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how to get over a break-up


Question Posted Saturday February 22 2014, 3:43 pm

hi, my boyfriend broke up with me over still wanting to cut after a two week clean and asking for his help after he stopped cutting. Appparently I am a liar and he considers himself a major part of my depressio. He is ignoring me, and he did this two days ago and has said some really mean things when he decided to text me in the middle of the night and again this morning. Hes still talking to my friends like normal but is obviously distressed, as he keeps texting me and he wouldnt talk to anyone most of that day at school and he lashed out a lot... he does that when hes sad. He says when i cut it hurts me, and when he stopped cutting for me I was so proud and tried to stop for him. is that a reasoanble reason to break up with someone? He seems to think I still cut all over. He said some nasty stuff to my friends about me, even though I am the only one being reasonable. He is bitter and angry. How do you get over these things? Do I evenwant him back after he became so upset over such a petty and normal thing for me? Cosidering therapy again. He loved me, or so he said. I feel broken, like im to weak to make him beleive i really stopped. I scratched myself on the wrist that morning, and from across the room he saw me tske my braclet off and fix the bandages. He was quuiet, and he couln't even look at me...I feel worthless. My ex foud out and hes trying to get me to go out with him again, and my bbest female ffriend said she owuld date me. I am bisexual, so was the boyfriend, not the ex. I guess he is now... Why cant i just stoop and its ruining his life even when i dotn do it now.. and i know he is. Im so scared. Sorry for the length, i really need some help.. I dont miss his taste in music but that is acctually aboout it, I really miss hiim. He was my best friend. My friends are trrying to help but they dont get how much it hurts to be broken up with over something ive been so insecure about...

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TiaB answered Sunday February 23 2014, 9:59 am:
Hi. I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time.

Maybe he broke up with you because he's hurt that he could stop for you, but you couldn't for him.( he thinks you didn't.)
Maybe it hurts him, because he used to cut, and he doesn't want that for you. Although that's healthy and a good thing, he doesn't seem like someone you want to be with. I think you answered your own question about wanting to be with him, after he got so upset like this.

You wouldn't want to be with someone saying nary hubs about you over something so delicate and sensitive, such as cutting. You simply do not go Around bad mouthing others, especially not your ex. Maybe he don't mean it in a hurtful, but is trying I get your friends to talk to you about the cutting.

As for the cutting, I'm not judging you or trying to attack you, but please darling, talk to someone. I'm glad you are getting therapy, and it does not define you, or mean that you are weak for wanting to take care of yourself.

I think you might want to let him know that you are okay and are trying to stop cutting. It doesn't happen in a day. It doesn't matter if you relapse or turn to your old habits, what matters is that you keep on trying until you are completely clean. He should understand that and support that and support you. Not get mad and break up with you over it. I'm sure he means well..

Whether you want to be with him again, is your decision.
But choose a partner that will cherish you and support you and love the real you, someone that will be there for you through thick and thin.

You deserve someone who will love you for who you are and help be the best version of yourself.

I hope that helps you feel better if you decide to break up for good, and that they're is someone even better waiting for you.

Good luck, and best wishes.

With love, Tia B.

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