|
keep or ditch
i have been with my boyfriend for some time now and things seem to have gone 1 sided now that i have got myself a job i enjoy. this isn't the issue it will get resolved when he gets used to me working again.
the issue is i now have his brother asking me to meet him at college while he has some free time and asking me if he can come to my house for a bit or to my parents house if its free because he will get board.
its now starting to make things complicated for me wanting to see my boyfriend as they live together with the rest of siblings and parents.
i do not know how i can go about this without cause a massive family dispute or should i leave the relationship to seek happiness elsewhere?
I can not go to my friends or family about this as they do not like my boyfriend. some guidance would be really appreciated.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Being bored and wanting to just come hang out at your place once in a while is one thing. But his brother wanting to meet you at his college during his free time is another. Its okay to have friendship bonds with family of ones boyfriend and especially so if married. But I am suspicious, not knowing anything more than what you've written. And my first thoughts are that boyfriends brother may have ulterior motives, no matter his age, just wanting to be around you as much as possible cus he worships you, or despite the fact that you are his brothers girlfriend, has also developed feelings for you and being with you or near you as much as possible helps him feel good or better, even tho he may not want to come out and confirm how he feels.
So if I got this right and his brother does have feelings developing for you, that kind of friction between the brothers, not to mention what suspicion your boyfriend might create in his mind, could be enough to kill the relationship if you don't take care right away to bring it out in the open by letting your boyfriend know his brother isn't doing anything really wrong but its enough to make you wonder if he's crazy about you. Use your womans intuition...if you get those ooky feelings at times when the brother is with you, there's a chance there's more to it than a brother feeling you're a friend.
Am I to assume you live with yours? You didn't say. Depending on your age, if you have your own apartment, then you have the right to refuse to have his brother come over and of course you can tell him its not appropriate for you to hang out with him so much, like meeting at school since you are his brothers girlfriend, not his.
But I am more inclined to believe you also live with your parents and that being reason why you told us that your family doesn't approve of him. It seems you don't have much choice but to visit him at his parents or find places to go and hang out together, a diner, the movies, at the park, etc.
I don't know the situation dear whether the family are just biased people and your boyfriend is a jewel of a person and if the best thing for you is to ignore their feelings, OR
whether due to being in love and seeing through rose colored glasses, you are not able to see the things they see in him, the problems/issues they truly see, are not made up in their heads, that they feel you are settling for less than the best, etc. If you are an adult, you have to make the best decision that you know how at the time being, and decide for yourself whether you are settling for less, or worse, like I was at 20 when I married and discovered my husband was not the Godly church going man I thought but was abusive to me, I made excuses up for him in my mind and to other people. My family were fooled at first too but after a year of marriage, there was enough issues they'd witnessed that family told me to leave him. I didn't. It took me a life time to really learn some things so that I became capable of leaving him and finding a wonderful man the second time a round. When it became apparent there really was a problem with him, I still stayed out of loyalty, out of refusal to have to admit I made a mistake in judgement of character. This is easy to do when we don;t have enough life experience to see the warning signs. Looking back, I now know the signs were there. And you did say things were one sided but that wasn't the issue. Okay, maybe you know that is so, but I wonder why you subconsciously needed to write that down if you werent really sure yourself, just hopeful.
I have a little extra advice just in case, beyond the issue you wanted help on: of only being able to see boyfriend at his parents and unwanted siblings hanging around. You don't throw a real good relationship away just because circumstance surrounding the relationship get tough. So the decision to keep or ditch the boyfriend should be made entirely on his character, who he is at core and how he treats you consistantly, close to 100% of the time.
]
More Questions: |