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this about the guy in my last question
hello dragonfly. i was hoping you would be able to give me more advice. this guy that i was talking about in my last question about the teaching me register and stuff. well i was talking to a couple of my friends and they say to play hard to get or just see how it goes. well i have come to the conclusion that i either play too hard to get or not hard enough i cant be in the middle, cause i always come off as one or the either. the other day i was shopping and he rang me up and he said that i had 5 dollars on my store card that next time i can buy myself lunch. then he said or i can buy him lunch. my uncle said there it was, he was basically letting me know i could ask him. well he said i should tell him hey when are you going to buy me lunch? and if he says what say well you said i can buy you lunch why cant you buy me lunch? and i find that easy to do because when i say or do something he goes out of his way to pass by me while im working to tell me something. whether its the same day or a couple days later. but the thing is i dont even know if he has a girlfriend and i dont want to come off as too strong or something and push him away. what should i do.. i want to be able to hangout with him and get to know him bette. im definitely interested in him. and i want him to be just as interested in me..
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Best way to know if he has a girlfriend is to ask...and you have good reason to ask because if you are going to be buying him lunch and him buying you lunch another day, and he does have a girlfriend, you don't want to be responsible for messing things up if she found out and is the jealous type. So ask "do you have a girlfriend?" If he says No and asks why you want to know. Then give the explanation, "Well now I can't be buying you lunch and you treating me out another day if you have a girlfriend, I dont want to make another girl jealous. If he says No but doesnt ask why you wanted to know, tell him anyways. The reason I asked if you were single was because....and give the same reason. If he says yes he has a girlfriend, then you can say, "Darn too bad, I was rather looking forward to buying you lunch and you treating me out another day. I don't like to get involved if you already have a girlfriend. If you ever break up and are single again, let me know. Then wink and end of convo.
If you discover he has a girlfriend but thinks flirting and lunch together is harmless, he could be fishing to find other girls to play the field or he truly has no other interest other than friend with flirting benefits.
This kind of stuff really only comes from experience, what to sense to say at a moments notice.
Best advice I can give is to go with your gut instinct on what to say or do, if you say something you feel awkward about and want to cover up, like asking if he was interested in you and he says no, what gave you that idea...okay awkward...the best thing is to flirt and make light of it. Example: Oh, sorry i picked up on that wrong. I guess I was lumping you in with how all other guys have acted towards me when interested, going out of their way to find me and talk to me, smiling and looking at me alot, that sort of stuff. I suppose I should ask what kind of signals you do give off when you are interested in case you change your mind later. I wouldn't want to miss those signals. Then smile and wink if you like. You just blatantly said in a round about way that you hope he becomes interested and comes after you and that you are hoping he will.
If you think of a good comeback hours later or the next day, just tell him, Hey I was kinda tongue tied back there when you asked..... i couldn't think of an answer or didnt' give yu the answer I wanted to. You have that kind of effect on me, where I get tongue tied and lose my train of thought. Its not an embarrassing thing to admit, its an encouraging thing to him, to know he has this kind of affect on you which would not be possible if you weren't so attracted to him. So thats encouragement for him to make a move.
There are other ways you could have answered the lunch convo. "Hmm, interesting, you want me to buy your lunch. I was raised to expect men to be a gentleman which includes things like paying for my meal, never expecting me to. But in your case, since I like you alot, I am willing to do dutch. (this means each pays their own way on a date)
This tells him two things, that you want a guy who will act like a gentleman and treat you well, that you wont be offended like some womans libber. and that you are interested enough in him that you are still willing to have a lunch date with him even if you both pay your own way.
I dont always come up with the words on the spot. Maybe I am mulling it over and ten minutes later I've got the perfect words, so I go right back and bring up the conversation again and give my great answer. No guy has ever thought it weird that I gave them a good comeback a little later, they are actually flattered for any effort like that you make. Good luck dear.
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