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I'm so paranoid it's making me sick,How do I over come this?
Okay so, for starters- My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and are very happy together. I'm not normally a jealous person, and I trust my boyfriend very much. There is one girl though, that makes me nervous to the core whenever she comes around.
My boyfriend had dated her a long time ago, when he was 16. (He's 22, I'm 20).
I have been this girls "friend",since then as well. They broke up after a week and it wasn't anything serious.
I had never really hung out with this girl until my boyfriend and I had started dating. What happened was that he was hanging out with another ex of his, we'll call her girl B. Girl B is friends with Girl A. Girl B and I had become good friends and started hanging out, and Girl A started to hangout with us as well.
The three of us got to be really close friends. Over time, I had started to realize these girls were bad news. They were always talking to guys, flirting, sleeping around, getting really drunk and driving, ect. The thing was, I wanted to be like them, personality wise( not all of the bad that went along with hanging out with them.) Because after I started developing their characteristics, I started to notice that my boyfriend liked me more (even though, I was myself, I felt like I was influenced by those two girls more so. I was louder, more confident, funnier)
My boyfriend didn't know I was hanging out with these girls as much as I was, nor did he know I had become their close friend- I didn't want to tell him, because I didn't want him to hangout with them. I was paranoid that he would fall for one of them again instead of me.
Over time we all drifted away from each other, and the memories disappeared. I started to be more of myself again, and I feel like my boyfriend has loved me a bit less.
Which brings me to now. Girl A became close friends with my boyfriend's best guy friend, Jack. Jack has a girlfriend as well, Sarah. When Girl A first started hanging around Jack, Sarah felt weirded out about it. Basically Girl A gives off this weird vibe that she's a home wrecker, to be blunt. Sarah's feelings eventually subsided and befriended Girl A. Sarah, Jack, and Girl A now hangout quite often. Girl A tries to get with guys in our friend group. I feel like she is intruding into my circle of friends, for some reason. Girl A is 21 and can go out to bars, with Jack and Sarah. My boyfriend is also over the age and frequently gets invited to drink with Jack. while I still have 2 more months.
The thing is , Everyone tells me and Girl A that we act exactly alike, say the same things, look similar, dress alike. (Even after we stopped hanging out) She's a bit shorter than me, which makes me even more insecure because my boyfriend is a short guy.
I fear that I'm going to be left for Girl A, seeing as Jack is her good friend, as is Sarah now. I feel like I'm being pushed out,which is making me feel shy and quite. I have so much anxiety that she's better than me, and more knowledgable about the things Jack and my boyfriend like doing, and is overall just prettier.
I have told these insecure thoughts to my boyfriend who has tried to calm me down, and assure me. The problem is, I cannot get over this fear. I feel like I saw this coming long before, and now it's so close to happening that I can't breathe.
I realize this is all in my head, but I really just don't know what I can do to believe in myself that I am an individual and deserve to be with my boyfriend. I really just need suggestions and opinions on what someone would do in this situation.
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Hey girl!
Firstly, stop panicking! Know that everything will work out and it'll all be fine.
It's great that you opened up and told your boyfriend how you felt, it was important for him to know that, and the fact that he tried to re-assure you just shows that he likes you for you and that you don't have to worry about anything.
Maybe you're feeling a little insecure about this whole thing, and honestly, I don't blame you, especially because his ex Girl A is always around and trying to get in with everybody, it's completely 100% normal to be a little nervous.
But look, when you said you 3 began to hang out, and that you started acting more like his ex's you noticed that he started liking you more, you need to be assured that it can't be like that. You don't want act like those girls, him and them ended up not working out. It doesnt matter whether they're funny, confident, or loud, because 'used' to be with them. He's with YOU now, he likes you for a reason, likes you for you, so try not to be insecure about your personality because if those girls were better than you, they wouldn't act like homewreckers.
Lastly, you said "I am an individual and deserve to be with my boyfriend", the fact that you said that shows so much! =) The first step of believing it is by actually saying and acknowledging it, and that's what you did. Youre the one that said it, always remember that and tell yourself that, you're amazing the way you are and need not to worry about other girls that try to intrude. If I were you, I'd embrace the fact that it was me that has him not them, enjoy his company, throw the bad thoughts out whenever you get them and just enjoy your moments! =)
You don't deserve to be upset and paranoid over this.
Hope I helped =) If you ever need more advice, email advice.always1@gmail.com for a fast reply, anyways, remember to smile and not let it get to you!
Take care!
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