that you really don't want to take and pass the class and get your degree in math so it may feel it is helping you by continually finding ways for you to miss class or assignments or be late and fall behind, actually thinking that this would please you.
I don't know if you know much about little kids, but I treat my subconscious like a little impulsive kid inside an adult body who is actually capable of doing the right thing and holding responsibility 's well, then I do pretty well if I run up against any snag.
Lets put it this way, the subconscious mind in me at least is like another whole different person in the same body. It takes the two of us to run the one life successfully. But what my subconscious hates is being hijacked in my body, forced to do what my conscious mind decides it wants to do, not given any explanation as to why it must be this way, or given a choice to voice in its ideas for other options. I remember being a kid and not liking to be dragged along by a parent, doing things I didn't want to and not given any choices.
All I can say is if therapists haven't helped, perhaps they didn't come at this from the subcon. mind angle. This is something you can do though and see if it helps. This means doing more than just having a talk with yourself ( really your subconscious) trying to explain why you need its help to be on time and become great at time management. What you may need to do to get the attention of your subconscious mind is to treat it as if it was another creature inhabiting the same body and recognizing it. Someone once asked me if my subconscious had a name. I was about to say, I haven't got an f#%&ing clue when an outraged sounded voice goes's off in my head. I do too have a name, its Helena. (not real name) and it certainly wasn't my birth name or any nicknames that applied to my conscious self. I tend to be the type who talks to myself often. Have since being a kid, all life long, so because of being on speaking terms with my subconscious, it wasn't hard to make the switch to really asking its help for the benefit of both of us. Just think of it like the two of you being business partners. You have to work closely on everything.
I would take time to talk out loud when you are alone and have privacy so no one looks at you like you are crazy. Start with, Hey I am ready to acknowledge you do exist as a part of me, separate but still inside of me. If you have a name you prefer I call you, let me know. Until then, I might just assign you a name. I am sorry I didn't realize how important it was to you and how we really need to work as a team, addressing each others concerns and working together. So when you're ready, if you have any issues with the plans to pass this class and get a degree, I want to know what they are. When you are ready, just tell me. (the idea's will pop into your mind, sounding like your own voice but coming from the sub personality.)ASk if it has any fears. Those ideas will come to mind at some time. Lets say the thought is 'I need to be an overachiever to pass that class'. You realize that isn't true. So take time to explain to your sub that the class is not set up with student who are overachievers, is actually quite easy to do the work, you just need help being consistent and that's where she comes in cus you both need to want to work on being more prompt and timely, it can't be just you, but her too. Ask for ideas on how to work on time management with her. IF you get an idea, run it past her. I'll call her Alison as that name just came to my mind. "Alison, we both need to agree on methods to become better at time management and you have to be comfortable with it too. So I am wondering how you would feel if I started setting alarms and timers on my cell to remind me when it time to be finished with dinner and moving on to homework, or if I want to party, limiting myself time wise or drink wise, or knowing how long it takes me to recover from a hangover, if too much of the day goes by wasted because of it, then at least both of us reminding each other that we can attend parties but not until we promise each other we will leave at a certain time before hand and stick to it. If one of us won't listen and stick to it, then I know we cant attend any parties until we have passed this class at least or if we continue to have problems, then until we stop procrastinating. If you and i can together stick to a good time management plan, then we only attend parties and other socializing as a reward for sticking to our time management plan. I hope you're not confused by the emotion you feel in me because of this class. It's not because I dont want to take the class or changed my mind on being a math major, it's the worry about not being able to keep to a schedule or putting off doing what needs to be done in life. Its not just this class but procrastinating will hurt us in other areas of life as well. So be honest with me, if you have a problem or concern about becoming a math major, let me know asap because i want to address those issues with you."
I would have a chat with myself that goes something like that. See if things improve, cus other than that,, I really have no idea what you could do. You can do all the motivational tricks but if your subconscious mind isn't understanding the situation or even willing to go along with the plan, it won't work.
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