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my fiance want us to swing
Me and my fiance are together no for 7 years he wants to swing and I'm not really up to it but they say relationships is 50 50 you must make sacrifices for each other but the idee of my man toaching and kissing another woman is making me feel that I'm not good enough and I wonder why must I live? 25 female
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
My views are very liberal when it comes to consensual sex. Even so I have one very strict rule. Consensual means consenting which means both parties have to be in agreement to first have sex together. Consent to the type of sex or fetish one partner may wish to try. In what you have written about swinging or wife swapping as it was once called both parties have to be in agreement. If one says no then it is not consensual.
To some degree sex is part of the 50/50 of a marriage. An example might be I want to make love tonight you're too tired. Then you think its been awhile what with us both being tired and conflicting schedules. You give into me. This I see as part of the marital 50/50 relationship as putting yourself out for the other.
Swinging on the other hand has nothing to do with part of the marital 50/50 relationship. This is something totally apart from that and needs consent of both parties if you are going to do it. You have said no or want to say no. In which case no is no. It is not done. You are not comfortable with doing so.
This is not something like a new sexual position or new sexual technique like maybe anal sex where you can try it and if you don't like it you just don't do it again. Swinging from your own words is something that can ruin your marriage.
I'm not sure why your fiance wants to try swinging. What I believe is he for some reason may want to spice up your sex life. He might think that by swinging you both will learn new things. Frankly I don't agree with him on that.
I don't believe you are not good enough for him. I believe that given your age and if he is the same age. That maybe he feels he has missed something. What this requires is that you two have a frank discussion about your sex life. It may mean that you both see a couples counselor or even a sex therapist together. You will only find this out by talking to each other.
Communicating is my second hard and fast rule of marriage or relationships as well as sex. Sex only takes a relationship so far. One day you wake up and find that you need to talk to one another and you really don't know how. Learn to communicate with each other. Not just about things of the relationship such as household bills and things. But about each others wants, desires, goals in life and dreams so you can support each other as you go through life.
Short answer to your question. Swinging is not something you have to live with as part of the 50/50 of a relationship. You can and should, based on the feelings you gave, say no to swinging. Then you and your husband need to learn to communicate with each other. Enlist professional help if need be.
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