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about this guy alex
You have answered my last couple auestions about this guy I like. About how we hangout and I'm really starting to like him and you have been giving me the best advice so I hope it doesn't bother you that I'm asking you this question.
Well last night we were talking on the phone and he was asking me why I get nervous around him. That people know why they get nervous and started giving me examples like if I get called into the office at work by my boss I'm going to be nervous if I did something wrong or whatever and a few other similar examples then said examples if "I like someone or have feeling for them maybe I have some kind of puppylove thing are other examples of why someone could be nervous around someone" and I knew right then He knows I like him and I just denied it I said depending on who the persin is I usually just get nervous in general. When I told my grandma she said he opened the door for you and you didn't walk in. And I felt horrible so I texted him and said "hey remember when you told me don't think justreact" and I was going to tell him how I felt well he didn't reply so I messaged him and said that cheesy pickup line "I know who has a crush on you and if I wasn't so shy I'd tell you" and he read it but didn't reply so I went to sleep then today I texted him and said hey I was wondering when we could hangout again cause I have to tell you something important. And he hasn't replied. What do I do . Please. My grandma and coworker said maybe he felt rejected and that's why. But I don't know I'm so lost. And this is the most perfect guy I've met that I believe had feelings for me as well :(
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If you were him, wouldn't you feel rejected? Not that i think thats what you're doing. I feel it's more like you are fighting yourself.
Let me explain. Your conscious mind has taken in the fact that he is the perfect guy. But your subconscious mind is fighting you. The subconscious is where all our emotions and feelings come from.
Lets call your conscious self Lisa and your subconscious self Maria. Maria, is for all rules and purposes like another entity living inside of you. Since all her feelings and emotions are holding Lisa back from enjoying this guy, you need to have a heart to heart talk with Maria and find out why. Ok. so this sounds weird..yes i know but i can also tell you I talk to my sub lets call her Selena. If I am feeling kinda not myself and kinda down but i dont know why...I ask her just by voicing the thoughts in my mind. Its easier if you give her a name until she tells you what her name is. Something like this for a convo: "Hey Maria...you get so nervous when this and this happens. Why? I need to know because its affecting my life. I could lose out on a great guy.( Maria is also your inner child. So think of a little kids fears, blown out of proportion but valid all the same. You will need to ask some questions.) Do you feel like you don't deserve to be happy? Why do you feel so nervous all the time? Do you feel not special, insignificant? Because I think you are special. You are part of me, you help me dream, you help run all the things I dont have to think about in my body like automatically breathing and blinking my eyes. I dont have to put any thought to that stuff. You are amazing with all the things you can handle at once. You and I are stuck in this same body together so we're going to have to cooperate. If you are worried about something let me know. I want to address your fears. But you will need to trust me. I will NOT put both you and I in a situation that is dangerous for us, like an abusive relationship. But it is important for us to grow and learn and sometimes that means we will be in situations like at a job where we feel overwhelmed but we can make it through. And for rewards to you, let me know what you want to do, if its just swinging on a swing at the park or watching a favorite movie...i will take time for us."
Now you should have a better idea what to say to yourself. Once both your conscious and sub conscious minds are cooperating, things should get better.
But you are in a crisis spot right now and hurt as he is, your special guy might be so disappointed and moves on soon, he won't keep waiting for ever. It will take more than texting. That is as impersonal as he was treated face to face. Maria is going to have to allow you to do whatever you need to save the situation. I know texting and FB mssgs are the fav. way to communicate but in a close relationship or relating to people my age bracket, we learned first to communicate in person. You miss so much in texting, the look in his eyes, expression on his face and body language when you sincerely want to apologize. He also cant read your eyes and see how sorry you really are. This is something best done in person. Call (not text) and ask if you can meet as you have something to tell him. Hopefully you'll also know something from Maria by then. Tell him you've been suffering from a feeling of _______ personally. Something that explains your behavior. It's not him, it's an issue you need to work through. Nows the time to tell him that you really are crazy for him and want to be his girl. Ask him if he would forgive you and be willing to work with you again to encourage you to change. That you are not going to TRY changing, that you WILL change because you are determined to not miss out on opportunities and relationships in life.
I know my examples sound like something from a Sybil movie on split personalities, but Psychologically it is sound...I just explain it my own way...not professor level. And I have learned more about how our higher self conscious self and subconscious all work together in a book on the ancient Hawaiian Huna spiritual beliefs.
I sure hope you and your sub can learn to work together and in a hurry!
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