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Long Distance issues
I am a 17 year old girl in a long distance relationship with my high school sweetheart of 2 1/2 years. He started college in Berkeley this August. We went into an open relationship, which both of us are totally fine with. We get to see each other once or twice a month when I go to visit him and those are the best weekends of my entire month.
However, the phone calls are lacking. I'm always the one calling him and I seem to leave every conversation feeling disappointed. What should I do? I'm scared to talk to him about it because I hate arguing over the phone. everything seems perfect but this one little part.
I generally end up doing all the talking and if I ask questions about his life I get one word answers. I need help. How do I get him to understand that I need more then online chats? Without just making him think I'm whining?
Please help. Thank you
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First off: I think you need to separate your problems, from your solutions.
'Cause here is what you risk saying to him:
"I have this problem, and you have to change to fix it!"
And that's always a bad thing to say to a partner.
Here's thing you want to say:
"This is my problem. It's really bugging me and I can't solve it all by myself. I need us to find a solution that works for us both."
Your problem is that you are feeling disconnected and you are finding your phone conversations are leaving you feeling disappointed and even MORE disconnected than before you spoke to him.
Then you need to ask him if HE has any feelings about your conversations (on the phone or otherwise) or anything that isn't working for him. He might honestly not like talking on the phone? He might honestly just get bored after a while. (I'm a women, and I hate it. I much rather write a long e-mail or video chat. I actually get very uncomfortable when I can only here a persons' voice and I get annoyed that I can't do anything productive while I'm stuck on the phone.)
Then you can suggest some solutions.
And the solutions shouldn't be "Go Change Yourself."
Here are some possible solutions you could suggest where you work together to make your conversations more meaningful.
You could both write down some questions for the other person (that are not, yes or no questions) and ask them when the conversation begins to dry up.
You could use video online chat instead of phone calls.
You could have more frequent, but shorter, phone calls.
I'm sure you can think of some more solutions. He might even have some suggestions based on what he likes or dislikes about the communications you've got.
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I was also in a long distance relationship and was dating my boyfriend for 3 years.
However, I was the one away at college. I am going to be honest with you, once you move away, it makes things more complicated. Maybe he is beginning to become distant because he is unsure about you two. It is always good to talk about it though, it is not good for either of you to not talk about it. I hope this helped a little!
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