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what should i say?
what should i say to him and how? how can i do this without sounding dramatic or wanting some form of commitment?
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I have no way of knowing if I've written to you before and this is a 2nd question on a topic. By itself, doesnt give me much to go on. I can only handle this as a first time question and theres info missing. I don't know if this is a long time friend you grew up with, or a classmate you see but aren't friends with and havent spoken to before, or if this is some person you come across out in public on a consistant basis. In these days, I can't assume everyone is hetero-sexual. So I don't know if you're female or male or age neither.
So, knowing very little, I am going to guess female who wants a guy to pay her attention, one who is not giving any good signs of interest to her. Best thing is not to blurt out first sentence of wanting to go out. Start the convo with something else and then say something, like, btw, i've been thinking about something else I want to talk to you about.
Then ask him out. Yes, very directly! That won't make you sound desperate, dramatic. If you say nothing about commitment but deep inside want commitment so badly you barely can stand it, then he'll pick up the vibes, no matter how you act or what you say and if he's commitment wary, he
will back away. What makes a female sound desperate? Going back and asking him again and again or paying special attention to him to win him over. When you ask, let him know, you're asking only this one time. If he doesn't respond favorably, then you will back away and not approach him any more in any manner that doesnt have to do with school or work or whatever situation in which you see the person.
My own husband whom I met online after a divorce, wrote me and at the end said if I wasn't interested, I didn't even have to answer and say so, cus if I dont respond, he will dissappear into the background and become as if he never wrote. In other words, he wouldn't constantly be checking back with me for an answer or trying to convince me to say yes. That smacks of personal self confidence.
What would make a female look dramatic? Her tone of voice or actions that involve petty emotions to make him change his mind, or regret his choice. That might include pouting at him, giving angry looks when you see him, pretending he's not there when he's right in front of you, letting a whine come into your voice, making your voice sound shaky like yourre gonna cry, or actually giving a show of tears, or yelling at, or using a sharp tone with. This is all dramatics and will turn a guy off fast or make him even gladder with his decision, confirming it was a good idea to avoid getting involved with you. Guys dont like drama queens, and they dont like desperate. They are very attracted to self confident women. The kind who let them know of initial interest and then never say another word cus if they don't respond, she goes after another guy and forgets about the other, no matter how cute he is. That speaks to him, "Hey you're not a scare commodity. I gave you first chance but I know theres other fish in the sea, and I know I am attractive and desireable as a woman as a person and with some work, I can find someone just as good or maybe even better.
Not making this up. I've talked to enough male friends and thats exactly what they said they'd think. If she has that confidence, it makes them intrigued to spend more time with the female if they are hoping to find a life mate. Guys who just want sex often don't care if the female has self confidence and go for the bimbos and get what they were looking for, just the sex but no commitment. Guy's who are looking for commitment, don't waste any time about it. If he see's you often when starting to hang out, 2, 3 times a week minimum, and you spend lots of time talking and doing other things besides sex so he gets a chance to know your character and personality, then he can come to a conclusion pretty quick. I know one of our male advice givers shared that about himself once or twice. My husband was the same, after two weeks of spending hours on phone and in person, half and half in balance, he knew he wanted to marry me. More about commitment that you can understand from a guys perspective with this little analogy. "You see some interesting outfits on display in a store and are tempted to go in to further check if the rest of what they have in stock is just as cute. You check for sizes, the style the cost but you may not be ready to buy an outfit (the commitment to purchase) yet the moment the salesclerk sees you, she or he is hanging around you constantly asking if they can show you something else, ask what you're looking for, spout off why they think the piece you're holding is so special or comment how an item would look good on you. If you're just looking and didn't come in with intent and a need for a particular item, you're going to see this as unwelcome pressure for a sale (or call it commitment to buy) You don't like it. I don't know any female who does. Well, men don't like women who early on mention they are wanting a commitment from him. But after 2 months, he should have a good idea, if you meet often whether he wants to become more serious and actually make the commitment to be your boyfriend. This means committing just to you. A guy can sometimes tell after just a couple times hanging out, or dates, that he isn't as interested in her personality as he thought up front. A package can look appealing but its whats on the inside that makes a woman remain appealing to the guy, even as she ages. We don't have our beauty when we age. So two older seniors who still are in love, are so not because they look hot but because they are in love with who their partner is on the inside. So if a guy doesnt mention anything to you ever as he's seeing you about what he likes about you, or talking in terms of the future, then he was just looking for a friend with benefits, not a mate. And you would need to decide if you'll settle for the FWB situation or let him go and move on. But you must explain why you are moving on. No one can read your mind so let him have the benefits of knowing why you say or do something. People dont tend to ask questions or ask for explanation or clarification so you will need to volunteer the info up front until a guy gets to know you better.
This is about all I can think of to say without knowing more. Hope it helps
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