|
hi its me again...
Hey im the 15 year old girl that wrote to you about my relationship the other day and what to do about it..hopefully you remember. Anyway, you gave me great advice but never a true answer on what i should to about my situation.My boyfriend is also 15 almost 16 and im his first girlfriend ever. You mentioned his behavior being abusive and that really got me thinking.. Whenever we are together he wants to look at my messages..not like read them all just see if any guys are in my messages.He also looks at my snapchat to. He gets mad at me if i fall asleep texting him or if i dont reply fast to his texts. maybe its just immaturity, idk, but please help me!!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
The reason I never gave a definitive answer is because it is your decision which way to go. Either you stay with him and wait to go through more experiences that point to him not being a great choice for a boyfriend, or you listen to your gut feeling, that inner voice that cause you to write and ask for advice in the first place. Something deep down inside of you is sensing something is not quite right, something is off...and while you can't quite put your finger on it or prove it step by step like a scientist proves his theory, just that fact that your feminine intuition is asking questions, not sure about it, and maybe even a little suspicious, is enough reason to cool it with him for a while and hang out with your regular friends again. If he can't handle that and leaves, then its all for the best, he wasn't worth you wasting your time on. If by some slight chance he was acting as he did with you totally out of inexperience and/or copying his dad or someone else, then when you stop allowing him to control your life, he will realise he needs to treat you better to keep your interest, or lose you. And that may be a big life change for him where he either decides to become a better young man. But nothing will happen to change him without challenging him.
One thing too many girls do is make themselves too available to guy. So the guy thinks they can get away with murder, so to speak, and still the girl will stay with him because it makes her feel she is desireable. The girl who lays down the law and tells a guy what she expects of him, and what treatment she will not allow, will find some guys stop hanging out with her cus they don't want to grow up and be responsible and treat a female right in the first place. If you draw the line in the sand so to speak, and he backs down and apologizes for how he's been treating you, and changes truly, not just speaking the words, then he is worth staying with. Youeither won't know until you challenge him. By challenging him, you tell him what conduct/behavior you will accept from him and what you find offensive or disturbing. If you don't like him regulating who you can speak to, such as old friend, male or not, then tell him so. YOu tell him it must stop immediately. That you are going to reload their numbers on your phone, and if you find a single number deleted, he will have lost his chance to ever date you again. But you must be willing to back up any such consequences you give him for his bad behavior.
Its the same with parents who need to discipline a child. If the child say refuses to do their homework and the penalty is not getting to watch their favorite show, go to bed early and not get dessert after dinner, if you relent and let the child have any of those cus you love them so much and don't want to be harsh with them, you actually create a monster. the child learns that they can get away with breaking any rule, not listening to mom and dad cus their threats are empty, they have no backbone to stick with their rules and the child becomes an out of control brat.
Same thing happens with young men. If a girl lets a guy get away with terrible behavior and they still get to date her, then there is no reason to correct his behavior now, is there? I hope you understand now. Best you find the back bone to stand up to him and tell him what behavior you do not like and back it up if he tests you. Little kids test their parents too to see if they really meant the warning they gave. So expect to be tested. You can do it. If you do not think you are strong enough to do so, you are in for a lot of rocky and unhappy, unfulfilling relationships ahead....why??? Because guys like that can easily spot the type of gal they know theycan get away with offensive, abusive behavior and thats all you will find yourself attracting. You know now what is best to do. But I realize that it is your choice to do so or if you choose not to. Sometimes, the best way to learn,for some people, IS by making mistakes....by going through the bad experiences and learning from them. If your experiences with him so far haven't been bad enough to make you really be determined to want something better, then the best thing truly for you is to experience more of the worst. I only say that because thats what I had to go through, experiencing more of the worst before I woke up and came to my senses. I wish you the best dear.
Personally unless the guy is exceptionally wonderful and someone you've know a long time, maybe grown up with, I feel that to date exclusively and commit to be with only one guy for dating or hanging out, at your age to not be the best decision. For some reason, there is this invisible pressure on all teens, something making them feel they all need to couple up and start dating steady at this age which I personally think ridiculous since we as teens, myself included, know/knew very little at this age and therefore teen girls are more susseptible to getting hooked up with a guy who treats them badly and they assume thats the best they can ever get. Wrong. YOu can get lots better dear.
Good luck. Write again if you ever have need.
]
More Questions: |