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Ex boyfriend troubles... :(
Okay so just warning, this will probably end up being long so please bare with me..
About 5 years ago, My mom had started being with a new guy and he has 3 kids. A girl who is now 13 and 2 boys who are around my age 21&22 (I'm 22 as well).. well with the two boys were their best friend,and my (stepdad) the guy my mom has been with, had know his son's best friend since he was born! So they had been pretty close considering they all knew eachother since birth. . Well these new people had came into my life.. and overtime I could say my stepdad and my siblings and their best friend also became a close friend of mine.. he was always at my house... we were all super tight. Well soon after i met (the best friend of my brothers, we'll call him Ry, who is my ex now) he started being with someone .. which was completely fine because I never looked at him like that at that time... he had been with this girl for like 4years. And they had a son together almost 2 years ago.. which was also fine.. we were all close and we all accepted that.. well Ry had already broken up with her a few times because he was just NEVER happy with her, would say how she's just bland and negative all the time and he just was not happy with her. Then last year in october, my family and I all went to a company picnic at an amusement park and along came Ry.. the night we all went home to my house and werr just chillin, he like spills out how he's felt about me for so long and could just never tell me because of his babymom and jus spilled his heart out to me saying hes always wanted me but thought i was beyond out of his league. I had never known how he felt all this time! I was trippin. He ended up leaving her.. in hopes of being with me. We had talked and hung out and the more we did, the more i started to realize i have feelings for this guy.. and i never knew it til then...And i would always say how this would have to take time and we both agreed. But as the days and literally just HOURS that went by with us we just completely fell for eachother. Head over heels. He ended up living with me n my fam because they had already known him for years.. so since the company picnic happened, it was only a week after that that we started talking.. he was here all the time so he jus ended up living here.. my family and I all accepted that he had a kid and him being with their daughter (me) .. we only were together for 1 MONTH! but knowing him all those years before and how I felt jus about him as a person, it didn't matter.. we fell in LOVE. we did everything together. I mean he lived with me! And we'd see his son 3 days out of the week becauae it was split between him and the mom depending on their work schedules... and I cared and catered to that little boy, I opened my heart to him and accepted that my boyfriend had a kid. I was fine with everything... well the last few days of our relationship we started kinda arguing a bit. About STUPID, overcomeable stuff.. buuuut. He wanted to leave.. he saId if we were arguing this soon in, then how bad will it be years from now.. and I would say how relationships take work and time and we can fix this... that's all I wanted to do... he jus left. And he never truly gave me a reason... 3 days later was thanksgiving... I found out he was back with his babymom. I was devestated but quickly it turned to anger and hate and I destroyed everything that reminded me of him.. and told myself to forget him.. after all, I'd probably neverrr everrr see or talk to him again in my life...last thing i said to him was that i HATED HIM and said mean things cuz i was hurt..well 2months after, I find out he got her pregnant again! And I just laughed... whatever floats their boats right? Im sitting here thinking oh they got their little happy family and everythings obviously good with them...i had forgiven him for everything. He didnt know that. But within myself i forgave him because it was the only way i could heal. And i dont hate anyone so it was eating at me that that was the last thing i said to him.. well now its been 6 months since our breakup and ive been totally fine, not ever thinking about him or being sad. I erased him in a way because im like hes with her thats what he wants. Well my brother hadnt talked to Ry since everything... until 2 nights ago! Ry went to my bros house and just spilled out everything with how hes feeling... regret, stress, pain, tears, unhappiness . And how he just wants me back more than anything. And how he had everything when he had me and he's been so unhappy with his babymom but the reason he left was because he felt it was right to go be a family with her and their son.. but then got her pregnant like right away!and they found out at 2 months and everything just started hitting him like crazy, his mind started racing and going crazy about me all the time.. he would look up my instagram on google, listen to our old songs. And jus say how he F'd up sooo bad and nows he's just F'd and he doesn't know what to do because he's not happy with her at all and he doesn't know why he did what he did to me and hes been trippin on all of this for 4 months now.. I was shocked... I mean 6 months of nothin. . Then bam... this. And it brought up all these feelings that I didn't know I could feel ever again... I thought that part was llong gone. I haven't been mad at him for all this time and i haven't hated him and its like I should right? I mean he's coming back to me now after all this time with a 2 year old boy and a girl on the way... telling me how bad he needs me and how much hes sorry and how hes never stopped thinking about me and that he thought he was doin the right thing leaving me for his family but realized he shoulda worked it out with me and things wouldnt be as bad as they are now and that all he wants is for me to b his girl again and he would fight n fight and he jus sounded so broken... i mean youd think that allll of me would be like TOO BAD ITS WHAT YOU GET, and jus forget him all together but why can't I ? Its like allll this time I thought he wasn't thinking of me at allll and jus forgot me, all to find out the