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How to persevere and just focus on college to get As
Looking back on high school, I seemed to let my emotions get in the way of my studies the majority of the time. Instead of ignoring the fact that I was lonely, and "weird", compared to most people at my school, I just let it drag me down. Going into high school, from middle school, I thought I'd be smarter than that, and that I wouldn't lose focus, because of all the stories I knew about nerds being the true winners in the end. My own parents were like this, and rose to great heights. They brought our family to America for more opportunities. But I just let myself down, basically. I let everyone down. I now look at other people who were in similar situations, or even worse, who were able to get straight As despite adversity. How in the world can I be more like them, now that I'm in college?
I just started this semester, and am wanting to use this new opportunity to fix my mistakes and get on the path I really want to, to reach my career dreams. It's never too late, right? There were people who honestly weren't even as smart as me who still got better grades, because they worked hard. Often, these people had social lives, too. I mean, you would think that not having a social life would speak better for my grades, but I guess they had the opposite effect, because despite the fact that I was a loner in high school, I'm actually an extrovert at heart.
So I need to learn to be more like the people who've become really successful through hard work, basically. What can I use as inspiration everyday, when something triggers the depression I felt in high school, and makes me feel like I don't deserve the success that I dream of? Now I'm stuck criticizing myself for my past mistakes and past emotions instead of moving on and being a better person. How do I get over this?
I could have accomplished so much more in high school but it's like I spent the whole time just punishing myself, just because I didn't have close friends or went to parties or anything. Even when I'd know such things weren't important, my heart still felt the pain, a pain that couldn't be numbed out through friends because I didn't have any close friends, only acquaintences. So I became pretty internet addicted.
In theory, I'd rather be successful with no friends than unsuccessful with no friends, but when my spirit is low, I end up not doing anything. Just working against my won self interest. If I did a lot better in school I could have gone to a far better college, where I could relate to others who had social issues growing up. In fact, I applied to my college very late, because I didn't think a college would want me, because I wasn't proud of myself. So how could I have written an essay promoting myself? It would have felt like a lie to apply to my dream college when I didn't deem myself fit. So, it was like, instead of working hard and failing, I just sabotaged myself so I'd be completely in control.
Sorry this is really long, I'm just wondering what do other people do, to ignore BS and just focus on what they really want, and feel like they deserve it. I've tried seeing a few therapists but I just don't feel they understand me. So maybe I just need to somehow find away to completely blot things out, because my problems now will mean nothing in the long term. I think it would help to hear another's perspective, cause my mind says all the right things, but my actions speak differently. I need to change so much about myself!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
In college, you need to make due with all of your positive aspects about you and use them to your advantage. Yes there might be bad qualities that you have which will bring down and hinder your progress and they will continue to do so but you have to remember that each time it happens, you need to make an even greater comeback and try to minimize the amount of times you're falling back. I think you secretly want to be noticed by other people and yet you want all the successes in the world. Honestly, I used to look at life like that, wishing I could have the best of both worlds, but in reality, it doesnt and almost never happens that way. Having close friends is one thing, you should always have a friend and always have someone to talk to. But you need to realize when push comes to shove, you need to look out for you and only you. Friends can't help you when you're fighting your battle to make it in life, because they're fighting theirs. It's good to know mentally what you want, but you need to make sure your actions start speaking up for itself because only then your mind will actually get the satisfaction that you're making progress. Do what you can in college to get out there and get involved, you will inevitably get to know people and may even make friends. Things don't come easily and you might not make friends your first semester or even two, but if you become a constant in other people's lives, you're bound to get to know someone and if you get to know the right people, they'll help you to be in the right successful direction.
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