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help! confused!
It’s a really long story so I will try to make it shorter. and sorry if you get confused. So long story short there was this guys in one of my college classes. he turned around because he heard me and my friend let’s say her name is sarah talk about a class that he was taking at the time and he overheard and let us see his catalog. which i thought was nice of him and he was very attracted too. well we would talk in class sometimes because i found out that he was taking a bio lab like me but a different bio lecture and just minor conversation starters. i wasnt really into him at that time. but then a couple days later i see him at the rec playing basketball right before my karate class which my karate class is right next to the basketball court and it’s before the class we have with him. so i'm like oh what a coincidence. He loves basketball so he is at the gym for like six hours a day playing. So I would see him right before I go to my karate class and after in my social psychology class. well oddly enough he emailed me in our school email a couple weeks later and asked if he could see one of my laps and to text him. so i texted him a little later was like yeah you can use my lap no problem and we made a date to meet up and i was thinking that's all he wanted but he kept texting me and making small talk and at the end of our convo he was like I will text you tomorrow so I was like wow he wants to text me tomorrow. He ended up adding me on fb that day. And was messaging me too trying to get to know me. He was a senior in college and I was a sophomore in college so he is a little older but not too much. He doesn’t party or hook up with girls not really his thing. He doesn’t drink or smoke.. Which is what I need in a guy because it’s so hard to find a guy who doesn’t do those things now in days. He likes to run Which I love running. My future husband has to run because I love it and I would love for us to run together. We have lots of things in common. All his interests are want in a guy. But anyways so he ends up texting me quite awhile for weeks. so I think he is interested in me. but then I find out he has a gf because that's what it says on fb. and i get upset and i confront him about it and he says it's a bad relationship she breaks up with him all the time. well I’m still upset about it so i tell him I gotta go and he says okay goodnight. i wake up to a text to him in the morning wondering why he is texting me but ignore it. i walk to my first class which is my bio lecture class and who do i see i see him. so since I saw him I ended up texting him 30 minutes after I see him. and he is like funny running into you and stuff. well I decide I could just be his friend and stuff while hoping him and his gf will break up sometime for good if it's meant to be with me and him it will. During school he would acknowledge me while he was playing basketball with all his basketball buddies and talk to me and we would meet up and study together well now it's during the summer and he wasn't as receptive as he was in school. like i would have to have now start the convo's and stuff and sometimes he wouldnt respond. so i get a little upset. well my friend who was in my karate class and social psych class decides to add him on facebook to see if he is still in a relationship and then delete him. Because I wasn’t his friend on facebook because of when I found out he had a gf he asked if I still wanted to be his friend and I said im not sure but I only said that because I was hurt. Well after that he delete me off facebook but the next morning he texted me and I got over it but he never accepted my friend request on facebook yet but like I said I got over it and decided I could be his friend. But anyways well he ends up messaging sarah being really weird saying whats up boo want to chill and stuff. We play along with it and stuff and ask him saying but you have a gf and he was like not anymore. They ended it so im freaking out thinking why is he talking to her but he isnt being so receptive to me. he asks her if im with her and she says no because im not. But I am talking to her on the phone and see is telling me their who convo. well i ended up tagging her in a post and he sees it. and he thinks im with her so he deletes her and blocks me and her off fb. i get upset and text him and he says it's not my fault your friend added me and why did she lie and say im not with her when he saw that i was with with her on fb. well i explain that i just tagged her in a post and that i wasnt with her. well he lies and say that sarah said that she wants to three way me her and him. well i was too tired from work to talk on the phone so i was like can we do it some other time but he didnt respond so im like if you really want to we can so i have her call him and me and he doesnt answer. so i text why didnt you answer if you wanted to three way. and then he says your not here. so i get confused then i get to thinking does he want a threesome. and so i spazz out him and say just because you and your gf break up doesnt mean you can be all crazy and that's not what friends do. And I say I thought you you don’t just hook up then he texts me four times in a row and says not that. I said threeway calling. your confused. bye. so i try and text him a week later to let him cool off and he is still mad and was like why are you texting me and im like what do you mean and he was like after what happened kind of pointless and i try to explain that i misunderstood everything and he doesnt respond back. another