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Was it my fault?
This summer my ex came around to help with hay bailing and we started this no strings attached. And I honestly thought that was what he wanted. Then for Fourth of July I had plans to meet another guy there but my parents invited my ex along and he knew I was suppose to go with the other guy. Well I blew the other guy off for him and told him I had to go see my friend Brooke who had probs with her mom. Which she did and my ex drove me there then everything was fine and then we left to go home and that's when I knew something was wrong with him. Then he finally stopped the car and told me finally that he didnt want to see with me with another guy tht he didn't want to lose me to him even though I was just using him. I was in complete shock I had no idea he felt that that way and most of all that he would admit to any of that. When we got back we talked all night and he ended up staying. Then the next day he said he was going to ask my dad if he could ask me out. Well he did and I told the other guy about it so we didnt have any probs. then I ask him when he is going to ask me out and then he said not til after the fair that way if he hooked up with another girl it wouldn't be cheating. Well that pissed me off well fair came and he was looking for me and I tried to find him but it wasn't til late and a friend of mine told him I was hanging with another guy but I wasn't so after we finally find each other and we hang out for a while we go to talk to this group of people he goes off with one guy and two other girls and I'm just standing there. Then a guy ik comes up and we start talking then ex sees me and comes over and puts his arm around me.
After the fair he ignores me won't even reply. Then I move on my birthday comes up 2 months later and I get asked out and the same friend that told him that I was hanging with another guy invites him and pts on this whole thing to make him stay and I didn't even want to be near him. Finally he leaves after my friends get me away from him and I brake down he sees me upset and leaves. The look on his face and the way is arm just dropped told me it hurt him more than it hurt me. A week later after constantly fighting about the whole thing. He calls me and I can hear him holding back but he tells me he was sorry about everything and then tells me all the ways he messed up and finally says stay with the other guy.
I broke up with the other guy and I went to a party where I danced with another guy a lot and hanged out with him cause my friend was off doing something else. He showed up and saw me with him and I noticed him drink more and more as he looked each time. Then a week later I went to a barnwarming with a friend of mine and again he was there didn't expect him to talk to me and I went to try find her back and he grabs me and pulls me into dance. Two weeks later he calls and ask to meet me at the barn on my farm. Where we talk and kissed. The next night he calls and ask me to come hang with his friends. I land in the ditch trying to find the place he drives me home and he couldn't have been more protective that night. His friends joked about how worried he got when I called him and he asked if I was okay more then I could remember and stayed with me cause I had hit my head pretty hard. Then we talked and hanged out for another week til he broke it off again.
I always blamed him for the way things ended up but I don't know if it where my fault or if I should have done something different.
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Doesn't sound to me like you're doing anything wrong. He is giving mixed signals, like He's happy just being friends but when he sees another guy near you or even hears theres a guy who might be interested in you, he all of a sudden acts as if you and he are in a committed relationship and he's afraid of losing you. This could go three ways, a fear of losing a girl whether to someone else or accident of whatever...could mean that the person is in love with that girl.
Fear of losing you, could be because of lack of self confidence in being able to find someone else himself.
He could be trying to keep a hold on you and keep you from getting attached to another guy and therefore available for him. This would be to give himself time to get over a fear of commitment. Once, he's no longer afraid, if he gets to that point, then he won't have to start hunting for a girl cus he's made sure to keep you hanging on the side lines.
It could mean he doesn't feel strength of
character in himself and he leans on you for his emotional support, generally a needy person who may realise you are not what he likes in a girlfriend and so keeps breaking it off again and again but due to him lacking inner strength, he ends up coming back to you.
Fear of losing you may not be a fear but a controlling, manipulating tactic, just because.
Its up to you whether you keep giving him chances to come back or whether you are determined to leave him in your past and move on. If so, You'll have to be strong to not fall for his sad puppy dog eyes and move on to find someone better. Don't let feelings of guilt for him keep you stuck on a merry go round with him that is not so merry.
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