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Feeling Guilty after Sex?
I am 22 and my boyfriend is 26. We have been together for 8 months. He had a lot of experiences before going out with me while I never dated anyone before. We had sex. The first few times were really terrible and I felt like I was pushed into it. I did not enjoyed it at all. I always feel guilty afterward. It is not a religious reason, but I come from a strictly conservative culture and family, therefore I have always taught it is not a good idea to do it before marriage. Yet I did it anyway. I struggled a lot, and I don't think my boyfriend understand what I am going through. For him, it was probably just a normal, inevitable step in relationship. While I am scared and confused, I have to say I start enjoying it. Nonetheless, the feeling of guilt does not disappear. I think it starts to negatively affect our relationship. I don't understand. What should I do?
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It is very hard to break with our upbringing especially when you come from a very strict conservative background. I'm sure you are aware that at your age you are entitled to guide your own life as you see fit. This includes having a sex life if you desire to have one.
One reason I can give you for why we as parents can be as strict or conservative as your parents were. Is the fact that until you are of legal age we are ultimately responsible for you until you reach legal age. Morally we are always to some degree responsible for our children after our legal responsibilities pass. By being strict or ultra conservative insures that you remain safe and chaste while we are legally responsible for you.
I'm not skilled enough or educated in the psychology of why you are feeling as you are. As I said you really have no reason to feel this way as an adult responsible for yourself. What your parents may say or feel should they find out, which is no business of theirs, is their problem, not yours.
What you felt with your first sexual experiences and how you are feeling now about sex? Is perfectly normal and something most all women feel. First sex for most all women hurts and is usually a complete disaster. After a few times it gets better and women come to enjoy a good sex life. So in this respect you are perfectly normal.
What I do suggest if you sill feel confused is you find a good therapist to talk with. Find someone you are truly comfortable with. This may take seeing a few different ones before finding one that is right for you. This is normal. You want to find someone you are comfortable telling your deepest and darkest secrets to knowing they stay in the therapists office between the two of you.
Children coming from strict or very conservative homes find the world outside their childhood home very different then what they were taught to expect. This can be confusing and a good therapist can help you sort this out.
You were a good daughter by following your parents directives or wishes. Now as an adult you have the right to chart your own path or strikeout on your own using what you learned as a child as a guide. As long as you stay within the communities standards for legality and morality you are free to do as you please. You are now legally and morally responsible for yourself. If you want a sex life you can have one. You do not have to wait for marriage and should not be ashamed for having a life or a sex life.
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