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My love life
Hello Mam. I am from India 22/f. Before few months ago you give me your valuable advice. I repeat my story in short..(i have a boyfriend.we are in relation since 2011.everything was nice,but i committed a sin by telling a series of lie about my past. I had a relation when i am just 13years old.my ex is an animal.he tortured me mentally and physically and also sexually.so i ended with him.then i meet my present bf.he proposed me and i said yes.but cannot tell my past.because i feel shy and ashamed.i don't even recall those bad incidents of my life.so i hided it from my bf.we had sex 2times.then he came to know my past by some source.he asked me and i tell him everything.but he can't accept.because he thinks that i am loose my virginity with my ex.so i am a worthless woman.he told me well bad words,verbally abused me.i suffer with this nearabout 10months.i understand that he feel betrayed,but i really love him.wanna stay with him.but he can't accept me.everyday he questioned about my past,used bad languages.we live in different city,and 1 unknown person call him and told him bad things about my past and character.my bf now think that he become dirty for doing sex with a non virgin girl.he thinks that i used him to do sex. I can't understand what to do.sometime i thought that suicide is the only way to sort out this problem.i know i was wrong to tell lie.but don't i deserve a second chance from him?i love him.never do anything to hurt him.he is an orthodox person(35yrs age).i change myself,my dressup,my livlihood for him.but he never appreciate that.his only problem is that i had a sexual past!so he can't accept me.plz suggest me.what to do.
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
I won't say it's wrong to hide some things. Honesty is always best if asked a question. However you are not required to reveal anything and offer information that wasn't asked of you.
However when it comes to choosing a mate for marriage, the better thing to do is bring up a conversation on important topics that you now realize are better dealt with finding out about before hand rather than after. If there is a next time for you relationship wise try asking the man what he believes the role of a woman is. Can she dress any way she wants, hold any job she wishes and work outside the home, is it okay if she's been in a sexual relationship before. Find out what his ideas are. Then tell him what yours are. And if yours are different, tell him its not going to work to marry him and wish him well and move on to date someone else.
If he says he wants you to change for him, DON'T. You already know that doesn't work, you'll be very unhappy not being able to be yourself.
If he say's he is okay with your views and he has no problem with you
being different and promises he will allow you to do as you wish when just moments before he stated his views on women and they were different, he is lying to you and himself and taking himself out of integrity. He can't be trusted. End result with him will be that since he's a man and considers himself the leader of the household, he has the right to change the rules or what he says is permissible the same way he changes clothing....daily...or as often as he wishes.
So make a list of things that are important to you and ask the guy first what his beliefs are on any of these issues. Dont reveal yours first. These are very important points to go over before agreeing to marry. Marrying someone who is not matching in beliefs, ideals, what one likes sexually, goals, hopes dreams etc... is no different than you walking up to a random stranger on the street and pledging to marry him. Can't see yourself doing that? Well, you just did with the current husband. You may have gotten to known some surface level things like his name, phone number, birthday and where he lived before you married but you did not have a good grasp on information on him that goes deeper, the kind of stuff important in marriage. I don't know if India has the saying "a grab bag" but in the U.S. a grab bag is a bag filled with unknown items that is offered for sale. All you will know is how heavy it is, what the bag looks like and how much money it costs. When you open it, you may find that you did not need nor want any of the items in there. So its a waste of your time and money. People are sometimes coaxed into getting a grab bag because they like being surprised. When making such an important life decision...surprises are never nice.
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