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What's the next best step in our relationship?
My S.O. and I have been together about a year. It was one of those things that was love at first sight and we fell hard and fast for each other. He's the only man I've ever trusted and the only man I've ever had sex with. We wound up getting a beautiful home together in a luxury neighborhood after being together 4 months. We were great together for the longest time but now I feel we're growing individually but not together.
Since we've gotten together we both moved out of our parent's homes.I started financing my first car. He got a full time job for the first time and now he's being promoted to Assistant Manager where he works. Though I already had a full time job (which I continued working until this week) I'm starting a new job soon where I'll be a manager which is a first for me as I'm usually just a sales rep. Of course we now pay our own bills and have contracts together on things such as a cellphone plan, an internet plan and furniture we're renting which is also new to both of us but I think we're doing great at all of the above.
But like I said before I feel that we're growing as individuals but not as a couple.
He hasn't made any sort of visual commitment to me such as a promise ring and I feel very uncomfortable (due to my mother raising me in a religious/conservative background)still being on the girlfriend level seeing as we're doing everything a married couple would (I'm not asking to be his wife but I want some sort of visual commitment that people see and know I'm his). I confronted him about a promise ring but he thought the idea was silly.
I also feel a little unappreciated I'm the one who does all of the cleaning/cooking and recently he's started asking "What's for dinner?" every night like he expects it to be made for him and I honestly don't mind but it would be nice if he brought home dinner sometimes. This next thing isn't too severe but he never buys me gifts ever. All of my friends boyfriends buy them little things here and there like chocolates. He's never ever bought me anything (not even for Christmas) yet I bought him hundreds of dollars worth of gifts from expensive designer glasses to a $400 phone. However he does pay the furniture payments out of his paycheck which is around $40.
He also tends to assume I'm doing something wrong (like thinking I'm putting dirty dishes in the clean dishwasher) and he verifies everything I say that's informative by googling it like he thinks I'm unintelligent I confronted him about that too and he said "Well I get it from my Dad.".
He does other small irritating things too like if he wants to go to sleep then I have to as well. He always wants to drive my car, use my cellphone and my laptop even though he also has his own of each. He's always giving me unwanted advice. He tells me what I should and shouldn't buy and what he thinks I need and don't need whether I want it or not.
With all of these bad things said though he's can be very sweet. He has a great sense of humor, he always kisses me good morning and good night, he makes sure that I'm safe and checks up on me when away from home, he supports me in decisions, goes to family gatherings,loves to cuddle and keeps himself relatively clean and wears clothing that I pick out for him just to make me happy.
I love him very much, more than anybody else in my life and I cherish him but lately the bad things that he does seem to outweigh the and I find myself feeling like a child under the supervision of an overbearing parent instead of a significant other and with me starting this new management job I don't know if I can handle him and the job. I think I might need to be alone for a while so I can figure things out without the stress of taking care of him and being able to do what I want when I want.
I talked to him about how he makes me feel last night and we discussed it for a few hours and he begged me to stay and give him another chance and that he promised to work on our relationship and didn't want to live without me. I felt good about it last night and like the chemistry was back but I woke up this morning feeling emotionally drained again.
I don't know what to do next now. I love him dearly and I still want to live together but I don't know if I want this relationship and I also don't want him to leave. I still want to live together but I'm not sure I want to as a couple but rather best friends especially if he doesn't want to change my status from girlfriend to something higher.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
In one respect you two sort of jumped in the pool together somewhat quickly. There is nothing wrong with this though now you are starting to have your concerns. Partly due to your conservative religious background. You're looking for some type of commitment, a ring of some type.
As someone on the outside looking in I can see the commitment you're not seeing. You have purchased a house together, he helped you purchase your first car. You have furnished this house together.
There is evidence in what you have written that he is taking you for granted as well as evidence that he truly loves you. He is also the first man you have had sex with and I think you might be wondering what you may have missed or be missing although you have not said this it would be a concern you might have. Especially if he has had a number of sexual partners.
IF you're asking us whether to stay or go I don't feel that is the right thing for us to offer as advice. I feel there is a loving relationship here that has become lost in the comfort of living together as well as the stress of growing as individuals.
I believe the best advice I can offer is that you and he take advantage of the couples counseling available to you through your individual health plans or EAP programs at work.
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