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So fed up with loneliness
I moved to a new city within the same state about a year ago and I'm finding it hard to make friends or even meet a guy. I'm a 21 year old girl, and I feel like everyone in the new city already has all of their friends and their social groups and it's more unlikely that they'll be accepting of a newcomer. I know when you're younger, it's easier to join a social group of girls but I'm 21! I don't want to be hanging around little children. I mean I don't mind talking to them but I don't want to be associating with them all the time. I want to meet people my age but it's so hard given that no one really takes the time to talk to me. Considering I'm the new girl, why do I have to be the one to go up to everyone? I'm already shy. I'm one of those shy until you get to know me people but considering that I'm the new one, I can easily overcome my shyness once someone actually makes an effort to look like their interested in being my friend.
Now don't get me wrong, it's not as if I have absolutely anyone. I have made a couple of acquaintances, but I rarely see them. Not by choice either. I have mutual friends with these acquaintances back where I used to live, which is how I know them in the first place. But these people have their lives as well and even though we minimally talk, I never see them/get to interact with them in person. The most we talk is through Facebook or other social media websites. I feel like eventually people get tired of friendships like those. I mean, I would too if I didn't see the person often because how much could you possibly talk about without having seen them in a long time. The people I see often are the ones who don't talk to me. Go figure.
As for love life, I've met a few guys but they've all turned out to come with complications. I really don't want any complications going into a relationship. I want it to be a clean slate kind of thing. What I mean is this, one guy I met recently, was a nice guy on the outside but personality was messed up. He had a girlfriend and flirted around with me and said inappropriate things. He even flirted with my 15 year old friend, and he's 22. I told him off, not badly but I told him if you're going to continue to act like this, then we have no business talking. He just texts me hi every once in a while but that's it. Another guy broke off a 5 year relationship recently. I've talked to him more and he's been a lot more respectful to me but I don't think he sees me that way nor wants a relationship. We don't talk very often for there to be a hint of a crush on me. He's a little bit older than I am too. Finally, another guy I know, haven't really talked to him much, but on the outside seems like a nice guy who comes from a respectable family, but problem is, he's a year younger or so.
I know not everyone my age is in a relationship, but it would be nice to finally meet someone. It's been 2 years since I've been out of a relationship and I really miss the feeling of having someone. I feel like I have all this love within me, but no one to share it with. I don't want to come off as desperate but why are these things so complicated.
I have friends back where I used to live and we're still friends. I don't see them very often so it becomes hard and that's why it gets lonely because I want to make new friends up here and meet someone. I'm so bored. And its not like I don't put myself out there, I do. I go to events in the neighborhood with my family and there are people there my age but no one my age ever actually talks to me.
What should I do?
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Hey. I'm in the same situation now-moved to a different city within my state and finding it hard to make friends.
Take my advice, since I won't.
There is no shame in being alone, in fact it might help you become less lonely. I find that every time I go to a coffee joint or book store alone, I am ALWAYS approached. Don't worry, I'm not Kate Upton or anything. I'm decent-looking at best, but that has nothing to do with being approached. People are attracted to loneliness. When a normal looking young person is alone, it inspires more confident (and more extroverted) people to come up to you. They want to make a friend. They want to feel like they made a difference in your day.
My other piece of advice is that there is strength in numbers. Every now and then, a friend of mine from my hometown will come visit me here. Every time we go out, other groups of girls or guys will naturally group up with us. Maybe inviting a more social friend out is a good idea. Even if you're shy, you are bound to meet at least one interesting person. Give it a shot. You have nothing to lose.
Best of luck!
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Your generation is more reliant on internet, texting and such and doesn't have the same skills as the older generations who had to learn to make friends and meet guys face to face. Once out of school where you see certain people every day, how do you meet people? You didn't say how you are meeting people so maybe you're already doing all you can do.
What makes a good friend is having something in common with the other person whether for girlfriend or a relationship with a guy and step two with a guy is sexual chemistry/attraction.
Since both involve friendship and having things in common i suggest you start there. What are your hobbies, or some things you have wanted to try?
I have a daughter who found some New Age and energy healing type groups through Meetup.com in her area and made a couple new girlfriends that way. She hasn't meet a guy that way yet though.
Dating online is a possibility using todays technology and if you can get the guy to really share truthfully about himself, then it can be faster and easier to weed through the stuff that doesnt interest you and there are plenty of all ages on there. If you decide you want to try that, write to my inbox. I have much guidelines for you...many do's and don't to make it a more pleasant and hopefully successful experience. I did online dating. But then I was late forties whwen I was doing it and had alot more life experience and wisdom and yet still learned things along the way.
There are singles groups in every city that you can find online who organize a hike or a visit to an art exhibit or some other such social event and you choose to go to the events you want to and meet people face to face instead of internet date site. I have no experience with that other than one event. I didnt like it. Too hit and miss and more like hunting for a needle in a haystack to find someone more spiritual/new age like me. I wish you well in whatever you try. If internet dating is what you want to try, please ask and i will help. Good luck.
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