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why do guys do this?
i'm 22 and i usually date guys around my age. anyways, it always seems like even when i date the "nice" guys they still end up being just as crappy as the "jerks". but my real question is why is it that every time a guy wants to break up with a girl he treats her as crappy as possible and gives her little to no attention so that she feels obligated to break up with him and then he's free to do whatever he wants with whomever he chooses? it seems to be a re-occurring theme with EVERY guy i date. then when i do break up with them they are like okay that's fine like it's really no big deal while i'm over here crying. it's super frustrating.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Sounds like all the guys you have met so far are more into themselves than into investing their mind and heart into you. A guy can really be into you, like you alot, even love you as a person...but if he is not IN LOVE with you...it won't last.
I carried my end of a dead marriage making it hold together for 30 yrs before a couple we knew addressed a callous way he spoke to the other woman. In convo, they discover he treats me always the same way and knew they didnt want to associate with him anymore. (verbally abusive) When the guy asked hubby if He was in love with me. He did not answer for a while. finally he said he loved me as a human being and loved me as the mother of his children. "But are you IN LOVE with her" he was asked again. He said no, he never had been. I was everything to him but his true love where he heart wold break if he lost me in an accident. I was sex partner, cook, maid,. etc... but not his love.
We all have lessons to learn in life. Some are simply to learn to recognize something, like for you this pattern in guys. Think hard about what little signs they all gave off early on that hinted this was coming down the road. At 20 when I married, there were hints too but I wasnt really sure. 2 years later when I knew for sure there was a major problem, i chose to ignore them or not make a big deal about it, afraid of the failure, the divorce which my church would frown on. Granted that there are not many guys out there today who know how to treat a lady right in any kind of relationship let alone a partnership/love relationship. Guys are getting lazier and lazier. Ever wonder why so many older guys are still single? There are way more females in the world than men. So if having more than one wife was okay throughout the world each man could have at least 3 wives if not more...thats the ratio. And yet there are so few healthy long lasting love relationships out there at any age.
Sadly you can not train any person or change any person to make them become perfect for your relationship. The few but perfect guys are out there and still single because they keep running into females who are shallow, extremely possessive and jealous, low self image and very bitchy all the time.
Again, the trick is to be able to enter a room of strangers and observe them for a while to see how quickly you can pick up the same traits you did not like in your boyfriend. My current wonderful husband who is the love of my life and me his, has told me that if people would learn to back away from any new people they meet that they see these unacceptable traits in, they will keep backing up until they unintentiontally bump into the person who is right for them. Even if you were not necessarily looking hard for them.
You can try internet dating but you will still have to learn how to weed out the duds. Though it does speed up the process of weeding through..that part goes faster.That is how i met my current husband. I found it easy after my first marriage to notice all the things that were wrong. Look for a man to take himself out of personal integrity. Read some self help books on how to recognize these things. A guy may be able to hide his true self long enough to get a meeting with you and a couple of dates.
I had that happen. On a 2nd date, the man i was with began using bad slang words for other races and speaking belittlingly of an asian maid he used to have. A teen will still be learning what is right and wrong but once you're in your 20's and older, there is no such thing as letting slip one comment like that by accident. What comes to the surface is something that lies buried inside, is part of who the person is at core. Works the same for any girlfriends you make because it isnt a gender problem, it is present in both sexes.
I caught guys contradicting something they said about what their beliefs morals or values were and when i pointed it out, they became angry with me. Poof, I disappeared and they never heard from me again. You know what to avoid, the liers, even white lies...if someone must make excuses for their lies, that is something to avoid, inconsistency, focused on them selves, anger easily, get jealous, possessive, controlling, etc... you will figure it out. Women who are questioning why certain relationships dont work are ready to learn to spot what does work. So I know that someday you will find yourself happily with a man who truly loves you and nothing could make him ever desert you.
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