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This guy
19/f
I've asked you questions about online dating before..
Well this guy I worked with, I had a small crush on him. He's the same age as me. He quit and now works somewhere else so I don't see him anymore.
Although we are friends on Facebook and we've talked a little bit on there. A few times he joked around saying that I'll miss him and I'm like, "Yeaahh sure" And he's like, "You don't have to lie if you want to hang out"
Anyways, our conversations usually end and get boring after a little while.
So I was on the dating site and he came across on mine haha and yeah it was really weird and a little awkward because I clicked, "Yes" or whatever on him. Then it notifies him and then he clicked it back so he messaged me saying, "Quick liking me nerd"
Anyways, we talked a little on there awhile ago just talking about the experiences so far on the site. Conversation ended up dying.
He messaged me today. So I feel like maybe he's interested in me at least a little bit. I'm shy I guess and I don't want to be the one to ask him to go out. I want to somehow get it across for him to ask me.
I know most people will say just go for it. In the end, if nothing else works, I'll try.
So do you have any advice to keep conversations going? And anyway to get him to ask me to hang out one of these days?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well it may sound kinda obvious but if talking during the week about the upcoming weekend you could say, It's supposed to be really nice this weekend. But I dont have any plans at all to take advantage of it. I think I'll just end up stuck at home cus I don't have any plans or anyone to hang out with. How about you, what are your plans this weekend?" This little speech tells him you are available and you are giving him a chance to pick up on that and invite you to do something with him or if he is truly busy, he will probably tell you what is on his schedule.
If your conversations end too quickly on line, thats one thing...some people dont do as well conversing on line as they do face to face. But if you have the same problem in person you might want to look closer at that. It may be simply something to do with your being shy, an introvert. But it also may hint at a possibility that the two of you have little in common and some but not enough chemistry.
I did the dating roun like attending a friends weddingsds before meeting 2nd husband on dating site. I met many guys for coffee who were able to type a message to me but when we met in person which to me is what counts, the guy wouldn't talk at all. I'd ask a question, he shrugged, or nodded yes or no or gave a one two or three word answer. He didn't start any topic. I was the only one talking. Then there were others where we each shared a little about ourselves and what our hobbies are, and what things catch our interest, etc... and once that was done, there were no current day topics that we could talk about, the conversation died.
I will say it is good if two people can find they feel comfortable with just being together, the silence of no conversation not feeling awkward...but if it feels as uncomfortable as nothing to talk about or what you talk about is boring, you may just be with the wrong person for you. Keep that in mind but dont go jumping to conclusions...give it some time and see how it goes. If nothing improves, it may be either you needing to gain more skills in relating to people or he is the wrong guy, no matter that you see a couple things you like about him. Better to look for those qualities you like in a guy you can converse with, feel comfortable sharing all sorts of things with, because that helps to build trust in a relationship over time with being able to share your deepest thoughts and feelings and feel safe and understood and supported and upheld.
With someone I've just met, I'll ask questions as to what things he likes, his interests, hobbies, etc. Then ask questions that will help reveal a bit about him emotionally: what makes him happy, what he doesn't like, does he have a greatest fear? Does he ever get angry and what does he get angry about. When you ask questions and are truly listening to what he says...listen for a phrase or key words that bring a memory or experience of your own whether related or not to his story and share that immediately as he finishes answering.
This is what makes the most natural conversation.
Example: He says When I was a kid, being an only child I guess I got more attention than I felt comfortable with. But what really bothered me is mom buying all these 'cute' boy outfits and having her friends over and presenting me to them in these outfits, changing me and showing off the next, I hated the stares and the comments and it made me feel uncomfortable. She made most those outfits for me herself so I understand why she felt proud of them but she wasn't considering my feelings. You respond with a comment to what he said and then say, "The part about your mom making those outfits reminds me of a story. When I was young whether regular dolls or barbies, mom prided herself with making all my doll clothes instead of buying them. What ticked me off is that when I asked her to make specific outfits like a nurses uniform or a witches costume for my doll, she never listened to my wishes. So finally to get back at her, I didn't put any clothes on my dolls, left them nude and just imagined the clothes I wanted on them and that bugged the heck out of her. He'll probably comment on something you said that reminds him of a story too or if he falls silent, ask the next question. Since he mentioned something about childhood, ask how childhood was for him, what his parents were like. It's a good thing to know if his dad was verbally abusive, the parents too busy working to ever give him attention so he felt neglected, etc...I hope you get the idea.
I gave detail in a imaginary conversation so you could see how I grasp at something a person shared to give me a story to share that fits in to the conversation. If in response to what he shared you said, that reminds me of my first day of school and how much i enjoyed making friends...it doesnt relate to anything he said. If instead of clothes, you pick up on feeling uncomfortable in a situation, then you could say, 'I know how it feels to be uncomfortable like that. My first day in kindergarten was a shock to me cus mom never told me what was going to happen, just walked with me to the school, we walked into this building and then into a room with other moms and lots of kids my age in it and then all of a sudden she said she was leaving and would come back later. I had no siblings, never played with a neighbor kid being on a busy street, and besides terrified was uncomfortable not knowing how to act with the other kids."
(that part is my true story of 1st day in school) but you see how to pick up on something said and use it for next thing you say.
If this doesnt help you, perhaps let me know what it is you have the most trouble with like sharing things about yourself, like not thinking its interesting enough or whatever.
Good luck dear.
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