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URGENT ADVICE NEEDED!!! i am from South-Africa
Hi there everyone...
I am 22 years old.
I have been together wth my boyfriend for almost two years now and we have been seperated for almost a month now.everything was fine in the beggining but started going wrong we broke up and a week later got back together again.i dnt know if this time is for real as he said that he wants m to move on but he also doesnt want me to move on.he says that i know he feels the same way about me as i do about him,i have walked literally miles to look for him,with no luck finally i got contact with him and we have been talking and he gives me so much hope tells me that when we are together things must be diffrent and there's some things he wants to do,and he also said that he misses me and the things we did.my instincts are never wrong,i mean never but what if it's wrong this time.i told hiim i have changed and it's hard but i'm keping it together.he also doesnt give me str8 answers on things he just says he doesn't know.but i am clueless when it comes to guys in a gay relationship even if i'm a guy it's hard i dnt know iif he is talking the truth.i also told him what if. Fall inlove with someone else and he asked me not 2,he told me we will get married and alot of other thngs.i thouht i knew him but i have alot to still learn.he also said that he wanted enought money when he comes to me,when i asked how long he says he doesnt know,how am i suppose to life waiting months,i want to let him go,but i am crazy inlove with him and i love him to bits what must i do?i hugged my pillow the other night and said the words i usually told him before we went to bed and the worst was when there was no reply and i realized it might be the end.please only honest answers
Thank you regards. Ps i am from South-Africa
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You say he needs to gather money to come to you but that you have been together 2 years before the breaks, so if I am understanding this right, you are talking about a long distance on line relationship. If so, have you ever met in person?
Separating for good is a two way street he can't ask you to keep yourself available for him while he keeps searching for someone better. That doesnt sound like love.
I am not gay but I know its very hard for two heterosexual people to find the right one, and hetero's are the majority. Being gay, you're a minority, and so theres not as many choices and it must be awful difficult to find the right person, so I can imagine that if you think you found someone that comes even remotely close to being what you want that you want to just hang on tight to him and not let go.
My only suggestion is the same I'd have for anyone, no matter what your sexual orientation, or who the person is, a mate, a sibling, a parent or best friend. If the person in your life isn't loving you unconditionally, and doesn't seek your highest interests, but pursues their own without any care for you, then they don't really understand what love is. They may say they love you but not know how to carry it out in action and thats the part that really counts.
If your gut feeling is that you dont know whether he is telling the truth, thats not a good sign.
Successful relationships are built on trust over time. But trust has to be earned by how we treat the person we love. In 2 years time, the two of you should have been able to build up some trust. If its an internet relationship, its only part real and part imagined or fantasy. It is not a good venue in which trust can grow. If you've been together in real life 2 yrs and have no trust, my guess would be that he is not a very good choice for a mate. If you are okay with being choice number two or three for him in his search for a mate, then by all means, hang in there and see what happens. If you are okay with a lack of trust for him, and being told sweet things and promises that are never proved by and backed up with actions, then go ahead and hang in there, waiting for him to decide what he wants.
Its really your decision to make. By reading between the lines, I believe you have too many questions in your mind whether it could work out. It boils down to going with your gut feeling. If you feel too unsecure to make any permanent vows or promises to him, then don't. Take it very slowly and see how it unfolds. If you are afraid of getting your heart broke because some of the things he's doing right now are beginning to feel hurtful, then you must do whats best for you which may be breaking off the relationship. Good luck dear.
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