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Hung up over past boy
18/f
I love the advice you give and I really need some help. I'm sorry if it's long.
Back when I was 14, I had a crush on this guy a couple years older. He's my best friends brother. We were good friends till I was 16. I was crazy about him. We eventually told each other how we felt. We never dated, because he was going to college in another state. We were really close, he was one of my greatest friends and then we started getting physical and so on. We talked on the phone all night and I was happy.
Eventually we weren't talking very much because he left and I assumed nothing was ever going to happen since I was in high school.
There was so much unnecessary drama.
He came back and it happened all over again.
But that was last year.
We're no longer friends. We got in a huge fight months ago and I realized I'm better off without him.
I'm dating now and I'm happy with this guy.
The problem is, I'm not over this guy in the past. I'm not thinking about him all the time but when I do, it kills me. I think of all the memories and it hurts.
I've been trying to get over him and maybe it just needs time but it's been a long time since anything has happened. I deleted his number, unfriended him on facebook and I'm with a guy who treats me right.
We were never dating, we messed around a few times and I realize that he never knew what he wanted and didn't care much for me after all that.
I normally feel like this at night when I'm just thinking. Only every once in awhile and it just really hurts.
Is there anything I can do?
Thanks so much.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
All you can really do is remind yourself the it's the relationships that only ever happen in your head that are the hardest to get over.
Let's be honest: You were never with this guy. You were close friends once, years ago, and he was probably one of the first people you got physically intimate with. That IS a big deal in your life.
But you don't know him. Not really. Not now.
The person he was when you were infatuated with him at 16 isn't him today - and it was probably only barely him back then too.
You aren't hung up on him. You are hung up on the idea you had of him at 16 years old.
That idea was awesome! But it was never realistic and it was never who he was. You were both going to grow and change and develop into the people you actually are - and you did that separately.
Go ahead and grieve for the friendship, for the relationship that never really happened, and for the idea you had of him once. Just remember that even though the friendship was real - the idea you had of him, and of your relationship with him, never really was.
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