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A Band Crush?
I'm kind of confused... I was at an all night fundraiser for my Band and Color guard. Since I was in both i did 2 1/2 hours with band and the rest of the time with guard (It was from 6 to Midnight)Color guard performed for the band our winter guard show and then we were aloud to stay up ALL NIGHT. So (I'm 13 and a girl, i was an 8th grade when this all happened) and one of the Sophomores (he's now a Junior) asked me if i was going to stay up. I said "Heck yeah!" and he looked at me and said "The 8th grader is going to stay up?" He asked, I told him I would show him and i walked away.(He's cute and I'm not using names so I'll going to use all of the people's first initial) So i was kind of hanging around jumping from group to group of students. When i saw this group of group of guys on the floor playing cards. I kind of knew them so i decided to go over there. I sat sown and I realized 'Z' (The guy i mention above)was watching. So a short amount of time later he decided to actually play. He gave us all some M&M's and I found out one of the guys 'J' liked Egyptology like I do. So we started talking about it and I got up to show him something on the computer right next to our group and for some reason 'Z' followed us. He did this again when i got up to show 'J' something again. So then our Band director turned off the light because some students were already sleeping and the rest where watching a movie, so we took the cards and a blanket out into the hall and sat down. We sat in a cube formation (I sat with my back against the wall, J sat next to me, another guy sat making the other side. My friend C sat next to him, the Z sat opposite to me and then E sat across from the other guy) The guys were trying to explain a game to me but i couldn't grasp it, and playfully 'Z' said "Wow S you're really slow!" and immediately 'Z' said "Yeah! Well she is way more mature than you are!" and C said something about it right after that and 'Z' defended me again just like he did before!(I had told him earlier that night that i was really mature for my age)and we started plying a game. 'E' was lying on his stomach and explaining the games while shuffling the cards (Keep in mind I am the only girl with 5 guys)and I looked up and 'Z' started mimicking 'E' with his hand and mouth and kept eye contact with me.I started laughing and he did,keeping eye contact. After a while I went back into the Band room and 'Z' and 'J' followed me. The next morning It was cold and i couldn't find my jacket (I was in a tank top)to go get breakfast and 'E' gave me his. I came back inside after doing so and 'Z' looked at me weird and confused. I felt like i had to explain why i had 'E's jacket. Now this happened a few weeks ago. We where having our pop's concert and I was walking around (I didn't want to get in my dress yet) and 'Z' randomly goes "Shouldn't you go get in your costume?" I forgot what we said after that though. At a Pre-Festival concert i went to for band I was kind of upset with 'Z'(he called me something mean, but not that bad.I think he was teasing.We were on a bus) and i sunk down into my seat, on my phone and i randomly hear "S, S!" I sat up and saw him and he asked "Are you dead?" I said yes and turned around. On a us to Competition i had fallen asleep and when i woke up on the way back when we got back to the school 'Z' said to me in a baby voice "Wakey Wakey!" because since i was 1 of the 8th graders i was like a baby. I have NO idea if he likes me or not and I don't know if I like him or not. I might. I need help! He's about 2-3 years older than me so please don't say He's to old or I'm to young. I just need help. I'd also like advice on how to get closer to him when I'm kind of shy. Please help!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I remember being the one gal hanging out with a bunch of guys. We were all the same age in youth group at church but sometimes they'd approach me and ask if I wanted to go with them to some event. I was chosen over the other girls. There are reasons for that.
It might be that your Z and the others see you stand out from the other enjoy the company of females but with all the other girls there and there were 5 guys, not even one other had found a girl to ask to hang out with him and the guys. You were the only one they all were interested in.
Why?
At the middle school and high school years, many girls could be too flirty and girly for a guy so guys don't find it comfortable to approach and talk to girls. The majority of girls can appear to be some strange creature. Lets say, like female but from another planet...thats how they come across...as being very foreign. You however, no matter your age, come across as female yet very human and approachable. So throughout the years, you likely will find that you attract a lot of guys as friends because they need a female they are comfortable with to begin practicing how to talk to a girl, flirt with and get positive feedback from a girl and how to learn more about them, what they are like on the inside, their personalities and characteristics.
In the group of male friends, there will occasionally be one or maybe two who have a genuine interest in taking it from a group friendship level to a more best friend level and maybe to dating if all goes well. It might not but thats all part of dating and learning. Look at it all as a learning experience for later in life to pick a partner. It's few who find someone in high-school who become a lifelong partner.
So Z tried being intentionally funny to see if you would respond favorably and you did...you laughed. It is a very rewarding thing for a guy to be able to do something that a female likes. He needs to be recognized in some way that makes him stand out from the others when he is practicing his flirting skills and is genuinely attracted to the girl. Think of it this way, can you really see yourself practicing your flirting skills on a guy you don't even find attractive? Nope...same for him. So he is attracted to what he see's but being attracted to and really liking a girl are two different things to a male. So you won't find them easily making a commitment right off the bat to 'be a couple' or date if he does not know enough about a girl to know if he likes the you inside of you.
So it would be a good time to see if he would like to hang out and become closer friends with you. Next timed you see him, refer to the incident and how you like his sense of humor and how he could make you laugh.(that will make his self pride as a male feel good) and then ask him if he would like to hang out together with you and become closer friends. In another year, you'll be in high-school too with him as a junior or senior. Once in high-school the age difference doesn't much matter. While right now, this summer, your parents may be alarmed, let them know you two are just becoming friends and are not dating. But ask if its okay to have him hang out at your house with them there. Thats a great way to start. If a guy is too self conscious to hang out with your parents at home, he is not the right guy for you. Plenty of teens have written whose parents let the young man come hang at their house starting age 13 or so and after years of it they have become comfortable with the young man and know he is always going to treat their daughter well and are more likely to be okay with and supportive of them as older teens becoming sexually active as many have told me.
I am not saying that is the goal...having sex...the goal is to learn about guys and what you like and don't like about them. You never have to put up with anything you don't like. Just make a mental note of it and move on. That may or may not happen with Z but dont even worry about that. Just ask him as I have suggested and yes, get his number. But from someone of an older generation, may i suggest that you don't rely too heavily on just texting and actually phone calls and try to spend time face to face. Its the seeing each others expressions as he did when you laughed that worked. It couldn't happen over phone. Also,, when you get his number, ask if he really likes texting or prefers phone calls. Lots of guys are not into typing and you wont get much meaningful convo that way from him. Good luck!
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Wow this is a lot :) Okay, from the situations you've describe its pretty obvious he is interested. He's going out of his way to mess with you and hang out, so you have his attention. For the age difference, I can't really decide that for you, because it depends on whether you like him or not. You said yourself you don't know. So answer these questions: does he make you nervous? do you get anxious or excited when you go near or talk to him? do you find yourself laughing and smiling a lot when your around him? if the answer is yes to all of those questions than you like him. I think you owe to yourself to find out where this can go, and try focus and making a connection with him and forget about the age differences for now. I know you said your shy around him. Well if you have the same mutual friends, go out in a group and make it super casual that way your relax and so is he. During your hang out, make sure you talk to him one on one so he knows your interested, again make it casual. For his number, after the
group hang, just say "hey i had really great time tonight/day, we should hangout again. Do you have my number?" Again super casual, this way there's no pressure on you to get his number. Also, totally not weird. Don't let your nerves get the best of you, take a deep breath and just do it. Good luck! ^^
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