week later i text him again and he is like why do you keep texting me and i try to explain that i was confused and everything and he doesnt respond to my text or my fb message and then he finally answers me when i say can you just talk to me about this and i will leave you alone because we have disagreements and you get mad easily. so i try and explain to him but he wont talk to me. and reblocked me off fb. Cuz he unblocked me off fb after I texted him about him blocking me well school is about to start up in a month and i really want to become his friend and maybe start talking to him again but i dont know he seems like doesnt want to anymore. i know i shouldnt of brought up his ex girlfriend when they just broke up and i should of been more of a support system but i dont know he just really confused me. he is like my dream guy and i feel like i ruined it because if you think of it in his perspective I was being mean and I would have been mad if I was in his shoes and him and his ex just broke up but he was just really confusing me yet if it's meant to be he will talk to me again right? im just confused. i need help. he graduated because he was senior with a sociology degree that's how i met him and he was going to take summer classes to get his 2nd degree in physical education but he decided to just take it in the fall! which excited me because im a junior and still am in school which we go to school in michigan. but he is from new jersey but lives and goes to school here in michigan but what is your guys take on this? do you think i messed up bad and he just isn't interested in me. or maybe he is just still mad at me. i really have no idea. but thanks for helping :)
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Lets go back to when you first saw on FB that he listed he was in a relationship. One of the things you are going to need to learn in life is to not over react. If you understood anything about how most people these days end up in a relationship with someone who is not right for them...even married to someone like that, you might have seen this as a chance to counsel a peer.
Fact: he was paying attention to you because he liked you, even though he was in a supposed bad relationship. Texting convo's of such an important nature is not a good idea. The best thing would have been to ask to have some time to talk to him in private face to face. I'll call him Tony. So you could say, Tony, by the attention you've shown me, I was pretty sure, and still am sure that you like me alot. The natural next step would be to learn more about each other and date. But on Facebook your status says you are in a relationship. I am not accusing you of anything...just want to find out what the situation is. Tony would then tell you he has been dating the girl for some time. There's things they like about each other but for the most part, they fight often and she keeps leaving him. You could say, wow, it doesn't sound like a good match. Dating is all about learning from the different people we date what we like and don't like about a person. You've probably had enough time to figure that out.
So if there's things happening that make you unhappy enough to start flirting with me and paying me attention, for what do you think you are staying with her yet?
He might have said something like, "when i make a committment, I want to stick with it even if it gets tough." (Thats a good trait. Makes a loyal husband if he can come to the conclusion that he is making a committment to the wrong person.)
Or he might have said," Dad raised me to not be a quitter." ( Thats another good trait, He is one of those who when the going gets tough, he keeps going and doesnt give up.)
Or Tony might say, "She is a very fragile depressed type of person, I am afraid that if I broke up with her, she might try to commit suicide. (there are teens who have written in who are in that exact situation) If Tonys girl friend is one of these, you would have found out by keeping your cool and could suggest he see a school counselor about it because you can't protect a person like that by staying with them. Losing a job might be enough to make them kill themselves. They need counseling and Tony needs to move on.
Or there could be other reasons why he hasn't left, all which would point to wonderful great qualities in a guy which are just temporarily misplaced with this girl. By being a friend, you may have been able to help him through this.
And Tony would eventually leave the other girl, change his FB status back to single and then he is available to begin to date you if you are still interested.
Everything that happened throughout your story with your friend,Sarah, Tony and you was nothing but immature things said and done all the way through which made the situation worse. Giving someone the cold shoulder and silence treatment is not going to resolve anything.
If this is really eating at you... you may want to apologize for acting immature. fess up that you felt hurt when you found out he was in a relationship instead of being a single guy after you. By staying calm you can find out if he really is a player who won't make a solid commitment to one female or if there are some strange circumstances and he is not seeing things clearly and making the best decisions because of misplaced ideas of a moral committment. Tell him you are willing to hear his story first before you can make a good decision to be a friend or not. It's fair. He should be willing to give you that since he started the flirting and coming after you.
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