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Moving in together
I'm 21 female and my boyfriend is 22. We've been together for 3 years this month. Almost our entire relationship has been long distance since I've been going away to college. First year 3 hours apart and the past two only 1 hour. Relationship is going good but this whole seeing each other once a week been together for three years I'm so ready for the next level where we can move in. He is finishin college this year which he's attending at our home town and still lives with his parents. His parents shelter him and are obsessed with him and wouldn't want him to move out period. I mention things to him all the time about moving in and he kinda pushes it aside or makes excuses. I still have 2 years left of school after this year and I can't imagine doing Long distance two more years. He is only 22 though and him moving here he knows no one so its a hard situation. There is jobs he could apply for but I know he won't bc his parents don't want him to move and he wouldn't know anyone here. I just don't know what to do because I'm sick of long distance, want more or need to know for sure more will be coming on the very near future. I just need advice on what I should do or anything! Thank you!
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This is going to be as hard for me to write as it is for you to read Let me say this before I begin. I know exactly what your boyfriend is like for I was once just like him. If it wasn't for military service I might sill be like him. For my purpose I will call him Richard
I won't say Richard is a mamas boy for there is a big difference between being a mamas boy and being closely tied to mamas aprons strings.
Richard has been raised by his mother and mother has dotted over him his entire life. Now Richard may have excelled in school and school sports but the one thing he has never been able to do is cut the apron strings that bind him to his mother. This is not his fault for she has been binding him to her since birth and has almost total control over him when she wants to inflict that control.
Lets say you and Richard do move in together. Like it or not until you find away to to cut those apron strings there will always be three of you living together. Maybe not physically but in spirit so to speak. Cutting those stings will not be easy for she has many way,guilt being one of them binding him to her. Momma will try to run your life too telling you that Richard likes things done this way or Richards taste in foods has to be a certain way. Richard will always be at her beck and call as well.
If you two were to marry and have children it will get worse as she will try to tell you how to raise your children. As she sees it what do you know about raising children, nothing. She has raised children and therefore better able to do so then you.
No I was fortunate I married a very strong women. When I returned from military service my mother tried to reattach herself to me. When I met my wife to be she saw this and took steps to keep it from happening. I was so use to it I never saw it but my wife did and it was something she has fought against for most of our married life especially when our son was born.
This is what I see in what you have written about Richard. It is not his parents it is his mother mainly. So the question becomes this; are you strong enough to stand up to his mother? Is your love for Richard strong enough to work with him to show him that his mother is smothering him and binding him to her in ways that will forever hinder him in life. Not just in love but in every facet of life.
Think long and hard about these two questions. If you cannot answer yes to both questions then my advice is that you find a new boyfriend for a life with Richard will never be your own.
As I said in the beginning this was hard to write because I was Richard. Thankfully I found a strong women who loved me enough to fight for me and won. As I look back over the 42 years we have been married I hate to wonder what life would have been like if I married a weaker woman, one who would have given in to my mother.
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