|
Trust Issues
Hey there. I need some answers. For some odd reason I can't date guys. Like I'm straight and everything, but I don't really know what to do. When I'm in a relationship with a guy its like my mind is telling me no you can't date him you can't be with him. I honestly don't know what's wrong. I have extreme anxiety when it comes to relationships. I am always worried about what they will think of me, or what type of background I'm from. Well, I had one relationship once where my boyfriend was everything to me until he called me names and it took forever for me to get over him. I have friends that are very close that are also guys and I like them. One of them asked me out, but I said no because I knew my anxiety would get the best of me. Please Help. I would really really appreciate it.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hey there.
You are not too different from me. I have anxiety in regards to all things relationships. I have a hard time making and keeping friends because of this. It's such a foreign concept to most people, but if you have social anxiety, it really does control your life.
I was the same way that you are now. My first boyfriend was a cheater, my second boyfriend was abusive, and all of the minor relationships in between were unpleasant for various other relationships. It wasn't until I decided to stop trying so hard that I found my perfect fit.
I think that the best thing for people like us to do is to build trust with someone BEFORE becoming romantically involved with them. You mentioned guy friends, and that's a great thing to have. I find it is much easier to get to know someone honestly when there are no romantic expectations. Do you have a friend you trust the most? Someone that you can just be yourself around? If you do, then that's the type of guy you should be with.
I knew my boyfriend for 2 years before we ever dated. We both were in crappy relationships and were both obviously unhappy. We vented to each other, though, and got to know each other strictly as friends. When we were both finally single, he asked me on a date. I spent the whole night before drinking (a lot) and panicking about how the date would go. I thought that I would screw up somehow and then I would be short a friend and ruin my chances of dating him. I wore far too much makeup, way too much perfume, and tried too hard to be something I wasn't. I think he saw through all of that though, and we had a great time on the date anyways. About half-way through the date, I became comfortable again. I realized that he was the same guy I was best friends with, and us going on a date didn't change that, so why should I worry about who he thinks I am? Eventually I became comfortable and it felt like it did when we hung out as friends, except with a lot more hand holding and butterflies. We've been dating happily now for 3 years and I advise all of my friends to date their best friend.
Moral of the story is, pick someone you feel comfortable with and someone who already knows your background and personality but STILL chooses to have you in their life. Go on the date, even if your anxiety begs you not to. You may be pleasantly surprised with how easy it is! Just be yourself and don't worry about anyone else. The right person will not judge you and will think you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to them-I promise. :) Good luck and stay confident!
]
More Questions: |