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What do I do? Sexual Frustration..
Hey guys...
So, i will fill you in. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years.. I am 18 and he is 20. Its obvious we still love each other as much as we did when we first began. We are PERFECT for each other. We are very intimate but we go through periods without sexual intercourse. For example, we'll have sex frequently for a month and then not have sex for a month or two because of
1.busy schedules
2. i'm not on birth control (we use condoms though but sometimes he gets paranoid which i do not blame)
3. and not being able to find the opportunity (since we both still live with our parents and we are both VERY cautious especially around them..)
So its typically hard to find the opportunity but if we both REALLY want to, we'll always find a way.
Currently, my boyfriend and I are going through the "no sex" period and it is driving me crazy... Over the weekend I brought a condom to his house and asked him to have sex. He felt really bad and said sorry he was too tired and his parents are home anyways so he wouldn't be able to enjoy the sex as much since he would be paranoid the whole time. And he said that he doesn't want to be "half into it" when he sex with me. He wants to "give it his all" and make sure that it is special and not abuse the privilege. which i admit, is very thoughtful and I rather have him be this way rather than use me.
But it is now to the point where I am sooo sexually frustrated, that masterbating doesn't even helo anymore. I think I'm missing the "emotinoal" aspect of sex. Not the lust part. Because if it was the lust, I would be pleased by just simply masterbating.. But it's having the partner hold you and kiss you and make you feel nothing but love. THAT is what my sexual frustration is caused from, not lust.
I have been so frustrated to the point where I am irritable with my family, friends, and slacking on school work. I would never cheat on brandon but i've had unfaithful thoughts of trying to find ways to cure my sexual frustration and those thoughts completely scare me! And lately, My boyfriend and I have been fighting more than usual.. I mean, we always seem to fix the fight but I just feel like if we have sex soon, it will all be better. We need it.. I just don't want to say anything again because i know it will make him feel bad.
I keep asking him if there's something wrong and if he still feels the same way about me and he always says "Your so beautiful and sexy" and words like that. Moreover, he says "I love you" to me frequently and holds me really tight when he says it. So i can feel his honesty in those three words, so that reassures me that there is nothing wrong with out relationship. Its honestly just the sex..
Another thing he says, is he loves spontaneous sex. But i don't think he should expect our sex life to be spontaneous because that would be hard to do considering we live with out parents still. he shouldn't assume our relationship and sex life is going to be spontaneous. he's going to have to make our sex life and relationship a priority. Relationships take work.. I mean, he doesn't have to go as far as penciling it in the calender but he should at least let me know when there are available times to have sex. I'm going crazy here.. and i love him so much :(
Please give me advice on anything I could do to turn him on extra, or how to just simply be honest with him.. without starting a fight or anything. Also, if you have tips on how to release sexual frustration that'd be great.. Thanks.
I need your help :(
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Hello!
Everyone has dry periods, so it's normal to feel frustrated about this, but you can use your frustration in more positive ways. It sounds more like your love starved, then sex starved. It's the release, and that wonderful moment after you experience having sex together you feel the closest to your partner. The biological explanation for this is a little hormone called oxytocin. It's a hormone released during, and after sex so that it bonds the couple. It's nature's insurance policy to make sure we don't walk out on the people we love because it's much easier to raise children as a team, then solo, and there is less of a risk for them getting sick, or hurt in the wild.
Though it's the 21st century, and they're tons of single parents, and all different kinds of family's, nature is still under our skin and that hormone is and probably will always be produced. It literally bonds us to the one we have sex with. On a more romantic level maybe there is something he does for you after sex that he doesn't do for you when you guys aren't having sex? You says he holds you, and makes you feel special. Does he do that when you guys aren't active? Is there anything he does for you during sex, emotionally, that he does not do when you guys aren't having sex? Maybe that can be the begging of your conversation. If you figure out what you might be missing, when your sitting down, in a calm environment, and when your ready you can begin to say,
"You mean the world to me, and I love you. I love especially when you do... (insert whatever you feel your missing here)... and I feel I really get that when we have sex. I don't want to push you, and it has to do with me. This isn't your fault, but I would love it, if I could get more of (that) when we're not active. It's something I really enjoy, and would love it if maybe we can do more of (that). If you don't want to talk about it I understand, I just want to work this out without fighting, because I love you too much to fight." It's hard to fight with someone who is coming at you in a peaceful loving way. So try something like that, if you would like to speak with him.
On ways for turning him on: He likes it spontaneous, so the best way to get him in the mood without really making it obvious is maybe through his senses. For example, studies show that there are certain smells that naturally get guys in the mood. Vanilla, Jasmine, Sandalwood, and Rose scents actually release hormones that get guys in the mood.
Specific foods, dark chocolate, anything containing chili, cinnamon, honey, avocados, almonds, celery, nutmeg asparagus, and so on.
Is there specific spots that turn him on, have you noticed any. Just touching those spots on the neck, or wherever can get him more in the mood. If he's stressed that's a perfect excuse to give him a message. A really fascinating spot is the ears. You'd be surprised how very lightly biting an ear can turn someone on.
Wear colors like red, which send natural signals to the brain through association. When people see the red they turn their attention to it, they think passion, fire, love. That's why we have red stoplights. Red is more likely to grab our attention. Women wearing red though sends a different message.
Also try not to have sex, a lot, and then have nothing. Space it out. Enjoy the anticipation, whenever that may be. Let him feel the frustration.
On an personal emotional level: To get over the frustration, friends, family, and pets are what you need. Does you mom cook something that makes you feel comforted. Even if it's a PB & J, or a mac and cheese.
Still got that old stuffed animal, or blanket somewhere that you used to obsesses over as a kid. Something you never got rid because of sentimental value? Do you have a pet you like to cuddle with. Friends you maybe can greet or say goodbye to with a hug? Random maybe, but doing those things can actually make you feel more loved on an emotional level, and produce that hormone of oxytocin.
Working out, daydreaming about your significant other, and maybe writing your feelings down, can allow you to release some of that frustration.
Remember the best way to get a guy in the mood, is to act like sex is the last thing on your mind. Even if it might be the first.
Good Luck! Best Wishes, and hope everything goes well :)
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