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I think I am having exsistential crisis
I just moved to Ukraine 3 months ago and so far have been going through a rough time. Just before coming to ukraine November, from august 2012 until 27th november 2012 I was going through a phase where i did not feel anything. No emotions. To everything that happened I was like so what? I did not feel excitement or happiness or get sad either. I was numb. The only thought I had was why am I not feeling anything.
Now that I have to ukraine on the first few days and cried. After that when my family found about that they were worried so I from that moment on I was always acting. Always acting like I am ok, I am happy. But was feeling numb and reckless. I started skipping classes and then I started questioning whether i wanted to study medicine. I started asking myself questions like why am I alive? I feel like a piece of wood drifting along the wave. Like i don't have purpose or any encouragement to do anything. infact i started having suicidal thoughts. Of course I am not going to commit suicide but sometimes I find myself thinking of death..I see no reason to live.
my sleep patterns has become messed up I didn't sleep at night at all for two weeks and just survived by taking naps during day time. I lost will to study. I keep waiting for something,anything that will make me want to live.
I feel that my parents don't understand me. Past week I kind of told them straight that I no longer like studying medicine and I hate it here but they treated it as a joke. I feel trapped inside a square. Its like what I have to do is planned out for me and I am stuck. All I now feel is frustration. I want to cry..CRY. But I can't. I want to yell and argue but I can't.
I am just 17 and I don't want to live like this. I don't think this is living.
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Death is not a solution to any problem. You need to learn from blues from the past. Everyone goes through a depression stage in life. If you don't want to study medicine then don't. Be who you want to be. You are the only one who can break the square. Blessed be. Be who you want to be.
P.s. The Ukraine is home to so many sexy people. I'm so jealous.
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