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Problem with three guys, help?
Hey everybody, so I'm a girl (obviously) and I'm having a problem with three guys at my school. The problem is, they all like me. The names I'm going to give are Daniel, Matt, and Adam. So, I met Daniel on a school trip. I started to like him.... And he admitted afterwards that he likes me a lot too. So I told him how I felt as well, and now we're really close. I can't date until I'm 16, so we aren't dating, but we're just really close friends. Daniel has a friend, Matt. This guy, the first week I moved into my school, texted me and we started to talk. We never talked in real life or anything... but we texted a lot. Then, I told Daniel this, to see if he knew anything about it, and Daniel was like "yeah i did know, i wanted to see if you would tell me". So Matt is really cute too. If i didn't like Daniel a lot, I probably would like Matt. Daniel admitted to me that he's a little jealous of the competition and is worried I will stop liking him and turn to Matt instead. I know that won't happen. Anyways, I heard from my best friend in her Spanish class from Adam that Matt has been telling people that I don't like Daniel. Of course, I asked Daniel if he heard anything about it, and he said no. I clarified to him that it's not true. Basically, Matt has been telling people this because he likes me as well apparently. Daniel even asked him if he liked me, and Matt admitted that he used to when I first moved here, but he doesn't as much anymore, but he still does. So Matt and Daniel are best friends and they both have a crush on me. Which causes a lot of problems of course. Back to Adam. I met Adam on that same school trip I met Daniel on. Adam is super funny, and he admitted to liking me on that trip as well, but to my friend instead of me. Of course, my friend told me, and me and Adam still talk kinda. My best friend told me that in her Spanish class, Adam had asked her if it was true that i didn't like Daniel and she told him the truth of course, but he still doubts it because Matt told him something else. Anyways, that same class, Adam asked my friend what I thought of him. Another class, my friend overheard Adam and his friends talking about how he is jealous of Daniel for me liking him on that trip.
Basically, I'm asking these questions for this situation:
1) What should I do about Matt and Adam? I like them (not like that), but I just want to be friends.
2) Should I become better friends with Matt and his friends, that way it won't be awkward when I'm around them?
3) I kinda like the attention... so even if I dont get a decent answer, I wouldn't mind just leaving it. What do you think?
Thanks for everything guys. I'd really appreciate an answer, and thanks for reading through this long thing haha :)
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Are all of these guys aware that you can not date until you are 16, parents rules. As far as you know, there is no limit on how many friends a person can have whether the opposite sex or the same sex, so right now, there is no competition, because you can have more than one friend.
I wouldn't say anything yet about not feeling anything other than friendship towards Matt and Adam because you dont know for sure what will happen between now and the time you can start dating. You may find during this friendship time that although you are attracted visually to Daniel, some characteristics of his come up and you don't like some of the ways he thinks is normal to treat you and he wont stop if asked...this happens in dating in the beginning when teens dont know much yet about what they want and how to be a good dating partner. Maybe he is really great and you'll be telling Matt and Adam that after all this time, no spark or romantic chemistry has come up on your side so you won't be considering either of them as a dating partner. Or you may develop a slow interest romantically in one of them as you lose interest in Daniel.
What to look for right now in the friendship stage, who treats you the most as a very close friend, their caring is unconditional, always there for you, great at cheering you up when sad, conversation is easy and just flows, you're more relaxed and able to be yourself with the person, they encourage you to follow your talents, hobbies, hopes and dreams. They help build up your belief in yourself, etc...
You may enjoy hanging out with all 3, and getting all that attention is fun, I've had it before too. But when things get tough, who is there comforting you or believing in who. Who is secure enough in himself that he doesn't have to play down or point out faults in the others. This is a very important stage to get right and you have many years yet to perfect finding the best male friend ever cus in a marriage, thats one of the important bases to a healthy relationship, and the other is having romance, attraction that spark or chemistry with them. For some its felt instant in the beginning and for others it develops slowly over time. So if your best male friend and that one you are visually attracted to arent one and the same, perhaps neither is right for you. Or the best friend may have the potential yet to become your sweetheart. Be careful not to friend zone only somone who may be the better choice at a future date.
Just from what you say others have said they observed Matt saying/ doing, there may be a need to watch Matt a bit more closely. What they said, may be interpreted wrong or recommunicated wrong, but if you can catch him at it, then you have proof of him trying to make Daniel look bad or that you don't like him. I don't see what he hopes to get out of saying something to others for whom it isn't their business who you should be interested in or not or who to date someday.
If theres any truth to it, then here's a little lesson in how to pick up some subtle things about a persons character flaws, that may be a good reason to avoid dating him or even associating with him as a friend. If true, behavior like this could point to him being a sore loser, someone who must win at everything or become upset and angry, very competitive, or may simply point out he isn't comfortable with himself, a low self image, unable to be happy for his friend Daniel, trying to mess things up in Daniels love life just so you become single and available again. Such a person could stoop very low, saying lies that Daniel is seeing other girls on the side etc... All these are guesses...no truth in them but just potential things that may come up and for you to be on the alert looking for a repeating pattern of any of it...solid proof, not hear say from others.
I kinda like how this Daniel knew that you and Matt texted but he waited patiently to see if you would share that information rather than try to drag it out of you. Looks like he tends to give a person a chance to prove themself, is patient, understanding, and so far doesnt seem to feel his masculinity rattled so badly over possible competition, and so he has no need to prove himself. He trusts you enough to share how he is feeling, a little jealous and worried. Its not easy for guys to do that, usually more concerned about coming across as tough and strong and sharing such stuff would be considered by the macho guys as weak. Keep up the good communication with Daniel on everything that comes your way. Once you do start dating, Daniel sounds like a great choice. Don't be surprised if that act may bring up obvious bad behavior from Matt. I don't think Adam is a threat, but will back down gracefully. You will be fine, this is a good learning experience for sure. good luck
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