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How to get over selfishness / jealousy.
I'm 21, female and I've been dating my 23 year old boyfriend for about 10 months now. Everything is great, I love him a lot and he loves me just as much. However, lately, I think I've realized that I am a really selfish and jealous person. But it only seems to be in regards to him. I try to really not let it show because I know it is irrational but sometimes I can't help it and I want to know how I can stop this. Sometimes, it really puts me in a mood and I don't want my bad habits ruin the good thing that he and I have.
For example, in January, my boyfriend left for a month long road trip with his best guy friend. This whole thing was planned since long before we started dating so although it was terrible to have him go for that long, I couldn't be mad since he planned it so long ago, before he even knew there would be an us. Yet, I still couldn't help but get jealous every time he texted me the great things he was doing and wished that he was doing them with me.
Another example, he just got hired into a salaried managerial position where he works. He has to go through a two week training for this, work as a manager for five weeks and then return to training for two weeks. It's normal for the people that go through this training to stay at the hotel that the place of work sets them up in. However, the training was only an hour away from our hometown so my boyfriend decided that he wanted to commute - largely in part to not wanting to leave me again. He decided after the second day that it was too much to drive there everyday and go through training and then go home. I got upset that he wanted to leave again and got upset thinking that I would not be able to see him for two weeks (and then two more weeks when he has to go back), he told me it isn't a vacation for him, not being able to see me for long periods of time and we got over him having to go away again. However, after he talked up how his training was not going to be fun and it was going to be ever so boring and dreadful, he texted me last night that he and the other managers were bowling at D&B and then they were going to the bar. I guess I felt kind of jealous again that he was out having so much fun when he told me all about how much it's going to suck especially because we are going to be apart but there he was having so much fun.
I know, I probably sound like the worst person ever and you're probably wondering how he was ever able to deal with me for ten months. I really want to quit thinking about myself so much, it's just hard when you think about the fact that we've been together for almost ten months and with his first trip, two total weeks of training and then five weeks in store, we've only actually been in each other's presence for seven of our ten months together. I guess I just want to be the one that he is having the time of his life with and making memories with but I guess I have to be able to learn to not be with him and let him do his own thing when he needs to.
Any help is appreciated, anybody that went through the same thing in their relationship or something. Thanks!
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