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Please, I need advice on how to change myself!
I have been together with my boyfriend of long distance for over a year now. I have no clue in the world why I have stayed with him so long since he has been the reason for my constant anxiety, low self-esteem and being depressed. It's not like he intentionally makes me feel these emotions and feelings; it's just I finally realized we're not compatible. For one, my dream that I have always held close to my heart since I was the littlest thing was building a house on my mother's land in the small town I grew up in. If I stay with my boyfriend, that would never be an option. I would HAVE to live in the BIG city or at least in a suburb for his gaming career. I can't do that for I would be severely unhappy for the rest of my life and he doesn't seem to understand it at all. I don't want to give up my life-long dream just because he wants to live in the city. It's not fair for me. I want to care for his dreams, and in all honesty I do. I truly do, but I can't leave this town. He's also always nagging me about getting a job, which he doesn't understand how hard it is with me having anxiety and how low jobs are around where I live. I tell him I look for jobs every day. I even signed up for "job training for the disabled" (anxiety is my disability; it's so horrifying!)
Well, my parents have been breaking their backs for months trying to get me to break up with him. And I've finally realized how badly I am with him and I think it's time to actually break up with him for good. But I want to change first. I'm always so depressed and anxious because of the things he does and I just don't feel beautiful and I don't feel good enough because of the way he acts. I want to be finally confident, positive about everything, happy, sweet, enthusiastic and just an overall different, better person.
How should I start and continue on my journey to change?
I'm changing my appearance to which I've already figured out because I don't want to remind myself at all of who I once was. I want to be confident enough to end it with him and hopefully just never speak to him again because of all the anxiety that is included in every conversation we have.
This isn't an emotionally abusive relationship in any way. He's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. It's just he doesn't make me happy at all.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Look, if you want to change yourself, you need to let him go first. Do not completely change yourself to the point where you lose sight to who you really are. Stay true to yourself. I think that you are not in a place right now to be in a relationship and you need to take time for yourself and find out what you want to do with your life without any distractions.
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