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Should i stop talking to him and let him go?
Hii..!I hope someone can help me so here i am.. So i know this one guy for 8 years and this past year we became very close if nothing more then best friends... He told me many stuff that i dont think he would tell anyone, i think maybe some of them only his parent,his best friend and i know.. He is actually really shy in person but not that much around me but he is still shy while trough texts he is really open and everything we talk about lots and lots of things.. But i had to fall in love with him.. But the thing is i think he is in love with me also..Bc people around us say that he is and his best friends teases me a little bit about him.. I got used to talking to him every night and i dont want that to go.. We talk late sometimes 2 am but sometimes even 5 am... But the thing is he told me that he is moving on in capital city from my country and there girls are really open put make up in early age ,dress up very scandalous and revealing( butt and boobs in first plan) and im not like that,, So im affriad that he will totally forget about me and our firendship or some kind of relationship bc when we talk i feel like we are dating.. It came to the point that i cant go to sleep before he sends me good night.. And i dont know what to do.. Our conversation was a little off last night i think it was because he told me that he is moving but later it became normal.. but usually he sends me messsage in the morning but not today. So my point is that i dont know what to do i dont feel like i should tell him that i like him bc what if doesnt like me back and if he does would it still matter because he is moving... And also one more thing in all of this i discovered that i dont love myself at all.. I always thing the owrst things about myself and main thing that im ugly ( i mean im not really ugly i just think that there are more beautiful girls outhere then me).. It stupid for me to say this but people around me tell me that i am really good person i can give good advices and that im good friend and also that im crazy at time to time(in a good way) and im also really good student(straight A's) so thats why i also think people dont really want to meet me at first.But when tehy meet me they always say how im chill and laid back and they dont know how i got that good grades when i dont study at all... I went from one thing to another i really hope u can help me.. By the way im 16 and i know that life is in front of me and everything but i am living in this moment and its not going really good at this time.. Thank you.. :*
-J
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Hello J,
To find a best friend, one with whom you can feel free to be yourself and share all your thoughts and secrets without fear of being hurt or betrayed somehow is a wonderful thing. In fact, I believe that the most successful marriage are built on a foundation of two things, one being that the two are best of friends and that there is the romantic chemistry there.
You already have the friendship part. However, at 16, you're likely still in school and in the US one isn't considered an adult until 18, I don't know about your country. If you are old enough to be an adult and able to make your own decisions in life, I'd recommend to say something for sure about the feelings you're having towards him. As you said you don't know for sure but you do have lots of positive feedback about his happiness when with you, from others.
I know from my own life that finding those best friends or close friends in life isn't as common as easy as one would think. We are all unique as individuals and there will never be anyone exactly like him, maybe a different version, something close but not exactly the same so when you have a best friend, someone like that is to be treasured.
Now I know he's moving away so you won't have time to hang out in person, but I don't see that as any reason to stop talking. Its also possible for a girl to have male friends and later also a husband without there being any conflict for any of the males involved.
If your best friend was just a female friend (no romance) would you still consider stopping contact with her? I don't think so. I kept in touch with a girlfriend who moved to another state and married and had kids. I've only had contact by letters first and by computers later when they were created.
I think in your mind the romantic feelings you've developed are more your concern here. Everyone has their own taste in what they like from clothes to food to music to people. It is also true that people change and grow and mature from the time they are in school yet to college and even late 20s. So what we like while in our teens could truly change enough in a handful of years to make a difference.
If you were already an adult, I would say its better to let the guy know of your feelings and take the chance because if you don't, you'd wonder for the rest of your life of the what ifs in case he did feel something too and want to explore dating more and plans to marry possibly.
But at 16 and I assume he's close to the same age if a couple years older, and with life circumstances such as his moving, aren't such that you can explore that avenue of dating a while to see where it goes romantically. In a couple of years though, once you are an adult, it's 18 in the US, it's a different story and you could choose to go to college near where he is and date and see how it goes or if you have the means to make such a move yourself, get a job in his city and your own place to live and date him to see where it leads.
I am not saying that you can't tell him how you feel but there is a way to do so without scaring him away as a friend if he doesnt feel the same at all, or not yet but may later. Instead of saying I am in love or I love you or I have feelings for you....all which are stated as being a solid fact right this minute, state it as something that is just starting to happen...a weird thought psychologically for those who hear it, making it more acceptable, as something young, not yet fully formed that can be nipped in the bud and stopped right now so to speak and that makes a person feel more comfortable to be honest and let you know they don't have those kinds of feelings or only see you as a friend. SO you let him know, if you want to say something, that you are beginning to have stronger feelings for him than just friendship feelings...and that way he can encourage them by letting you know he feels the same or tell you the opposite. The disappointment from finding its not the same is a one time occurance that will take time to get over. But the always wondering your entire life if things could have been different if you had the bravery to say something is a turmoil and wondering ache in your heart for the rest of your life. Its up to you, but I'd rather go for the hurt that lasts for a season rather than a life time of wondering and longing for something that may never have been possible in the first place.
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As for how you see yourself, some females have lesser or greater self image. Media's version of beauty has conditioned all of us, even if we say we don't buy into it, that one kind of look is prettier than another. Again, a persons self preferance comes in. Some guys are drawn to the model types, but others prefer the girl next door type, or don't mind a female who is more tomboyish, more of the outdoor hiking and fishing buddy plus his lover. Body shape and style varies differing on the person. I know all this and I still get days when the thought comes to me briefly that I don't feel pretty enough although I know its not true and counteract that negative thought with all I know to be true, the compliments from my husband and the admiring glances and smiles from men I don't know, just in public. I don't turn every head, but I still do turn a few. So this means for one guy, you won't be pretty enough in his eyes, and yet for another, he'll wonder why he is so lucky to deserve such a beautiful Goddess.
I hope I've been able to help you dear.
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