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new year new me right....?!
so i have this recent crush which i know we will never be together since we are like 10 years apart and living in different cities... ive often dream of him but i try not to think of him during the day although 90% of the time everything that i do will make me relate to him...
so since its 2016 new year, are there any ways to forget this crush?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First I want to explain what is happening to you this crushing you mention. If you can understand the process and hows and whys of it happening, that may help in you being able to stop focusing on him so much. I do explain in details the steps to a relationship and if you want the whole document, let me know and I'll send it to you. But here is the portion that explains crushing.
Crushing: First is the attraction level, then the conversation level. Crushing is not a step to a relationship but a condition that occurs at either level. It occurs whether both are unknown to each other or friends. More often than not, one persons thoughts are constantly focused, obsessing on this other person, to the point of needing to use their mind and imagination to play little scenes in their head of what it would be like to date this person or be loved by him/her. It has little based in reality, especially if the two have never spoken to each other and the one crushing has not tried to start at least a friendship. If already a friend, then they have not let their friend know they are starting to have stronger feelings for them than just friendship feelings. Its important to state it this way so as to not freak out and scare off your friend. Try not to spend any time stuck here as it serves no purpose.
Meeting someone online who becomes your LDR or LDC long distance crush, is the second problem. Its already bad enough to crush on someone within arms reach whom you can visually observe to some extent but that imagining and fantasizing one does when crushing is even worse when its long distance. All you have is what they chose to type to you and if lucky, their face and voice on Skype. There is even less you can truly know and trust about a person on line. There are adults mostly who play in Second Life, a second on line world with an avatar you create and can experience anything one can do in the real world, on line in SL. Many choose a persona to present that is totally unlike who they really are in life. You know, like the person wearing a clown suit getting paid to wave ad signs at passing cars. And since no one really know who they are, they feel free to have some fun and act crazy in public by jumping up and down, dancing a jig, waving and shouting at you, etc... People aren't often perfectly at peace with who they really are and so even on line in an ldr, will present themselves the way they wish they were but are for some reason unable or unwilling to change. I met guys online, only talked 2 weeks in a dating site before meeting in real life. Who they portrayed themselves to be most often ended up totally different than when I met them in person as I said in about 1 to 2 weeks time. I used the net only as a tool to come to know of someones existance and within my locality so it was easy to travel to see them often, no more than an hours drive away was my choice.
Now I move on to explain how your subconscious mind works. Its like having a totally separate person inside you. This is where all your emotions live, like when watching a sad movie you know is just a fake story but your sub seeing this gets caught up in the emotions and so you cry. The sub is also at times like our inner child and so doesnt always have the same concept of the adult world as our conscious or awake mind does. Another thing the subconscious mind does, is in wanting to please you, it assumes that the things you focus on most often are what is best for you, or something you want. Its a bad deal if you tend to focus thoughts on scary things like fearing you might get attacked or raped. Whatever you focus on most, the sub mind will try its best to make it happen believing this will make you happy and it does this by feeding ideas to your conscious mind, things to do or say that place you in a position where you feel you are most likely to see that which you dread or crush on, come true. However life doesnt always work that way. Sometimes it does work but more often not so you are left with a vicious cycle of basically desireing to have a boyfriend and feel loved by someone and when you think you see some traits you like in a guy, your subcon. mind sees this and thinks, Aha...heres a likely prospect for the role of boyfriend and begins to feed your conscious mind constant thoughts about him in every area of your life with imagined feelings that grow stronger. And yet, you dont even know if this particular person could ever in reality be a slim possibility for a relationship. They may not have romantic feelings at all for you. Or lke my ex I married at 20, he was outgoing, socially fun and gregarious and caring and polite, but behind closed doors, he had a mental illness just starting and he verbally abused me as long as I decided to stay with him. there where warning signs but until you have dated several people and obtained some street smarts from experience to be able to spot the sometimes not so obvious bad signs, when we are young we are often fooled into seeing what we want at the surface level and thinking it couldn't possibly be any worse deep at core in that person. Those are easy to hide on line but not so much in person.
So after all this, your only weapon is to work with your subconscious mind to stop sending you thoughts of this guy. Each time such a thought comes to you, grab that thought and tell yourself (which is actually talking to your subcon. mind) remember, I said I no longer want to think and crush on him. There is so little likelihood of us even being able to meet let alone have the in person chemistry and attraction to make this work so I will not go looking here for a boyfriend. Someone is person is a better idea. So stop sending thoughts of him.
A minute later, an same thought comes to mind. Again say, I told you to stop focusing on him. I realize there is no reality to this. So stop.
Again in another couple minutes a thought may come so that by the end of the day it will seem you told your sub a million times to stop sending these thoughts. Its not easy at first. Do it every day. In a couple of days, you will notice you don't have to tell yourself to stop doing this as it wont be happening every couple minutes. Eventually it becomes once an hour to once a day to once a week to once a month until you no longer think of him at all.
I do want to stress that your seeing something you like in him, some trait or characteristic is actually very normal. It is part of what each female should be doing when looking for guys to date with the ultimate goal of someday finding one she can live with long term or marry. So it is actually wise to make a list of the things you like that you see in a guy. He may not be available but mark down those traits to find the same in another guy. You will also experience things you don't like about a guy. Make sure it is a trait of his and not something you need to change in your life such as being easily irritated, holding grudges, too demanding, not trusting, a drama queen, etc... no man will ever look good to a female with these kinds of personal issues. With each real relationship, dont settle for the same or less but always go for a step better in a guy and if a period of time comes when you haven't found the next one yet, then remain single until the right one comes along. If you have any more questions, just write to me, or if what I wrote was too confusing.
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