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Can forbidden love last? Response to Adviceman49
Hello again, if you read Rahzie's response, I already have talked and confronted her on all those points and she is well aware of it all. We have even talked about way more things. We are not delusional. We just want to go back to how things were. Especially me.
I really do not know all the details of what she really went through with him behind closed doors. I don't think I ever will. I just know the things she has told me herself. But, it must be some sort of mental abuse that kept her around for so long even though she has wanted to leave for years and was absolutely miserable. Can sense of financial security and comfort really make a person stay with somebody they don't want to be with for so long? She said when she was younger she thought she loved him, but he was her only relationship in which she had nobody else to compare with, but me. She always reminds me of just how different it is with me and that she now has an idea of what love is really like.
I feel like I am in such an impossible situation and it's just hard to find the words to truly describe my ordeal. I know we need help and we need an unbias, educated, and secular therapist to help us out without giving us the typical oh you guys should break up and be alone crap. We are finally free from him you know? I want to enjoy freedom at last. I don't think going to any therapist will really help our situation, and the specialized ones are just way too expensive. I feel like I am very lucid and understanding of this and I am trying so hard to get her to realize what she has. I really don't want to lose her. Thanks.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It is hard to explain the why of why and abused person will stay with their abuser for as long as she did. Security is one reason. Hopelessness is another. Mostly it is the hold the abuser has on them from all the years of abuse. The abused persons total self-image and self-worth are lost. It is something like the Stockholm syndrome of captives with their captor but not exactly.
Whether it is affordable or not therapy is needed to recapture what has been lost. As she has lost not only her self-image but her self-worth and self-respect as well. No matter how much you love her you cannot give this back to her by yourself.
You do not need a specialized therapist. Any psychologist should be able to help her. What is important is to find one she is comfortable with and she can trust. It would not be unusual to go through 2,3 even 4 psychologists before she finds one that is sort of a kindred spirit to her. Then you working with the psychologist will be able to bring her back to where she should be.
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