complete opposite. .. now in jus lost and confused.. because there's still a part of me that wants him .. but now he has TWO kids! Not one but TWO. like that second kid is the only thing that holds me back from wanting to be with him....I have no idea what to do! I can't even talk to my family about it because they have noooo idea I've even thought about Ry and have talked to him. They'd probably disapprove of how I feel completely and jus think I'm stupid and dumb if I wanted him still. Mainly because he has another kid on the way... I can see them accepting it all if there wasn't another kid on the way.. and its hard for me to as well... like that second kid is the onlyyyy thing holding me back. I keep tellin myself like noo you can't.. how could youu. He has aNOTHER kid coming... how could it ever work... but there's still that part that wants him... I mean I'm a 22 year old woman and have no kids of my own and the person I woulda done anything for now has 2 ! And he wants me back.. like what do i do? :( . I'm not bein a homewrecker either. And never did when we first dated. They had aalready broken up and he was jus supposedly done with her... when he first got back with her after me he was set on jus bein a family and sticking it out n never leaving but realized shortly after that's realky not what he wanted at all but knowin he has a kid on the way he's jus been stuck. I know I shouldn't even talk to him and put myself thru all that again but my heart is jus heavy and its so easy to cry and that's crazy because I haven't cried bout him in 6 months and he just comes back in my life and instantly I cry.. its showing me that I'm truly not over him.. and I thought I was because I just hadn't talked to or seen him.. but how do i accept 2 kids now... and our families im sure disapprove completely.. I just don't know what to do. And I've just been crying ever since I got a phone call from my brother telling me that Ry isn't doing good and that he kept saying he misses me and he messed up bad. My mind is totally twisted! I hhave nooo one else to talk to about this. I don't know what I'm doing or feeling or how to handle this.. it's killing me.. I miss him sosooo much :(
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Girl I know how you feel, been there done that.
I had a guy just like that, he'd actually been divorced a couple times. When similar stuff happened that I would not tolerate I decided to forgive and got over him...only to find out later from mutual friends how miserable he was without me, moping around, depressed, missing work because of it and so on.
So I naturally thought as you might be thinking, wow that a good sign that he really does care about me! So my heart softened up and I allowed him back in my life. End result, it was only another spin on the same Merry go Round...same old stuff, same old fighting.
What changed for me that might help you sort it out?
A friend told me, You have to learn to really love yourself enough to not hang around people who bring you down or 'weaken' you. It is not a selfish thing to think of your needs first because ultimately no one else is looking out for you or has a say either way.
It could simply be that as nice a guy that he might be, his lesson to learn in this lifetime might be a simple one of learning how to recognize and choose the right person for a mate.
It wasn't rosy with her and it didn't work with you. Not that there anything wrong with either of you ladys that needs changing...you'll be both perfect for the right guy. Obviously he isnt it for either of you. So don't join the drama and end up pregnant as well with a kid of his while he goes off to explore a half dozen or more relationships or whatever it takes until he learns what he's doing wrong, discovers himself and what woman would match him best and then finally does it right. He may be a slow learner. Your heart will feel the connection to him for some time but don't mistake the tug on your heart as meaning that you are meant to be together. You also will be learning how to discover who you are at core and what kind of man will complement you best. My oldest daughter at 27 has been divorced twice in her quest to discover who is right for her. now in her 3rd love relationship. Don't fear the learning process to finding the right one, for there will be the failed relationships to dot your past in your learning process. The sooner you learn the less of those processes you'll have to go through. I know you will see the guy sometimes because he is friends with your bros but the learning process isnt supposed to be easy. It is through the hard, harsh and difficult situations that we have opportunity to be strengthened and grow. Good luck sweetie
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there is a very tough situation now for you but before when you lived with him he also leave you alone while you accepted of all him like his child and his family but do not care you and leave you alone so there is no surety that you can spent your whole life with him. second think is that take decision yourself ,not think about other as your brother said you he[your ex] missed you very much.you are just 22 so you can find better then him he has two child you not own so how you can do at all with him.indeed he missed you because he are unable to care his child and you know a women is care your child better if you compare with men.so he not need a life partner he need a servant and women for night you can analyz yourself.what is better for you but i suggest you not make relation again ,not tryst him if his ex back he again leave you than what will you do ,this situation will too critical FOR YOU SO so no need to twisted have patient and think coolly .do not think about his condition like he is sad ,depressed and other ,think when he left you alone you was sad that time he also do not care you so as think as he was think in past.so search a better guy who care you and all time think about you and love ,not as guy when they have need you think about you and when they happy with her baby mom ,leave you .i think you can take a better decision .best of luck
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